Broken Down In Bars and Bathrooms
by KelliNicole
Summary: Bella has a little rebellious stage when Edward leaves in New Moon. Warning: Drug use, sexual themes, and language! Please R&R.
1. It's just what anyone would do

A/N: Random idea

**A/N: Random idea. Lemme know if it should be more than a one-shot. That would be fun. :) Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Forks where we lay our scene. Not really, but we are laying our scene in Forks: Bella is a rebellious druggie; Bff's with Lauren, Tyler, Mike, and Jessica: fellow druggies. Set in the middle of New Moon. Beware: Drug use, sexual references, and language. Review, my loves!**

I stumbled to Mike's car, the full effect of the alcohol just hitting me. He staggered along, not far behind, laughing as he draped his arm lazily around Jessica's shoulders.

"Guys, that was so much fun. Shannon definitely came through this time," Tyler muttered in his drunken stupor. I faintly remembered Shannon, our dealer, showing up at Lauren's house with, what he promised was, 'the best weed he could find.' Not to mention 50 worth of vodka and rum.

"Who's driving?" Lauren asked, stoned out of existence.

"Who always drives, Lauren?" Jessica asked sarcastically as Mike slid into the front seat of his suburban. After making sure we'd all gotten in, Mike took off down the road, at speeds only _he'd_ gone before, to Jessica's place, where I would be staying with her, yet again.

Since I'd started into my downward spiral, I usually stayed with Jessica to avoid Charlie grounding me and threatening to lock me up in the jail at night if necessary. That was all I heard from him since _he_ left.

The partying started about a month after _he_ left me. Being intoxicated always helped the pain in my chest subside. But when I was sober, I still missed _him_ like crazy, even after 5 months.

"Bells, let's go," Jessica muttered as she pulled on my shirt. "I have to pee!" she yelled, pulling harder. I scooted out of Mike's car quickly. Jessica ran ahead into the house.

"Hey, Bells, me and Tyler will be back later," Mike called as he pulled out of the driveway. I thought I saw him wink at me, but I couldn't be sure through my blurred vision.

"Jess? Where are you?" I whispered as I dragged myself through her front door. I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Hey, let's go to my room. I think I heard my dad." We climbed the stairs as quietly as possible and collapsed on the bed when we reached our destination.

Jessica squealed as she pulled a small zip-lock bag from under her bed. The bag held four pills: two were green with question marks printed on them, for Jess, and two were blue with a butterfly: for me. I popped my two and washed them down with some water.

The ecstasy started to take effect after only a few minutes. I found myself making out with Jessica soon after; this was something we did commonly after we'd gotten a new stash from Brandon, another dealer we hung out with often. Brandon was mine and Jessica's personal dealer for ecstasy.

"Whoop, whoop!" Mike and Tyler called as they sat on the roof outside Jess's window watching us. We broke apart immediately.

"Hey, baby," Jessica whispered to Mike as she opened her window. "Missed you," she muttered as they retreated to their usual 'spot': the laundry room.

Tyler pushed me down on the bed, ready for his turn on me. We made out for a while before I could feel a bulge in his pants. I passed out shortly after he began kissing down my neck.

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I should've expected that I'd wake with a pounding headache. I could faintly smell cinnamon in the air.

_Goldschlager_, I concluded, remembering the previous night; I also remembered my make-out session with the bottle of vodka…and Jessica…and Tyler.

I sat up on my elbows, careful not to wake a still-sleeping Jessica, who'd somehow made her way back up from the laundry room after she and Mike finished.

As I dragged myself toward Jessica's bathroom I could feel a numb pain between my legs.

_Tyler_, I recalled as I stepped into Jessica's shower. I hated being with Mike and Tyler all the time, but it's not like they were the only ones. Anytime someone else showed up at our parties, Mike and Tyler would brag about what a good fuck I was. I got so sick of hearing "So I here you're pretty good in bed. Wanna go upstairs?" but I went with them anyway. It's not like _he_ cared that much about me.

I stepped out of the shower to see snow falling outside the window on Jess's front lawn. I remembered how much _he _loved snow. I felt a warm tear descend my cheek.

"God, Bella, you look skinnier every day. Too bad you never get the munchies when you're stoned; it could really help you out," Jessica mentioned as she washed her face in one of the two sinks. I stood at the other, brushing my teeth.

"So what are we doing today?" I asked in an attempt to change the subject. She dried her face off before answering.

"Mike's throwing a huge party at some abandoned house," she said with a shrug of her shoulders while applying her make-up. "So did you have fun with Tyler last night?" she teased, nudging my side.

"I passed out before he got my pants off, so, no," I laughed, changing my clothes.

I pulled on a hoodie as we made our way to the kitchen.

"Hey girls. What time did you get in last night?" Jess's mom asked conversationally as she served us bacon and eggs.

"Just after ten." Jessica smiled up at her mother convincingly.

"Did you have fun at the country club in Port Angeles with Mike?" her father asked, glaring. It was obvious he'd caught us, though he never said anything when he did.

"Yeah, Mike fell in the pool." Jess and I laughed.

"Glad you had fun. What are you two up to tonight?"

"Slumber party with Lauren!" Jessica squealed. She bit off a small bite of bacon.

"Do you mind if we go shopping before, though?" I asked innocently. I loved playing with Jess's parents. They were such pushovers.

"Sure. Going to Port Angeles again?" her mother looked over at me, glaring slightly.

"Yeah, I saw an ad in the paper about some big sale. I thought we might check it out, Jess." I winked at her twice: our secret code for 'we're paying Shannon a visit.'

"Sounds great. Let's go get ready!" Jessica jumped up from her chair, dragging me along. Her parents laughed at her fake enthusiasm.

"Good cover," she said as she gathered some of our necessities. As she dashed around the room, I saw her stuffing condoms, our pills, weed, more pills, cigarettes, and a bottle of vodka into her large purse.

"Ready?" she asked, breathless due to her scavenger hunt. It was baffling that she could find so many hiding places in her room.

"Yeah." I grabbed my cell phone, stuffing it in my back pocket as we sped down the stairs. We were out the door before her parents could give us a curfew.

"So are you going home tomorrow? I think Charlie called you last night after you passed out," Jessica said as we got into her car.

"Shit. I guess I'll have to now." I kicked her dashboard out of anger.

"Take it easy on the car, Bee. It didn't do anything to you." She shook her head as she pulled up in front of Shannon's trailer.

"Hey, ladies. Have fun last night?" Shannon asked as he draped an arm around our shoulders, forcing himself in between us.

"You know we did," Jessica whispered seductively, reminding him of their 'fun' before we left Lauren's.

"Glad I could help," he replied as he plopped down on his couch between two guys Mike had introduced me to back at Christmas. I vaguely remembered them as Matt and Cody.

"Hey, Bells, haven't seen you in a while," Matt said, taking a hit off his cigarette. He winked at me; I shuddered. He hadn't been the best guy I'd been with.

"Yeah, it's been a while," I said, shaking my head. "Not long enough," I whispered under my breath.

"So what can I do for you ladies? Picking something up for Mike's party? I heard it's gonna be wicked," Shannon said as he rolled a joint and handed it to Cody.

"Yeah, we just came to see if you had anything good you might wanna give us," Jess asked, sitting on Shannon's lap.

"I think I might be able to find something for you girls." He picked her up and sat her back down in his spot. He walked into the only bedroom of his single-wide trailer, returning with a can of computer duster and a bottle of pills I easily recognized as valium: three of each color, totaling nine pills.

"The computer duster is fun, but it won't do you much. The valium should be alright though, if you take it with the right stuff." Shannon winked at me as he handed me our things.

"I'll pay you tonight at the party," Jessica said as we left, brushing her hand across his crotch inconspicuously.

"Will you bring some rophies tonight?" I called as Jess started pulling out of the gravel driveway.

"Yeah, Bella, I'll bring you some. You're a lot of fun on rophies." I rolled my eyes, cranking up the window.

"He's right, you know," Jessica laughed. "You act like a moron when you've had some rope."

"Haha," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes as we pulled up at Lauren's house; luckily, it was only a few minutes away. She skipped out to the car excitedly. I could tell that her purse was filled, as well.

"Hey babes, have fun last night?" She slid into the back seat, immediately pulling out her bong. She passed it up to me after taking a few hits.

"Bella, Tyler said he had fun last night," she teased, poking me as I took a hit. I laughed with my friends when I almost set my hair on fire.

"You bitch, look what you made me do," I laughed, passing the bong back to her.

"You're so clumsy, Bee." It immediately reminded me of _him_. Only _he_ called me clumsy. It was one of the things _he_ claimed to love about me. Guess it was only a lie…

"Bella! Get out of the car. We're here," Jessica said before she slammed her door outside the Port Angeles mall. I put out my cigarette and ran to catch up with them, tripping twice along the way.

We shopped for hours at Wet Seal, looking for the perfect outfit for the party. We eventually found something for each our own.

I bought, with Jess's credit card, a pair of black skinny pants and a red twist-neck top. Jessica and Lauren bought matching light colored skinny jeans with holes in the thighs. Jessica got a black and gray striped tunic sweater while Lauren got a one-shoulder yellow tunic. We all got matching black pumps.

We stopped at a McDonald's afterward, just before the party, knowing there wouldn't be any food there. I watched as Lauren and Jessica downed a hamburger and fries.

"You really should eat, Bells," Jessica said, pointing a french fry in my face. "You haven't eaten anything in like…three days." Lauren's eyes bulged.

"Iz, eat something!" she demanded as she shoved the remainder of her fries in my face.

I grimaced at her for two reasons: I hated being called Iz, and I wasn't hungry. Against my will, though, I ate the stupid fries.

We left McDonald's by six and headed to Mike's to ride with him and Tyler to the party. We pulled up and jumped into his suburban.

"Hey, Jess, gimme a cigarette; I've only had one today," I said, draping my arm over her shoulder from the back seat expectantly.

She handed me a cigarette and her pink lighter. Mike, screwing with me like always, slammed on the brakes when I lit the cigarette; I almost set my hair on fire for the second time that day. It was only when I scowled at him that I noticed where we were.

We were driving through the woods on the edge of the Calawah River. My heart stopped when Mike took a turn into the woods, pulling up into _their_ driveway.

"Welcome to the party, ladies! Ty, help me get the liquor out of the back," Mike said, turning off the car. Jessica and Lauren looked at me apologetically; they knew how I felt about _him_.

They were about 7 cars in the driveway when we stepped through the front door. I saw Shannon in the far corner of the family room, snorting coke. I looked around, settling my eyes on Mike as he placed his endless supply of alcohol on _his_ piano. Jessica squeezed my shoulder before taking her own bottles of vodka over to the piano in the corner nearest the door. Lauren was already heading up the winding staircase with Tyler.

"Hey, did you bring the roche?" I asked Shannon as I made myself comfortable in his lap.

"Yeah, Bells, I brought it especially for you. Just remember, you owe me. I'll catch up with you later, babe." He put me down on the white couch and staggered over to Mike, probably to congratulate him on the great party.

I popped one of the rophies and a valium I managed to swipe from Jess's purse. I washed them down with a sprite and walked outside into the brisk January wind. I felt warm tears falling down my cheek as I stumbled across the lawn, finally collapsing on the driveway.

I remembered _him_. I thought over all our memories, feeling my high make its way throughout my nervous system. I began to twitch nervously, remembering my birthday party at this very house.

I stumbled back into the house after a few minutes, still crying. I felt arms wrapping around my waist as I made my way to the piano for some Goldschlager: my favorite vodka.

"Hey, Iz," Shannon said teasingly. "I'm ready for my payment." He smiled at me, attempting to be seductive.

"Fight, fight!" someone began chanting in the kitchen. Shannon turned his attention from me quickly.

"Shit. Go to the bedroom on the third floor. I'll meet you up there in a few," he muttered as he made his way through the crowd of people surrounding the kitchen.

I was faintly reminded of my first time in this house as I climbed the steps. My hand shook as I reached for _his_ doorknob.

The room was more beautiful than I remembered it being. _His_ couch still sat in the center of the room. I wiped the tears away as I admired the window looking out over the river. My hand trembled when I touched the soft gold walls.

I lay on the couch, waiting for Shannon to come get his compensation. I lit a cigarette to calm my nerves. I found a bottle of Crown Royal sitting by the couch, left from earlier. I chugged down the small amount left and lay back, willing unconsciousness to come.

As the blackness enveloped me I felt two cold arms wrap around my waist, pulling me closer.


	2. I don't wanna be in love

A/N: Due to immense request, here is the first official chapter, taking place after Bella goes back to school once Edward has split

**A/N: Due to immense request, here is the first official chapter, taking place after Bella goes back to school once Edward has split. If I had my copy of New Moon with me, I'd include him leaving…but I let Hannah borrow it to write her book report. :( Oh well, here you have it. Remember, it's an AU; No Jake. :( Such a shame, too. I love the pack. :D**

The first few weeks of school were hell without _him_ standing constantly by my side. Already, my grades were slipping. I couldn't pull myself out of bed in the morning, much less be expected to do homework.

After another additional two weeks of awkward silence, my friends finally started to approach me again.

I trudged out to my truck again, as per usual. As the ancient engine roared to life, I missed, yet again, the peaceful purr of _his_ Volvo. The slow ride to school had been expected, but I was surprised to find Jessica and Lauren standing in front of my usual parking spot, holding colorful flyers.

"Hey, Bella! How are you today?" Jessica asked conversationally as she and a not-so-resentful-looking Lauren approached me.

"Uhm…let me think…hell doesn't even begin to describe it," I replied icily as I began to storm off. An unfamiliar hand caught my shoulder.

"Bella," Lauren started, "I know you've had a hard time lately; we just wanted to invite you to our party this weekend. It'll help you take your mind off that bastard." She smiled at me reassuringly.

"And why are you suddenly being so damn nice to me, Lauren?" I countered, enraged. "You've _always_ hated me, and for absolutely no reason." Much to my surprise, she laughed.

"I was just jealous of the attention you were getting. But I've moved on." She inconspicuously draped her hand on my shoulder. "So what do you say? It's gonna be at my house on Halloween, and we would love to see you there." I thought it over; what harm could it do?

"I'll think about it," I muttered as I took the flyer and stalked off to my English class.

The day passed by in a blur, also as per usual. The only part of the day I was consciously aware of was lunch. I sat with Jessica, Lauren, Mike, and Tyler and listened to them talk about the 'great party' they were planning for Halloween. It was only when I heard the word 'dope' that I decided to pay attention.

"Yeah, you guys haven't met Shannon have you? He's my dealer." I looked up at Tyler, only to be met by a smug smile. "What's wrong, Bella? Afraid of the big bad drugs?" He laughed softly. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, I'm afraid they're going to get me in my sleep," I replied sarcastically. Mike chuckled loudly, causing the entire Forks High School population to stare at our table.

"Bells, you're going to be so much fun at the party." The bell rang, saving me from throwing out yet another bitter comment.

The rest of the week came and went much the same as that fateful Monday, but by Friday, I was willingly participating in our lunch time conversations.

"So, Bella, you wanna stay at my place after the party? Your dad will probably get pissed if he knows where you're gonna be," she laughed, throwing her trash away and walking by my side to our economics class.

I laughed along with her as we took our seats. "Yeah, I guess so. He shouldn't have any objections to me staying with you."

Jessica followed me home that afternoon. I ran inside to get some clothes and other necessities, leaving Charlie a note on the kitchen counter. I scrawled the letter quickly as I heated him some leftover lasagna, leaving it in the microwave when it was done. I sprinted outside with my bag, and Jessica took off to Lauren's.

"Hola, senoritas!" Lauren exclaimed as she jumped into Jess's back seat.

We sang along with the radio and laughed all the way back to Jessica's house. When we finally arrived, we ran our things up to Jessica's room and changed clothes. We ran back down the stairs, barely getting stopped by Jessica's mom on our way out.

"Where are you girls off to?" she inquired suspiciously. She glared at us expectantly, noticing it was already sunset.

"We're hanging out with Mike, Tyler, and Eric at the country club in Port Angeles." Jessica smiled assuredly at her mother: another attempt to cover her lies.

"Have fun. You know the rules; be back by midnight. Call if you're going to be late; we'll probably just go to bed if you are." I was shocked by the amount of trust Mrs. Stanley put in her rebellious daughter.

"Kay, mom, see you later!" Lauren and I said our overly-polite goodbyes and continued our sprint to Jessica's mercury.

"Bella, you look hot!" Lauren exclaimed once we got in the car. She reached up from the back seat and kissed my neck. I tensed up for a moment, but brushed it off quickly.

"Sorry about that," Jessica laughed, "she took some ex before we picked her up." Lauren began to sway in the back seat, much to our amusement.

"Yeah, I can tell." Our laughter continued all the way to Mike's, twenty minutes later.

"Hey, girls, what are you guys up to tonight?" Mike asked as he opened Jessica's door and helped her out.

"Well, Tyler's parents are away with my parents, so I thought we'd have our own little party tonight," Lauren replied, though her words were slurred. I wondered what she'd taken in addition to the ecstasy.

"Sounds like a plan. Tyler's inside. I'll go get him; you guys get in my car." With that, Mike ran back into his house for Tyler.

The three of us climbed into the back seat of Mike's rather large suburban, making ourselves comfortable. I sat in the middle with Lauren on my left and Jess on my right side. The boys joined us after only a few minutes. Tyler lit a cigarette as soon as we pulled out of Mike's driveway.

"Anybody need one?" he asked, taking another hit.

"Yes," everyone replied in unison, excluding me.

"What's wrong, Iz? Don't want to hurt your lungs?" Tyler teased, turning around to blow his smoke in my face.

"Don't call me Iz. And give me a cigarette."

The nickname stuck; so did the bad habit.

Tyler raided his parents' liquor cabinet the moment he burst through the door. Mike, Lauren, and I made ourselves comfortable in Tyler's basement while we waited for him and Jessica.

"Dude, don't your parents notice when all their liquor is missing?" Mike questioned as he opened a small bottle of Crown Royal.

"Nahh, I always blame it on the yard guy or pool boy." Lauren and I rolled our eyes while the boys chortled heartedly.

"Hey, kids," Jessica said as she descended the wooden stairs to Tyler's basement. "Sorry about that. When a girl's gotta pee, a girl's gotta pee," she laughed, taking Mike's bottle of Crown Royal. She made herself comfortable in his lap.

"I missed you," I heard Mike whisper in her ear, making her giggle. She took a large swig of the whiskey then proceeded to make-out with Mike.

I was sitting in a chair across from the couch where Mike and Jessica were now practically having sex through their jeans when Lauren tossed me a bottle of Skyy Vodka and her pack of Monte Carlo cigarettes.

"Have fun, babe. The real party is tomorrow." Before she could begin to kiss Tyler, we heard the door bell ring upstairs. Mike and Jessica immediately sat up, nervous, but Tyler trudged up the stairs casually, as if he'd been expecting more guests.

While he was gone, Lauren came to sit on my lap.

"Bells, we are sooo lucky you're eighteen. Now you can buy us cigarettes." She kissed my cheek lovingly and lit on of her Monte Carlo's.

After taking a few hits, she passed it off to me. I opened the vodka, taking a quick swig. It was love at first taste. Lauren and I downed nearly half the bottle before Tyler returned with a lanky guy with brown hair; he looked to be about 20.

"Woah, Iz, don't be taking my girl," Tyler joked. "Guys, this is Shannon." Everyone looked at him in knowing; he was all Tyler had talked about during lunch throughout the week.

Lauren rejoined Tyler in their chair, while Shannon came over to me.

"So you're Iz, huh?" He smiled down at me, attempting to be seductive.

"Bella," I corrected. He laughed at my unimpressive grimace.

"Well, _Bella_, are you going to be at Lauren's tomorrow night?" He asked as he sat in front of my chair; I could see it in his pale brown eyes that he wanted me to be there.

"Yeah, I'll be there," I replied after another sip of the vodka in my lap.

In my slightly drunken stupor, I deducted that I felt better about what happened with _him_ when I was intoxicated. I looked down at the near-empty bottle, smiling. It was my cure; it helped the pain subside. I could think _his_ name without screaming in agony. _Edward_, I thought. _Edward, Edward, Edward._ I laughed, in spite of myself. Shannon obviously took that as the alcohol talking.

"So, what's up, Bella? Are we gonna hook up tonight, or what?" It was then I noticed that everyone else had cleared the room, leaving all traces of the alcohol with us.

"No, not tonight," I slurred, stumbling back up to Tyler's living room. I finished the bottle and crashed on the couch in front of Tyler's big screen; Shannon sat across the room from me, watching me rather than the television.

"What? Do you really like me that much?" I asked lazily. He chuckled.

"You know, I think I do." He staggered across the room toward me.

Through my hazy eyes, I hardly noticed him kneel on the floor next to the couch; the only indication he was getting in my face was the smell of marijuana on his breath. I hardly noticed when he first pressed his lips against mine, but when his tongue darted out to meet my own, and he touched me in places _he'd_ never dared to go before, I noticed.

"I said 'not tonight,' Shannon." I winked at him. He shook his head, laughing, as he returned to the chair on the other side of the coffee table.

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I was awakened by Jessica shaking my shoulders, annoyed.

"Bells, we have to go! It's two in the morning!" I jerked awake instantly, sitting up too quickly, sending my pounding headache into motion.

"Bella, get off your ass! My parents just called! I have to get you guys back to my place!" Mike screamed, picking my limp, drunken body up off the couch.

"I-I can walk," I muttered, pushing against Mike. He dropped me swiftly, steadying me when I almost tumbled to see my good friend Mr. Grass.

"Are you sure about that?" he joked as he helped me into the suburban.

Mike drove at an insane speed, reminding me of _him_, back to his house. Jessica, Lauren, and I jumped into her car, speeding back to Jess's house. We snuck in through Jessica's second story window, each crashing to the floor with a quiet thud. The three of us snickered as we staggered to the full-size bed.

I fell asleep that night with a massive hangover, mashed in between my two new best friends.

**A/N: Well, there you have it, folks! Bella's first taste of danger. Next chapter, which will hopefully be up tomorrow, is about Lauren's Halloween party. Hope it lived up to your standards! Review!**


	3. How long till this goes away?

**A/N: Beware of the dirty, raunchy sex scene and suggestive language! Lol. It's really not that bad, but it's rated M for a reason, people! I'm not holding back, here. :) Song: How Long by Hinder. Good song.**

As much as I hated it, I woke up craving a cigarette. I managed to get out of the bed without waking either of my friends. Through the brain-splitting headache, I was able to remember that Lauren had her cigarettes with her at Tyler's. After a scavenger hunt for a lighter, I leaned out of Jess's window to smoke.

The brisk October air reminded me too much of _him._ I could no longer think _his_ name in my sobriety. What would _he_ think of my behavior? I suppose it's not really _his_ business. _You wanted me to be human; here's to living it up_, I thought as I put out my cigarette.

Through the vast amounts of pills, I was able to find ibuprofen in Lauren's bag. I took the bottle and went to Jessica's shower. After cleaning myself, and my hangover, up, I decided I should probably get Lauren and Jess up, considering it was noon.

"Jess!" I whispered, "Jess, it's noon. You've got to get up." I shook her gently. The time seemed to finally sink into her slightly intoxicated brain, and she jerked awake quickly.

"Oh, my God, how long have we been asleep?" she asked sleepily. Lauren turned over to look up at me, as well.

"Uhm…about nine…ten hours."

"Shit," they moaned in unison.

They stripped themselves of their clothes and ran into the bathroom. I loud thud could be heard soon after the door was closed, followed by very loud giggles. I rolled my eyes and pulled my clothes out of my bag. In the process, I felt my cell phone vibrate in my back pocket. I looked down at the caller ID and groaned.

_Charlie_

"Hello?" I asked innocently.

"Hey, Bells. Are you having fun at Jessica's?"

"Yeah, Dad, it's been a ton of fun. Can I spend the night again, though? I think we're going over to Mike's to watch movies or something."

"Sure, Bella. I'm just glad to see you're not dwelling on _him_. I think Billy's coming up to watch the game, anyway."

"Thanks, Dad, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye, Bella."

I changed into a Forks High t shirt and jeans and pulled on my converse. Jessica and Lauren came back from the bathroom when I was putting on my make-up. I was glad, now, that Alice had given me so many great tips on make-up application.

"Please tell me that's not what you're wearing today," Lauren commented as she pulled on a pair of black skinny jeans.

"What's wrong wi-" I was cut off by a piece of pink material falling over my face. I looked down at the pink and black striped sweater and back at Lauren, confusion written on my face.

"Trust me, you'll look much better, babe."

I shrugged my shoulders, but changed my shirt, nonetheless. I looked back in Jess's mirror; Lauren was right.

"So what are we doing today?" Jessica asked, returning from brushing her teeth. We all exchanged expectant glances.

"I guess we'll go to my house. We can send Bella out for cigarettes, cause I'm dangerously low, and Shannon will probably get the booze if I get him the money at the party. And of course, Shannon and Brandon will take care of everything else," Lauren retorted as she applied her make-up.

"So who's Brandon?" I asked casually.

"Just another dealer we hang out with. He lives in Port Angeles," Jessica replied as she attempted to straighten her naturally curly hair.

Thirty minutes later, we were on our way to Lauren's house. After nearly an hour of arguing over whether or not anyone would tell on me, it was decided that I should go to Port Angeles for the cigarettes, just to be safe. I was also told to meet Brandon at the McDonald's afterward and give him a ride to Lauren's.

"So you have his number in case you can't find him, right?" Jessica asked as I picked up the keys to Lauren's blue Honda civic.

"And you remember what we told you he looks like?"

"Guys, I know! The number is in my pocket, and he's about 5'10 with short, dark hair and a little bit of a mustache. He's as pale as I am, and he'll probably be wearing a black hat. I think I've got it." I continued to the Honda without a second glance.

I spent the half-hour drive thinking over what I was getting myself into. If _he_ were here, _he_ would've killed me by now. But, then, _he_ would probably only do that if _he_ really loved me, which _he_ didn't. I was just a distraction. If the one thing I care about isn't going to give my actions a second thought, then neither am I.

I pulled into the gas station closest to the McDonald's. After buying two cartons with the money Lauren gave me, I walked down the street and into the McDonald's. I spotted Brandon easily enough; he looked just as Jess and Lauren had described him.

"You Iz?" he asked as he stood from the table. I grimaced at his use of the now-popular nickname.

"Call me Bella." We walked, for the most part, in silence as we made our way back to the car.

"So…you got a boyfriend?" he inquired as he closed the passenger door. I tensed up immediately.

"No…I don't." After sensing my melancholy, he quieted. The drive seemed to take longer because of this. Nonetheless, we were back at Lauren's by three.

"Brandon!" Lauren squealed as she burst through her front door and straight into his arms. He chuckled as he lifted her into a hug.

"Nice to see you, too," he responded through his laughter.

Shannon was sitting on the couch with Jessica when we came in. After hearing the door shut, Mike and Tyler emerged from the kitchen.

"Hey, Bella, hope you don't get scared tonight. Some booze might come after you with a knife when you pass out," Tyler teased, hugging me. He and Mike greeted Brandon, and returned to the kitchen to set up the tons and tons of alcohol Shannon bought.

"Here, guys," Lauren said as she pulled out one of her pill bottles, "We'll need this later." She gave Jessica two blue pills, easily recognized as valium. She gave me two yellow.

"We need to start you out slow," she laughed as I swallowed the two. "Bella, go up to my room. I found you the perfect outfit for the party!" she squealed as she pushed me up the stairs.

"Which room is yours?" I asked, stumbling up the steps.

"First one on the right!" she called from the kitchen, obviously flirting with at least one of the four men in her kitchen.

On her pink bed lay an orange halter top and a black ruffled mini skirt: perfect for Halloween. I changed and ran back down the stairs, without tripping, to sit next to Jessica on the couch and smoke; I could tell I was already speeding down the road to addiction.

"Oh, my God! Tonight is going to be so much fun! There's like…tons of people coming." Jessica was practically bouncing next to me by seven: the time the party was to start.

As people started to arrive, I noticed that hardly any of them were people I knew from school; nearly all of them looked liked they'd already graduated…or dropped out. Most of the guests were guys, but I noticed that about every three guys had a girl on his arm.

My first two valiums were wearing off, and I was searching the smoke and crowd for Jessica or Lauren for another. I bumped into Shannon along the way.

"Hey, Iz, need something?" I glared at him for using that God-forsaken name again.

"Yeah, I'm looking for Lauren. I need another valium." I nearly had to scream it in his ear over the loud music.

"Nahh, don't bother with that. Take these." He dropped in my hand two blue pills with butterflies printed on them.

"What is it, Shannon?!" I had to shout now; there was a stupid cat fight taking place in our vicinity.

"It's ex. Just try it," he murmured in my ear. After doing his convincing, his teeth collided with my ear lobe, sending shudders of lust all throughout my body.

"How about tonight?" he asked, leaning in for a kiss. I leaned away.

"Good things come to those who wait." I skipped off then, making sure my hips shook suggestively as I made my way through the people to get a coke so I could take my pills. I closed the refrigerator door to find a grinning Tyler standing behind it.

"Shit, you scared me," I laughed as I downed the little blue pills. He laughed. I had never noticed how cute his laugh really was.

"Wanna dance?" God, when did he get so hot?! I don't know why I picked _him_ over Tyler.

"Sure…Lauren won't get mad will she?" I was just becoming friends with her; I didn't want to ruin that already.

"No, we're not dating, and she totally adores you, Bells." He leaned down to whisper in my ear. "Apparently she told Brandon she wants to eat your pussy." My mouth dropped in shock. Much to my surprise…and confusion…I found myself laughing.

"Wow…uhm…how about that dance?" I asked, trying unsuccessfully to contain my fit of giggles.

He led me out to the center of Lauren's large family room, the music pounding in our ears. I began to sway to the rap music, not consciously aware of my actions. I was soon able to get a hold on my movement, having taken in the new song playing.

_Why'd you go and break what's already broken  
I try to take a breath but I'm already choking  
How long till this goes away  
I try to remember to forget you  
But I break down every time I do  
It's left me less than zero  
Beat down and bruised_

_Edward_, I thought menacingly. _Don't do anything stupid_. I recalled his words in my mind. What does he care?! It's not like Edward cared enough to stick around to see that I kept that promise!

I found myself grinding against Tyler, sweat pouring down my face due to the heat bouncing around the room. His hands soon found my hips, holding me to him as we moved to the rhythm. When the song was over, I turned around to see Shannon discretely passing Tyler a joint, already lit. He took a huge drag and handed it down to me. I took four hits before finally turning it back over to him. When my brain gave way to the illegal substances in my system, I decided that I didn't care anymore. It's my life, and I want to live it up. I'm only going to be eighteen once, right? Why not make the best of it? And so, I decided _I didn't care._

I didn't care when Tyler led me up the stairs. I didn't care that he pushed me down on a soft bed in the dark room, the moonlight being the only source of light. I didn't care that we were both laughing as we stripped ourselves of all traces of clothing. I didn't care that he was kissing me in a way I was unaccustomed to. I didn't care when he bit my ear, my neck, my nipples. I didn't care that my thong was probably in four pieces on the floor, judging by the ferocity of removal. I didn't care that Tyler had his face buried between my legs, nibbling and sucking on my clit, his tongue teasing me in an unimaginable way. I didn't care when my back arched and I screamed out his name rather than Edward's. I didn't care when Tyler ripped my innocence from me, replacing it with a painful sensation as we moved in a perfect rhythm on the bed. I didn't care that there was probably a crack in the wall due to the headboard colliding with it numerous times. I didn't care when he screamed out my name, filling the condom with his semen. I didn't care that I passed out for the second night in a row, now in the arms of someone who _did_ care.

**A/N: Like? No? Tell me. Review! In case you're confused, as I was: Yes, Bella was aware that it was a random one-night stand. I just couldn't think of a better way to end it. And the reason Bella found herself so attracted to Tyler was because of the ecstasy Shannon gave her. So yeah…Review, loves!**


	4. So steady as she goes

A/N: So…I feel like a true writer already

**A/N: So…I feel like a true writer already. Surviving off sugar highs: check. Talking to self in third person: check. Carrying a notebook everywhere: check. Le sigh. I'm tired. Drama sucks. So that's why it's been forever since I updated. Forgive me, please. :)**

"Bella, I can smell the smoke all over you! Do you think I'm blind?! Look at your eyes! I'm a cop; I'm trained to recognize this sort of thing! What would make you want to do this?" Charlie finally sat down at the kitchen table, obviously feeling accomplished by his little fatherly speech.

"Dad, it's nothing, ok? Just a party. And I'm eighteen; I can do this if it's what I want."

"Not if it's illegal, you can't! I have every right to arrest you and every one of your friends right now! I'm just glad that that Stanley girl and that Newton boy weren't involved." He actually thought I'd left Jessica's to party with Lauren. I had to suppress a laugh at the thought of Jessica and Mike sneaking away from the party, leaving our fate at the hands of my father, who'd come to break up our little gathering. I made a mental note to ask her about it next time I see her.

I was also very cheerful that Tyler had had the sense to put what was left of my clothes back on me and leave the room as soon as he saw the cruiser pull up. I hated to imagine what Charlie would be doing now if that run-in hadn't been avoided.

"Is all of this because of the Cullens?" He reached out to touch my hand, which I immediately recoiled.

"What would make you think that, Dad?" I could feel warm tears pooling in the corners of my eyes.

"Before I carried you out to the car you were mumbling his name in your sleep," he mumbled, obviously hurt that he'd watched me have the nightmare again.

"Maybe it is; maybe it isn't. But I'm going to bed now. You'll have plenty of time to yell over nothing in the morning." I stood and walked to my room, falling back into my zombie-like state of being.

My bed seemed so foreign and unwelcoming; I could almost picture _him_ lying there, as _he_ had after our first day in the meadow. I could remember Charlie carrying me up here after _he_ left me alone in the woods, and how Charlie had stood by this horrid bed every night when I'd wake, screaming and crying, from the same wretched dream.

I opted for the floor. I pulled a soft, thick blanket from the closet and lay it across the hardwood floor in front of the bed. I found a pillow that didn't smell like _him_, and fell into a peaceful slumber.

Sunday was better. Jessica, still innocent in my father's eyes, picked me up at nine. She handed me a cigarette the moment we turned out of my driveway.

"Thanks for leaving us," I muttered. I was trying to sound angered, but still pleased that she'd left me with a good cover when I needed to party a little.

"No problem," she laughed. "Your stuff's still at my place. We're going to stop there, you'll get your stuff, and then we're going to Brandon's to hang out today. I'll be sure to have you home by nine; it is a school night, after all."

We laughed and joked all the way back to Jess's house. Once we ran inside long enough to get my things, we started down the wet road to Port Angeles. I could feel a string of questions coming along, now that Jessica had me alone.

"So…do you mind me asking what happened with Edward?" I winced at the sound of his name.

"Right now, yeah. But ask away once I get fucked up." My icy attitude screamed at her to stop, or at least change the subject. She decided on changing the subject, being Jessica.

"So, last night, me and Mike had to run back to our houses for a little while, but after everything had calmed down, we snuck off to Shannon's place. Oh, my God, he is so good in bed, Bella. You _have_ to get with him sometime." My head shot up automatically.

"Whaaa?" I gaped at her momentarily.

"Yeah, he's great. And I'm not the same jealous bitch I used to be. I'm just trying to help you get over Cullen." She gave me a sad smile.

"We'll see," I laughed.

I turned to look back out at the green scenery of the Olympic Peninsula. Everything about this place held memories of _him_; the cloudy sky, the lush, wet scenery, everything. I began to doubt how much longer I could stay here. Driving through Port Angeles brought back memories of the night when all our secrets came out, and the times that_ he_ saved me. The near silent sound of the rain on the hood of the car reminded me of my first nights in Forks, the nights he watched me sleep. The memories became too difficult to handle. I lit another cigarette.

"Shannon bringing anything good?" I asked conversationally, as I was beginning to wonder if we'd ever get to Brandon's.

"Probably. Even if he doesn't, Brandon's always got something. Lauren usually gets our ex from him. So…did you have fun with Tyler? I heard what happened…actually, everyone upstairs could hear it." She giggled at my staggered expression.

My cheeks flushed a brilliant red. "Yeah, I, uhh, had a lot of fun." And it was true; I felt better afterward.

"Shit. I think this is it. Call Lauren real quick and see where she went. I told her not to leave so I could find the house."

I pulled my small phone from its pocket in my purse, and quickly dialed Lauren's number.

She answered breathlessly on the fourth ring. "Hello?"

"Hey, where are you? Jess can't find Brandon's since you left."

"Well, where are you guys?"

I took in my surroundings for the first time before answering. "In front of a really little brick house."

"Well then you're there. Tell Jess to use the spare key. Oh, and tell her that she'll be glad we left. We had to make a run for something she was complaining about earlier. See you in a few, Bee."

I rolled my eyes at the newest nickname before turning my attention back to an annoyed Jessica. "Use the spare key. The made a run for something for you, so don't be pissy. I can see it written all over you face," I laughed.

Her face perked up instantly. "Yes! I've been wanting rophies for like…ever. Finally," she exclaimed, throwing open her door.

I trailed behind her. "So…uhm, what are we going to do, just sit around and get fucked up all day?"

"Probably," she laughed. "But Brandon has a pretty wicked sound system, _and_ three bedrooms." She definitely exaggerated the last part for my benefit.

Jessica pulled a small silver key from beneath the tattered mat in front of the black door. She ushered me in after unlocking it.

The main room was small, though there were two couches and three chairs within it. How that was I'll never know. I could plainly see the kitchen from the family room. It appeared that the house, despite its size, was unbelievably two stories, the family room and the kitchen being the only rooms on the first floor. The small, narrow staircase was just to the right of the kitchen.

"I'll be right back. I gotta pee," Jessica said as she climbed the stairs, leaving me sitting on a black leather couch much like _his_ in the main room. She returned only moments later.

"Need a cigarette?" she offered as she sat next to me.

I took it eagerly. I put it in my mouth, holding it there while she searched her purse for a lighter. She leaned over and lit the cigarette for me. I took a hit, and since she wouldn't move back, ended up blowing smoke in her face.

"You're so pretty, Bella. Would you do me a favor?" I tensed up when I realized she hadn't had to pee at all; she went to take her ecstasy. Perfect.

"Jess, that all de-," I said before I was cut off by her lips on mine. My eyes widened momentarily, but my shock quickly dissolved as I thought, _what the hell? No big deal._ After a few minutes, she pushed me down on the couch, trying to remove my shirt. Before she could, though, the front door opened. We sat up immediately and stared into the shocked eyes of Lauren, Mike, Tyler, Shannon, and Brandon.

"Uhm…we're very sorry to interrupt, please continue," Mike laughed as he leaned against the door frame.

I grimaced at him. "So…what'd you guys bring?" I inquired in an attempt to distract them. It seemed to work.

"Rope and dope," Shannon replied simply with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Mike, roll Iz a joint. Tyler, turn up the music. Lauren, will you go get the beer out of the kitchen?" All the while, Brandon was too busy hooking up his X-Box to perform the tasks himself.

Mike sat down beside me, pulling a bag from his pocket. While he was rolling a joint for us, Tyler was looking through Brandon's CDs for something suitable, and Lauren was returning with four six-packs. She handed me two.

"Have fun," she whispered, followed by kissing my cheek. I rolled my eyes as I realized what was happening: everyone was trying to set me up with Mike for his benefit.

"Here ya go," Mike said in my ear as he handed it to me, having already taken a hit himself.

"Thanks," I sighed after taking a few hits.

I took the beer Mike was sipping from his hand, making him laugh as he surrendered it to me. He opened the other. Once I was pretty out of it, I could feel the set-up coming on strong. Mike started trying to get closer, kissing my cheek, my neck, breathing in my ear. Everyone was behind him.

"Mike is so great," Lauren commented randomly, sensing my walls coming down.

"Totally," Jessica agreed. I laughed.

"Mike, let's just go upstairs before the guys start telling me how wonderful you are," I laughed. He gladly obliged, leading me into the first bedroom on the left side of the hall.

He didn't speak until he had me on the bed, underneath him. "Bella, I've wanted you for so long; you don't know how much I've wanted you," he breathed on my stomach as he lifted my shirt, trailing kisses up to my chest.

Once my shirt was on the floor, he began to kiss me fully on the lips. The only other thing I remembered before my consciousness gave way was the same painful sensation from the night before, the pain that drove away the memories of _him._

**A/N: Sorry this took so damn long. Blame it on the drama. Le sigh. I figured out the beginning of Welcome to the Black Parade on piano today by accident. Whoo. Well…I'm off to get a coffee. Review! It inspires me to write quicker!**


	5. Am I that strong to carry on?

A/N: Tee hee

**A/N: Tee hee. In case you didn't catch it, my little surprise author note was my own personal little sick April fool's day joke. :D But here it is—a new chapter. Thanks for all the reviews, guys! You're all wonderful. Oh, and, a special little extra for you guys, I have no geometry teacher now! It seems that the idiotic rednecks that run our school board have failed to provide an educator for the students. :)**

**Jasper: Those idiots.**

**Me: I know, right?**

**Jasper: Totally.**

**Alice: Woah, you're not gonna get another teacher!**

**Me: Bitchin!!**

Monday. Ugh, why? I wanted nothing more than to go to Tyler's and just…let it all go. _He_ was fresh in my mind. I could feel the unbearable pain building; I smoked.

I threw on a hoodie and jogging pants with my Puma tennis shoes. After throwing my hair up in a messy bun, not caring what I looked like, I ran out to the truck. On the way, though, I noticed that Jessica was sitting at the end of the driveway in the midst of the November fog.

"Surprise!" she squealed when I opened the passenger door, bewildered. I rolled my eyes and laughed softly at her enthusiasm.

"How can you possibly be so excited for school?" I pondered, pronouncing 'school' with resent and disgust.

"Let's just say…you've never hung out with us during gym before." She smirked evilly. She was right; before she'd left, I'd always spent the gym class with Alice. Since then I'd kept to myself.

After a comfortable silence that lasted only a few minutes, Jessica parked in front of the school. We walked inside, parting ways to go to our classes. The first two classes passed in a blur.

Leaving my second class, chemistry, I passed by Mr. Banner's classroom. The memories stabbed me like a dagger in the stomach. Flashbacks ran through my mind: the first day, the temptation we had for one another when the lights went out, the day he took me home after blood typing. It was too much.

I walked to the gym hurriedly, not bothering to change today. I noticed that Jessica and Lauren weren't changing, either. Though they had changed, Mike and Tyler sat with us in the bleachers. After coach Clapp started to lecture on the rules and regulations of cricket, we all sneaked outside, just past the locker rooms, to smoke. Tyler had only four joints rolled, not expecting me to join them today; I shared with Lauren. After we had finished, we made it back inside just as everyone was changing. Lauren and I grabbed our bags and headed to Spanish, high as kites.

The rest of the day passed in a blur, as usual. The cloudy, omnipresent days passed much the same, and eventually turned into weeks. On the weekends we had our parties, I slept with random guys when I was drunk, Charlie yelled at me and asked if I'd like to start spending the nights in a cell with a man named Bobba-Lu, and I began to stay with Jessica more frequently, those nights usually ending with us kissing after taking the ecstasy we'd get from Brandon.

Christmas was suddenly upon us, and I had accepted an invitation to go shopping with Jessica and Lauren. For the occasion, we'd decided to drive to Seattle. To Charlie, Jess was still the innocent sweetheart who kept me out of trouble, so, of course, he had no objections to our outing as long as I made it back for dinner.

Once we'd found a decent parking spot within the lot of the biggest mall Seattle had to offer, we decided it'd be best to split up, in order to buy gifts for one another. Naturally, I took off to Wet Seal, while the others probably went to Hollister. After only a few minutes, I found a red and purple paisley dress for Jessica, and a yellow belted jacket for Lauren.

"Ooh, Wet Seal!" Jess gushed once we'd reunited in the food court. We all sat at a table closest to the stores, hoping to get away quickly once we'd eaten; the tables were beginning to fill with Christmas shoppers enjoying their lunches, as well.

"Yes, but you won't know what's inside until the Christmas party. We will be keeping this party classy, won't we?" I asked, doubtful that we'd be too trashy at our party next weekend.

"Yes, only the essentials: cigarettes and booze," Lauren laughed as she pulled out her wallet. "Ready to get some food?"

After we all settled for Chinese, we began discussing plans for the party. We finished within half an hour, and by that time most shoppers were eating, leaving us to a less-crowded shopping experience. Gifts still had to be bought for Mike and Tyler, plus, I still needed to find a gift for Charlie.

I emerged two hours later victoriously with gifts for all three men in my life. For Charlie, I bought a picture frame which held a picture of us with the Blacks when I'd once spent summer with him growing up. Tyler's present, like Jess and Lauren's, was clothing. I bought him a striped polo from American Eagle. It was a startlingly dark shade of red, a color that looked godly on his form. For Mike, I purchased new cologne from the same store.

The night brought us to Lauren's house; her parents were vacationing in Bermuda. In true slumber party tradition, we all ended up in tank tops and short shorts, dancing through the house while eating ice cream and smoking. Music played loudly from the stereo in the family room, and the television was on MTV.

By midnight, my friends were passed out in the living room, drunk as usual. I, however, was in the basement, painting on a large canvas Lauren had from her days of art classes, long since passed. I chewed the end of my large brush as I thought; an old habit. Without consciously thinking of what I was about to paint, I dabbed the brush in brown paint and mixed it with red…

I took a few steps back to stare at the canvas I'd just completed. Edward's smile was burning into me as I took another drink from the bottle of Goldschlager. The pain in his golden eyes was visible, looking at me disapprovingly from the painting. From the small boom box in the corner of the room, I could hear a familiar song playing on the only rock radio station in Forks.

_And all of your weight  
All you dream  
Falls on me it falls on me  
And your beautiful sky  
The light you bring  
Falls on me it falls on me_

Tears fell as I cleaned up the mess of paints everywhere. I hurriedly put the materials away and grabbed my vodka. I stumbled as quickly as possible up the stairs, and collapsed next to Lauren on the couch, drowning away my worries of Edward in alcohol.

I had never been so thankful for a break from school. My grades were still average, but nothing like they had been only months before. Every day became harder, and every day I did more to make it easier on myself.

I drove myself home on Friday afternoon so that I could make Charlie dinner before heading to Lauren's. I found a note on the counter.

_Bella,_

_I know you're going to Jessica's to go to the country club party tomorrow. I need you to come home on Sunday, though, kid. Billy invited us down for Christmas dinner. Rebecca and Rachel are gonna try to be there. And you haven't seen Jake since last spring. I'll call you later. Love you, Bells!_

_ Dad_

I groaned as I held the note, microwaving some leftover enchiladas for Charlie. While I waited, I called Jess to inform her of my obligations.

"It's okay. You just can't get totally plastered tomorrow night," she laughed over the volume of the radio in Mike's car. "We're almost there, so hurry and get your stuff!" The line went dead.

I wrote Charlie a reply before I ran upstairs to pack my things. Mike and Jessica could wait.

_Dad,_

_Don't worry about it. I'll be here bright and early Sunday morning. Dinner's in the microwave. Love ya,_

_ Bella_

Mike's car sputtered to a stop in front of the house just as I put down the pen. I ran to open the door, inviting them in to wait as I packed. They made themselves comfortable on the couch, watching television as I gathered my things. I ran to my room, managing not to trip, and threw random clothes and shoes onto the bed. I made sure to grab the red halter dress and silver flats Lauren had given me as an early Christmas gift to wear to the party. When my duffle was full, I ran back down to meet my friends.

"Ready?" Mike asked as he stood.

"Let's go!" I replied cheerfully, opening the front door.

Once the door was locked, I ran to join them in the car. We drove through Forks at nearly 90 mph, enjoying the tiny snow flakes falling. The three of us were going to Port Angeles for dinner, considering Mike had been grounded for sneaking out for a while. Tyler and Lauren would've joined us, but they were busy setting up a party and an alibi. I cringed as the suburban screeched to a stop in front of the familiar restaurant. La Bella Italia laughed in my face as I approached, hesitating with every step.

"Bella!" Jessica laughed, linking arms with me, "do you remember that night last year when we came up here to go shopping with Angela?"

"Yeah, Jess, I remember. And I'd really like not to," I muttered, walking past Mike into the restaurant as he held the door.

"Sorry, Bella, I forgot." She grabbed my hand, holding on as the hostess led us to the table, luckily in a different section than _his_.

The dinner was tolerable, though I ate little. Our drive back to Forks was a bit more exciting, since we made a short pit stop at Brandon's. The thick smoke coming from the pot filled the car and flowed gracefully out the window and into the wind. Mike refrained from smoking for once, only until we got home.

Tyler and Lauren were already at Lauren's when we pulled up in the driveway. We found them kissing on the couch when we walked in. They broke apart, and Lauren restarted the movie they had begun watching: Just Friends. The night was spent kissing, drinking, smoking, and watching movies, ending in the inevitable unconsciousness of me and my closest friends.

An unfamiliar sun woke me Saturday morning. I looked around for a moment, confused. I shook my head clear of my thoughts, and grabbed my bag, still sitting by the door. I ran up to the bathroom just off the staircase, barging in without bothering to knock. I was greeted by Tyler's butt as the door swung open. I only laughed and apologized; it was nothing I'd never seen.

"Wanna join me?" he asked flirtingly. I laughed as I nodded my head, stripping myself of my clothes.

"But no funny business," I warned, shaking my pointer finger in his face.

An hour later, we emerged from the bathroom, steam rolling out into the hall as we did. We were still giggling; I had nearly fallen when he tried to push me down to the floor easily. He caught me just in time, and we decided it would be best that we didn't try shower sex.

Lauren and Mike were still sleeping when we walked down the stairs. Jessica was in the kitchen cooking omelets.

"Mmm, something smells good," I said as I walked up behind her, planting a kiss on her cheek.

"You guys sit down and eat. I'm gonna get those lazy bums up." She retreated to the living room, and soon two thuds resounded, followed by, "Oow!"

Tyler and I laughed as Lauren and Mike were dragged into the room by Jessica. She sat them down at the table.

"Eat," she commanded, "it'll make your hangover better." I was almost shocked by her motherly attitude.

After breakfast, we began our set-up for the party. Mike and I were sent to the movie rental store to get every Christmas movie we could find. Jess and Tyler went to get decorations, and Lauren stayed home to call our alcohol sources and make food. The house was fully and well-decorated when Mike and I returned. I snuck a quick peek at the clock and noticed it was already 5. With everyone else in the kitchen, I ran up to Lauren's room and grabbed my dress from the duffle, along with the silver flats. I slipped into the dress and flipped my hair, ready for the best Christmas ever.

**A/N: Sorry this took so long, guys! I wanted to post it Tuesday night, but I've been super busy. :(**

**Rosalie: You are forgiven.**

**Me: Thanks.**

**Rosalie: Let's go shopping.**

**Me: Mmk! Review, kids!!**


	6. Hold your head high heavy heart

A/N: Sorry guys, you are in the hands of a very busy author

**A/N: Sorry guys, you are in the hands of a very busy author. :( I loves you all, though. Uhm…I'm thinking this chapter and new years, then we get back to where we started and Edward comes in. :) And there was much rejoicing, am I right? Especially for Neutrality, there is a reference to a BellaxShannon, but not written, because people seem to think I'm getting monotonous. I made everyone werewolves early. And Harry lived after he found out about Leah and Seth. Wouldn't it suck to know you being a werewolf gave your dad a heart attack and killed him? Ugh. All writing and no reviews makes Kelli a dull girl. :) Review!**

The slinky red halter dress got raving reviews. I lost count of how many guys hit on me after seven. This was probably due to the fact that I drowned myself in vodka, having no other means by which to get intoxicated. In addition to my own bottle of Skyy, I did shots with Lauren at the request of Shannon; he was curious as to who was better at holding their liquor. Since Lauren and I had both had our fair share, we were even when the competition started.

"Alright, girls, are you ready?" Shannon asked as he sat eight shot glasses of tequila on the coffee table before us.

Everyone was surrounding us—some behind me, some behind Lauren, and some neutral. Without answering, we each picked up a glass and drank the liquid carelessly.

"Mike, grab some more; they're burning them up quick!" Tyler shouted into the kitchen as we took our second shots.

Already Lauren was looking a little green. I smirked as I threw down my third. Lauren, however, only had to look at the small glass in front of her to turn and puke…all over Brandon's new DC skate shoes. He looked like someone ran over his dog.

"Oh, my God, Brandon, I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed, staring at him with wide eyes, mostly hidden by her huge pupils.

"I-it's o-oh k-kay," he stuttered, a tear sliding down his cheek. Those shoes had cost the poor kid all his earnings of the past month.

Luckily, he and Tyler were able to clean off all the vomit without damaging the shoes beyond repair. Shannon came up to me as Lauren and I parted and went back to dancing.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" he asked me as he supported most of my weight. I couldn't stand up straight sober, much less hammered out of existence. "Wanna go upstairs? Last night was fun."

He winked at me, smiling, and I laughed, remembering our little incident after we'd walked in on Tyler and Lauren. Shannon had shown up for a while, just after we'd started raiding Lauren's parents' liquor cabinet, and I'd ended up with him in the guest room.

"Not tonight. Remember what I told you." I stumbled off to find Jessica then, looking for a cigarette.

Once she'd given me her pack, I wobbled outside and sat on Lauren's car. The bitter cold air reminded me of Edward, as per usual. After another drag, I started to cry. It'd been months since I'd seen him, and I'd been with so many guys since; how could I still miss him? I suppose it was a moot point, considering I'd never receive an answer.

"Hey, Iz, what are you up to?" Tyler asked as he jumped onto the hood beside me.

I quickly wiped my eyes and face of any remaining tears, and took the last drag I'd get out of my cigarette. Tyler already had another one lit for me, sensing my tension, before I could put out the first.

"Thanks," I breathed, smoke filling the air.

He scooted closer when the silent tears began to fall again, wrapping an arm around my shoulders lovingly. I didn't care how I felt so out-of-place with Tyler; he didn't leave. Of all the guys, he seemed to care the most. Not once in our time together as friends had he left me or blown me off; he understood how vulnerable I felt, being my first.

"He's not worth the tears, Bella," he whispered as he tilted my chin up to look at him.

"I can't believe you called me Bella," I giggled as he kissed my cheek.

"Don't get used to it."

We smiled at each other for a moment longer, and then went back inside to socialize. We talked, smoked, drank, and listened to Christmas music. By two, everyone had left but me, Jessica, Mike, and Tyler. As we sat around the family room after cleaning up our monumental mess, I remembered something vitally important.

"Shit," I muttered, "Lauren, do you have any hangover cure? I'm seriously going to need it. I have to go home in the morning. Charlie's taking me to La Push for Christmas dinner."

"Oh, that sucks," Mike laughed.

"Kinda," I agreed sarcastically. He grinned at me.

"Yeah, there's some in the kitchen. Jess sat it out for you. At least she remembered," she teased as I bounded to the kitchen, managing to keep my balance for once.

I stuffed the bottle in my purse, so not to forget it, and plopped back onto the couch between Jess and Tyler. My head rested on Jessica's shoulder as we watched a movie: Dazed and Confused; how appropriate. Everyone was dead asleep before the movie had even gotten good, and I was left with Tyler.

"Feeling any better?" he asked as his arm found its place on my shoulders once again.

"Not really," I sobbed as the tears flowed again.

He wrapped me up close to him and stroked my hair. "It's going to be ok, Bella. Oh, man, I could kill Cullen. How could anyone do this to you?" My tears started to flow harder, and he tightened his grip around me. "Sshh, it's ok, I'm here. Calm down," he murmured. Soon enough, I gave way to the tears, and cried myself into a dreamless sleep.

"Bella? Bella! Charlie's calling. Get up."

I heard Tyler's urgent voice and my ridiculously silly ringtone before I saw him. My eyes popped open, though, at the mention of Charlie. I answered the phone immediately, still groggy and definitely hung over.

"Hello?" I slurred into the tiny receiver.

"Morning, Bells, sorry I woke you, but you need to come home. We're supposed to be at Billy's by noon."

I gestured to Tyler for him to get the hangover cure and my watch so that I could estimate my time to get home, seemingly sober.

"I'll be there soon, Dad, promise. Just give me about an hour, ok?" I asked as I glanced at my watch, reading nine a.m.

"Sure, Bella, just don't be late."

As soon as the line fell silent, I dashed up to the shower. After rushing through the cleaning process, I dried and straightened my hair to the best of my abilities. I stumbled down the stairs after brushing my teeth to find Tyler waiting with the disgusting liquid.

"Come on, Bella, let the choo choo into the tunnel," he teased. I snatched the bottle and downed an estimate of the appropriate dosage.

I glanced back at the watch, now on my wrist; it read nine thirty. After waking Mike to let him know where we'd be, Tyler drove me home. The drive was silent aside from the music blaring from the tiny stereo.

"Tyler, some people are still asleep. Could you turn it down a little?" I shouted over the volume—a successful attempt.

"Sorry, mom," he teased.

I rolled my eyes at him and opened the passenger door. I said my thanks and ran in to meet Charlie; I was sure he'd been waiting anxiously since our earlier phone call.

My dear father had always had an obsession with being early for everything; we were parked in front of Billy's tiny house by eleven. Surprisingly, we weren't the first guests to arrive; several tall, muscular guys stood just outside a small garage off to the side of the house.

"I guess the girls couldn't make it. Oh well, I'm sure Billy's inside with Quil and Harry. I'm gonna go see what they're up to. You coming with me, or are you going to Jake's garage?" Charlie asked once we'd emerged from the car.

"I think I'll take the garage," I laughed, walking away from him.

Before I'd moved another step, I was engulfed in a bone-shattering hug. I looked down at my attacker and recognized the eyes immediately.

"Jake?" I asked, astonished by his new size.

"Bella! I haven't seen you in forever! How've you been?" I could tell by his tone that he hadn't seen past my carefully planned façade.

"I've been fine, Jake," I said stubbornly as he glared at me.

"Sure, sure. Come on, let me introduce you to the guys." I heard a soprano voice clearing their throat and fought back a smile.

"Bella, this is Sam, Seth, Leah, Quil, Embry, Paul, and Jared. Guys…and Leah, this is Bella."

"Hey guys," I said shyly as I received dazed stares from four of the guys…and Jake.

"Sam!" I heard a woman shout from the house, "You guys need to get in here now. It's time to eat."

"Be right there, Emily. Just give us a sec," the tallest of the men shouted back. "Come on guys, you heard the lady," he sighed as he walked away. I trailed behind the men, feeling oddly insecure about my small stature.

"Hey, Bella," the girl I remembered was named Leah said as she took up my left side.

"Hey, Leah…you're Harry Clearwater's daughter, right?" I asked as I remembered spending time with her when we were younger and Charlie would fish with her father.

"Yeah," she laughed, "I didn't think you remembered me."

"Sorry. It's been a while," I replied with a cheerful tone.

"Come on, there won't be anything left if we wait any longer. Then again, Emily probably cooked a lot, knowing them." She rolled her eyes and giggled, opening Billy's front door for me.

"Thanks," I muttered as we continued into Billy's tiny kitchen.

Everyone was sitting and standing around the kitchen with a plate already. Leah and I fixed ourselves some food, and took a seat at the table; Jake and Seth had given up their seats.

"So, Bella, have you been doing alright lately?" Billy asked with a double meaning, glaring.

"Yes, Billy, I've been wonderful, actually." I scowled only slightly, trying to be more civil than he could manage.

The rest of the day, we ate leftovers, watched movies, hung out in Jake's garage, and walked down to the beach. By ten, Charlie was finally ready to leave.

"Come visit sometime, Bella. I've missed seeing you around," Jake admitted as I sat into the cruiser.

"I will, Jake. See you around." I shut the door, and Charlie started the car.

I fell asleep on the way home—the result of any overly-eventful weekend. I faintly remembered Charlie carrying me inside and up to my room.

I could almost swear I felt a cold breath on my neck and heard cries as I slipped into unconsciousness.

**A/N: Aww, Edward was crying. :( Well, not really, but you know what I mean. Sorry about screwing up the pack or whatever. I thought it would make it a little better. Review. It'll probably be Friday before I even start writing another chapter. Mommy has surgery tomorrow and I have to play maid for two weeks. :D Again, review for me so that I have some inspiration to stay up all night Friday and write away for you guys. **


	7. I will not leave alone everything I own

A/N: I'm sure you've all wondered, what does Edward think of all of this

**A/N: I'm sure you've all wondered, what does Edward think of all of this? Did Alice see anything coming? Well, here's a special treat: a look through the eyes of Edward Cullen after he left his only love. :( Right after the party at the Blacks.**

I could never be forgiven. This girl, the only girl, was tearing herself apart little by little, and who was to blame? Only I could he held responsible; the truth ripped at my cold, dead heart.

Thank God Alice had that vision. If she hadn't…how much longer would this have gone on? Until she died? That thought crept into my mind far too often. It was what should happen, should she so choose it. She is human; she makes mistakes. But the thought of her…in the arms of Mike Newton, of Tyler Crowley, was too much; a growl escaped my chest as I continued running away from the home of Lauren Mallory.

_Flashback_

_I had finally caught onto and killed Victoria in South America, thank God. The thought of her going back for _her _was heart-breaking. I was hiding in the attic of an abandoned restaurant, waiting patiently for the cover of the night sky. The small silver phone in my pocket began to buzz annoyingly. I turned and moved around in the limited space to access the mobile device, eventually succeeding. Alice's name and picture flashed on the small screen; I sighed._

_"What?" I snapped, annoyed._

_"Shut up, Edward. This is serious. I'm tired of your childish behavior. Now, if you would so kindly act your age of 105, I need to tell you about a vision I had." She paused, waiting for me to respond._

_"Well?" I pursued in hopes of ending the call soon._

_"I saw you kill Victoria. Great job, by the way. But then I saw Bella. Edward, I promise I wasn't trying! It just came, ok? I can't control that. But you need to know about it, alright?"_

_"Fine. Just hurry. I need to get out of here soon."_

_"There was a party at our house in Forks, and Bella was there. Somebody drugged her, bad, and she passed out on your couch. She was pretty messed up when she woke up, Edward, really bad. Look, I can tell it's a while into the future. Hardly any details were set in stone, but she did something recently that decided what I did see. You need to go back, just to make sure she's ok."_

_I didn't bother ask for further elaboration; instead, I ran as fast as possible back to Forks, just to make sure she kept herself out of trouble._

_End flashback_

After a day of hunting, I watched Charlie from the tree outside the window as he laid the angel in her bed. Surprisingly, I was thrilled that Charlie had pried her away from her 'friends' for the day and took her to La Push; I naturally hated the recent werewolf population.

I wanted more than anything to jump in the window, to take her in my arms and tell her I would never leave again. By some miracle, I resisted revealing myself; however, I did go inside the room, making myself comfortable in the bed with her, letting a sob escape my lips. The cries grew more frequent, but were still nearly inaudible.

The scent of the Quiluetes burned my nose, but the scent vanished quickly. Her blood, the blood that always called to me, smelled terribly off. The drugs in her system made her smell all wrong, almost like when she'd had transfusions after James attacked her, but a thousand times worse. Then she had still had clean blood, but this, this was intolerable. I longed to whisper in her ear, to tell her I'd never leave again.

I quieted the non-existent tears long enough to listen to her sleep-talking. I almost chuckled at the angel in my arms; she was adorable when she talked in her sleep.

"Don't go," she muttered. "Stop! No! Tyler?!" she said a little louder, at an almost normal volume. I cringed as she uttered Tyler's name. "He left again! Tyler you said it'd be ok! He is to worth the tears!" She was screaming now, and tears were falling down her cheeks.

I was honestly surprised that Charlie hadn't run in here yet, his heart flying. Abruptly, he stirred. _Just that same damn dream again. I swear, if that boy ever comes around here again_, he thought. The words were followed by his imagination of him shooting me as he began to dream of the same scenario.

So she had nightmares about me leaving…I'm sure the same would be for me, could I do such a thing. Never, never, ever would I forgive myself for doing this to my only love, my angel. And I would expect her to feel the same—unforgiving. For this reason, I kept myself hidden; I feared the rejection would be too much to bear.

She continued to talk, though it had worn down to unintelligible mumbles. My sweet, beautiful Bella began to whimper again, and the tears fell onto her pillow.

"Shh, sleep, my only love, my life," I murmured, careful not to wake her. "I love you," I whispered, and then I began to hum the tune that had become all too familiar to us—her lullaby.

"Edward," she sighed. I almost thought she'd waken, but I was sure she'd make eye contact were that true. "I missed you. Don't go again. Tyler stole my goldfish. No, silly, the crackers," she muttered. I stifled a giggle and pulled her closer.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella. And Tyler won't get your goldfish anymore."

She snuggled closer to my chest and fell silent, slipping into a deeper sleep. She hardly moved for the remainder of the night, obviously satisfied with the direction of her dreams.

I fought with myself the entire night—I wanted to wake her up, to kiss her and tell her how much I missed her. But all too soon, I heard Charlie stir, and slipped out the window.

"Enjoy the snow, my angel," I soothed before closing the window behind me. "I'll see you soon."

I ran back to my home where most of my things still remained. As expected, Alice called just after the decision had been made.

"Edward!" she squealed, "I'm so glad you're staying! You have no idea how much better the future looks now. I'll be seeing you soon."

I chuckled heartily as I snapped the phone shut, coming to a stop in front of our house. I didn't bother to go inside; instead, I ran down to the river, enjoying the few peaceful moments I had in the soft winter snow.

"I'll be seeing you soon," I repeated, wishing that only Bella could hear me.

**A/N: I know it's short. Sorry. I just thought everyone might like to see what Edward's thinking around Christmas time. And there you have it! Mommy's doing great, if anyone cares. Yay! Review or I'll go all Sweeney Todd on you. Fer sure.**


	8. My life's the flame in a house of cards

**A/N: I just watched the best movie man ever created: Reality Bites. So this chapter will probably have a ton of references to the great piece of film history. Sorry the update has taken forever, but now we're getting closer to our favorite dazzler. So remember: good things come to those who wait patiently for their favorite author and review for her so that they don't have their throats slit above Mrs. Lovett's pie shop. Love ya guys.**

"You cannot," Tyler laughed whilst crushing pills.

It had been officially decided that the worst part of having our parties was waiting for them to start. Half our stash would be gone before anyone else showed up. The falling snow was evidence that our guest list for the evening wouldn't be exactly bulging. Plus, it was sorta tradition in Forks to watch New Year's Rockin' Eve with the family. It appeared that our population would consist of Tyler, Mike, Lauren, Jessica, me, Brandon, his new girlfriend, and Shannon, who was insisting that he knew how to smoke an entire cigarette in one drag.

"I swear. This kid taught me back in Seattle. It fucking hurts, but I can. I've only done it a few times," he admitted sheepishly.

"Ok, so while Shannon was rambling and I was drinking my water, I realized something like…monumental," Lauren slurred, her eyelids weighed down by her intoxication.

I looked over at her expectantly, stamping my cigarette butt in the star-shaped ash tray in front of me. "And what, pray tell, is that realization?" I asked when I got the hint that she desired to be asked before admitting anything.

"Evian is naïve spelled backward." She cracked up laughing, exhaling smoke into the already-hazy air.

"Nice," I laughed before taking a hit from Mike's lime green bong. "You're so much smarter when you're destroying your brain cells."

"Surprisingly, this makes it so much easier to think. Like…everything is so much clearer to me when there's smoke filling the air and flooding my senses. Oh, my God, I sound like Iz or something," she concluded, earning laughter from everyone sitting around the circle.

"Do you guys ever feel like we're on That 70s Show when we do this? It's like we're sitting in Eric's basement with a camera spinning around to whoever's talking. Oh, my God, Tyler should be Fez. He's the only one anywhere near tan enough," I laughed, lighting my sixth cigarette of the evening.

"So, does anyone want to see me smoke?" We all sighed as Shannon welcomed himself into the conversation again.

"Sure, Shannon, go ahead," Emily, Brandon's girlfriend, permitted while getting comfortable in Brandon's lap.

"Alright, somebody pass me a lighter." I found it odd that we couldn't find a lighter amongst the scene.

"Ooh, here's one!" Mike exclaimed. His head popped up from beneath the coffee table; he was wearing a huge grin and wide eyes.

"Nice, give it here," Shannon said excitedly, holding his hand out expectantly.

Mike dropped the lighter and Shannon bounced with excitement as he pulled his cigarette from the Tahoe package. He held the cigarette between his fingers and took a deep breath. In slow motion, he brought the cigarette to his lips and lit it. He inhaled deeply, and continued to do so for nearly a minute.

I pulled out my crossword puzzle book; I really liked crosswords when I was high. Shannon held out for another thirty seconds before he coughed, exhaling more smoke than a fog machine on Halloween.

"Hey, guys, what's a refreshing lemon or lime drink?" I asked the group, disinterested in Shannon's antics. I received no reply; everyone was laughing at Shannon and saying 'I told you so.'

"Ok, I guess I'll just move to the next one," I grumbled in irritation. How much fun could it possibly be to explain to Shannon that he is an utter moron, something he already knew well?

"Alright, alright. So I can't do it anymore. Big deal." Shannon pouted, as expected.

After another ten minutes of sheer stupidity on the part of my friends, and myself, my phone rang.

"Hello, you've reached the winter of our discontent," I answered in an apathetic tone. No reply came. "Hello?" I repeated, annoyed. The line died.

"Nice, Bella, you scared them off. Who was it anyway?" Jessica asked.

"I don't know. It came up as a private number." I shrugged and walked into the kitchen for a snack; the munchies were getting to me—something that seldom happened.

"Oh, my God, guys! Bella's eating!" Mike exclaimed sarcastically as he joined me.

"Le gasp!" everyone teased from the main room. I rolled my eyes while tearing open a box of Cheez-its.

Before I could make it around him, Mike caught me up in a kiss. He molded himself to me, sticking his hands inside the back pockets of my jeans. However, our kiss was disrupted by a loud, thunderous sound resonating from the dark, snowy night.

"What the hell was that?!" Tyler screamed as he joined us in the kitchen. He looked down at my butt, where Mike's hands still remained. His eyebrows rose teasingly, and Mike withdrew. "Come on," Tyler muttered, pulling on Mike's arm.

"And where are we going?" Mike questioned. I decided to join them, against my better judgment.

"Well we have to find out what that was, dumbass." They put on their coats and stepped outside into the 15 degree weather.

"Iz, get in here! We think Regis Philbin is high," Brandon laughed in the family room.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a minute," I called, waving my hand dismissively. "I just have to make sure they're ok."

"Fine, but you're gonna miss it. This is fucking hilarious." I rolled my eyes and turned my gaze back to Tyler and Mike.

They walked back onto the deck and brushed the snow from their damp hair. I opened the door to let them in, and took their coats back to the coat rack.

"We didn't see anything," Tyler sighed. "But my grill is missing." He sat down next to Jess on the couch. "Dunno how I'm gonna explain that one." He sighed and picked up his beer he'd left from earlier.

"Do you think somebody stole it?" Lauren questioned, seemingly disinterested.

"Uhm, probably, but that doesn't explain the _bingbangboomshingcrash_ noise, Lauren, in case you forgot that part," Tyler replied darkly.

"Well I don't fucking know. You don't have to be such an ass." She rolled her eyes and walked up the stairs, Mike hot on her trail.

"Fuck her," Tyler muttered under his breath. "Iz, you wanna head upstairs? We've still got an hour to kill til midnight."

By the time we'd made it to a bed, I was too caught up in my thoughts to enjoy the sex. I couldn't help but wonder if it was Edward who'd called me earlier. Could he have been there? Was the grill incident his responsibility? The noise reminded me of Emmett and Edward wrestling…maybe he was jealous of Mike kissing me. That would certainly explain my dream from that night after I went to Billy's; it seemed so real. I felt like I was touching him, explaining to him how much he'd been missed. Maybe I really had been…

"Bella? You ok, sweetie? It's almost midnight. We should probably get back down there," Tyler murmured in my ear from behind me.

I turned over to face him. "Yeah, uhh, what happened to my clothes?" I asked, disoriented.

"They're at the foot of the bed, babe. Want me to get them?" he asked as he made a move to get up.

"No," I protested, "I can do it. I'll meet you downstairs in a minute."

He nodded and rose from the bed. He glanced back at me once more, and then closed the door.

"Edward?" I whispered, feeling utterly stupid. I almost thought I heard a low growl, but I couldn't be sure. I thought maybe I was finally losing it. "Edward, if you're here, you'd better show yourself before I hire Emmett to tear your head off." A ghostly chuckle could faintly be heard in the distance. I rolled my eyes, blaming my temporary insanity on the insane amount of drugs in my system.

I rushed to pull my clothes on; the digital clock on the dresser blinked 11:55. I stumbled down the stairs, landing on the couch between Shannon and Jessica.

"And what took you so long?" Jessica questioned.

"Dunno. Just taking my time I guess," I responded with a shrug of my shoulders.

She dismissed my excuse, turning her attention back to the television where some blonde pop star was talking about her new movie. Soon, the host appeared, counting down the final minute of the year.

"Who's kissing who?" Brandon asked us, Emily already at his side. "You guys need to pair up."

Everyone obliged; Mike grabbed Lauren, Jessica grabbed Shannon's hand, and Tyler wrapped an arm around my waist.

11:59

I pulled my arms up to Tyler's neck, latching myself to him as I stood on the tips of my toes. His hands rested on the small of my back. We counted down together. "Three…two…one…"

Music blasted from the stereo, thanks to Brandon, and everyone kissed. Rather than the normal short, chaste pecks, we all kissed our partners passionately for nearly a minute before breaking apart.

"Alright, I'm tired, this party sucked, and I've had too much beer. Good night," Shannon announced as he wobbled up Tyler's stairs and into the bathroom.

Mike and Tyler chortled before whispering to Brandon. The three of them went into the kitchen, and ran up the stairs now holding a toilet brush, crackers, and spray cheese—couldn't end well.

"So…I'm going to bed. Who's joining me? If we lock ourselves in Tyler's parents' room, they might leave us alone." Lauren started up the stairs, me, Jess, and Emily following.

We ran quickly down the hall, in an attempt to get to the room before the guys finished their prank on Shannon. We began giggling when three heads poked out the door, and then started after us. Emily made it in the door, and we shut it quickly. Lauren locked it before joining the rest of us on the bed.

"Success," I sighed. "Good night, guys."

**A/N: Alright, so bad ending on my part, but I have Romeo and Juliet homework to do. And inspiration has struck as far as my original work is concerned, and so I must leave you. Please review plentifully because guess what? If we get to 200 by Tuesday, we will be back to our original starting point—the party at the Cullens. And that chapter will be in Edward's POV. I think I'll rewrite and repost the original one-shot chapter tomorrow. So…review!**


	9. We shake the hips in relationships

A/N: Geometry sucks

**A/N: Geometry sucks. That's it. I hate it. It should die a slow, painful death involving the removal of its reproductive letters. Alright, so it was Alice that called. She just wanted to be sure Bella was ok; she hadn't heard from Edward. Anyway, enjoy the chapter! Edward's POV on New Years!**

Twilight of New Year's Eve was my absolute favorite time. Unless I was with Bella, and then that was easily the best time of my existence. I happened to have both those pleasures in one evening.

My Bella was at the house of Tyler Crowley. I rolled my eyes at the thought of him…the way he always comforted her, and told her how unworthy I was. He had no idea, really, how right he was.

"Do you guys ever feel like we're on That 70s show when we do this?" my Isabella asked them. I chuckled at her reference. It did remind me much of that ridiculous comedy.

Another slow, agonizingly painful fifteen minutes passed. Oh, how adorable she could be. She was too cute with her face buried in her crossword puzzle book. She only had trouble with one, from what I gathered.

"It's ade, Bella," I whispered.

Her phone rang. I rolled my eyes and sighed when I realized I'd just received a text message from Jasper.

_I'm sorry_, it read. _Alice just wanted to call her and make sure she's ok. We missed her too. Don't be mad._

I pinched my nose between my thumb and fore finger. How stupid my sister could be…

"Hello, you've reached the winter of our discontent," Bella answered in a disinterested tone. I chuckled at her sarcasm and bitter humor.

Before I could text back to make sure Alice would withhold the information of my whereabouts, I heard the line die. I sighed a sigh of relief.

_Thanks_, I replied.

She stood up from the couch abruptly and shuffled groggily to the kitchen. I watched her from the glass door on the deck, wanting too badly to rush in and take her away from her new life, from her biggest mistake.

_She is so hot. Thank God Cullen left. Man, I hate that guy. Oh, well, she's mine now. I'm definitely getting laid later._ Mike's vial thoughts invaded my mind. I growled softly, but I couldn't stop the way he felt. I could only deal with that. His lips met hers, my angel's, and I lost it. I couldn't even watch long enough to see his hands find her pockets before my rage overtook me. I knew it would be very prudent not to punch a hole in the wall of Tyler's home and kill Mike, so I took in my hands the small, flimsy grill. The metal crunched under the pressure of my hands, and soon became the size of a stapler. I threw the material far off into the woods and resumed my previous activity—watching.

"What the hell was that?!" Tyler yelled through the house.

I panicked. I suppose it would be wise to assume they would've heard that. I ran away from the house as fast as my feet would take me; at least, long enough for them to decide someone had stolen the grill. Once they returned to their circle of friends, I resumed my watchman's post.

I hated what my Bella was doing to herself; she promised me she wouldn't do anything stupid. I sighed. How could I possibly be so stupid? I assumed that she would get over me, though, as humans do. But then, I should be smart enough to realize that Bella was never an average human.

My dead heart dropped into my stagnant intestines when Tyler invited my love upstairs with him. The very thought, and Tyler's, sickened me. I would rather have to eat cold breakfast cereal than have her…in bed…with Tyler Crowley. Sadly, she obliged, and I knew I would have to keep an eye on them; just to be sure she was okay.

I felt very uncomfortable to look at Bella…or Tyler for that manner…in so few clothes. The bowl of Cheerios again became near irresistible next to this. Despite my discomfort, I could see that Bella was thinking intently, rather than enjoying herself with him. I wished uselessly that her mind was open to me. Was she thinking of me? I thought maybe she'd moaned my name in a whisper during her climax…

Did I blow my cover?

They lay in bed for a few minutes before Tyler spoke. He mentioned the time, and she wished him away while she dressed. He left; she had that distant, focused look again.

"Edward?"

I froze. So maybe I had…but maybe she would blame her intoxication. Oh, how I hoped she would. I didn't want to come back into her life just yet…I wasn't ready for that. I growl escaped my lips; not a low one like earlier, but one that she would easily recognize. I cursed myself silently for my slip-up.

"Edward, if you're here, you'd better show yourself before I hire Emmett to tear your head off."

I couldn't help myself; I chuckled heartily, but quietly as I could. I thought it best to run at that point, and so I did. I called Emmett once I'd returned home to inform him that his services would soon be needed; he got a kick out of it.

Making myself comfortable in the library for the night, I searched the shelves for something good to pass the time. I pulled down a Jane Austen novel, Mansfield Park, and opened it to my favorite chapter.

I heard the clock chime midnight in the family room.

"Happy New Year, Bella. Here's to you…here's to us."

**A/N: Yes, yes. Very short. I just wanted to write about the grill incident. Please review! An edited version of the first chapter will be up later! Tomorrow I'll try to start a new one. Love you guys!**


	10. You need me like a bad habit

I stumbled to Mike's car, the full effect of the alcohol just hitting me

I stumbled to Mike's car, the full effect of the alcohol just hitting me. He staggered along, not far behind, laughing as he draped his arm lazily around Jessica's shoulders.

"That was so much fun. Shannon definitely came through this time," Tyler muttered in his drunken stupor. I faintly remembered Shannon, our dealer, showing up at Lauren's house with, what he promised was, 'the best weed he could find.' Not to mention 50 dollars worth of vodka and rum.

"Who's driving?" Lauren asked, stoned out of existence.

"Who always drives, Lauren?" Jessica asked sarcastically as Mike slid into the front seat of his suburban. After making sure we'd all gotten in, Mike took off down the road, at speeds only _he'd_ gone before, to Jessica's place, where I would be staying with her, yet again.

"Bells, let's go," Jessica muttered as she pulled on my shirt. "I have to pee!" she yelled, pulling harder. I scooted out of Mike's car quickly. Jessica ran ahead into the house.

"Hey, Bells, me and Tyler will be back later," Mike called as he pulled out of the driveway. I thought I saw him wink at me, but I couldn't be sure through my blurred vision.

"Jess? Where are you?" I whispered as I dragged myself through her front door. I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Hey, let's go to my room. I think I heard my dad." We climbed the stairs as quietly as possible and collapsed on the bed when we reached our destination.

Jessica squealed as she pulled a small zip-lock bag from under her bed. The bag held four pills: two were green with question marks printed on them, for Jess, and two were blue with a butterfly: for me. I popped my two and washed them down with some water.

The ecstasy started to take effect after only a few minutes. I found myself making out with Jessica soon after—something we did commonly after we'd gotten a new stash from Brandon, another dealer we hung out with often.

"Whoop, whoop!" Mike and Tyler called as they sat on the roof outside Jess's window watching us. We broke apart immediately.

"Hey, babe," Jessica whispered to Mike as she opened her window. "Missed you," she muttered as they retreated to their usual 'spot': the laundry room.

Tyler pushed me down on the bed, ready for his turn on me. We made out for a while before I could feel a bulge in his pants. I passed out shortly after he began kissing down my neck.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I should've expected that I'd wake with a pounding headache. I could faintly smell cinnamon in the air.

_Goldschlager_, I concluded, remembering the previous night; I also remembered my make-out session with the bottle of vodka…and Jessica…and Tyler.

I sat up on my elbows, careful not to wake a still-sleeping Jessica, who'd somehow made her way back up from the laundry room after she and Mike finished.

As I dragged myself toward Jessica's bathroom I could feel a numb pain between my legs.

_Tyler_, I recalled as I stepped into Jessica's shower. I hated being with Mike and Tyler all the time, but it's not like they were the only ones. Usually, when someone else showed up at our parties, Mike and Tyler would brag about what a good fuck I was. I got so sick of hearing "So I here you're pretty good in bed. Wanna go upstairs?" but I went with them on most occasions anyway. It's not like _he_ cared that much about me.

I stepped out of the shower to see snow falling outside the window on Jess's front lawn. I remembered how much _he _loved snow. I felt a warm tear descend my cheek.

"God, Bella, you look skinnier every day. Too bad you hardly ever get the munchies when you're stoned; it could really help you out," Jessica mentioned as she washed her face in one of the two sinks. I stood at the other, brushing my teeth.

"So what are we doing today?" I asked in an attempt to change the subject. She dried her face off before answering.

"Mike's throwing a huge party at some abandoned house," she said with a shrug of her shoulders while applying her make-up. "So did you have fun with Tyler last night?" she teased, nudging my side.

"I passed out before he got my pants off, so, no," I laughed, changing my clothes. I pulled on a hoodie as we made our way to the kitchen.

"Hey girls. What time did you get in last night?" Jess's mom asked conversationally as she served us bacon and eggs.

"Just after ten." Jessica smiled up at her mother convincingly.

"Did you have fun at the country club in Port Angeles with Mike?" her father asked, glaring. It was obvious he'd caught us, though he never said anything when he did.

"Yeah, Mike fell in the pool." Jess and I laughed.

"Glad you had fun. What are you two up to tonight?"

"Slumber party with Lauren!" Jessica squealed. She bit off a small bite of bacon.

"Do you mind if we go shopping before, though?" I asked innocently. I loved playing with Jess's parents. They were such pushovers.

"Sure. Going to Port Angeles again?" her mother looked over at me, glaring slightly.

"Yeah, I saw an ad in the paper about some big sale. I thought we might check it out, Jess." I winked at her twice: our secret code for 'we're paying Shannon a visit.'

"Sounds great. Let's go get ready!" Jessica jumped up from her chair, dragging me along. Her parents laughed at her fake enthusiasm.

"Good cover," she said, gathering some of our necessities. As she dashed around the room, I saw her stuffing condoms, our pills, weed, more pills, cigarettes, and a bottle of vodka into her large purse.

"Ready?" she asked, breathless due to her scavenger hunt. It was baffling that she could find so many hiding places in her room.

"Yeah." I grabbed my cell phone, stuffing it in my back pocket as we sped down the stairs. We were out the door before her parents could give us a curfew.

"So are you going home tomorrow? I think Charlie called you last night after you passed out," Jessica said as we got into her car.

"Shit. I guess I'll have to now." I kicked her dashboard out of anger.

"Take it easy on the car, Bee. It didn't do anything to you." She shook her head as she pulled up in front of Shannon's trailer.

"Hey, ladies. Have fun last night?" Shannon asked as he draped an arm around our shoulders, forcing himself in between us.

"You know we did," Jessica whispered seductively, reminding him of their 'fun' before we left Lauren's.

"Glad I could help," he replied as he plopped down on his couch between two guys Mike had introduced me to back at Christmas. I vaguely remembered them as Matt and Cody.

"Hey, Bells, haven't seen you in a while," Matt said, taking a drag off his cigarette. He winked at me; I shuddered. He hadn't been the best guy I'd been with.

"Yeah, it's been a while," I said, shaking my head. "Not long enough," I whispered under my breath.

"So what can I do for you ladies? Picking something up for Mike's party? I heard it's gonna be wicked," Shannon said as he rolled a joint and handed it to Cody.

"Yeah, we just came to see if you had anything good you might wanna give us," Jess asked, sitting on Shannon's lap.

"I think I might be able to find something for you girls." He picked her up and sat her back down in his spot. He walked into the only bedroom of his single-wide trailer, returning with a can of computer duster and a bottle of pills I easily recognized as valium: three of each color, totaling nine pills.

"The computer duster is fun, but it won't do you much. The valium should be alright though, if you take it with the right stuff. You know that, don't you, Bella?" Shannon winked at me as he handed me our things; I only glared

"I'll pay you tonight at the party," Jessica said as we left, brushing her hand across his crotch inconspicuously.

"Will you bring some rophies tonight?" I called as Jess started pulling out of the gravel driveway.

"Yeah, Bella, I'll bring you some. You're a lot of fun on rophies." I rolled my eyes, cranking up the window.

"He's right, you know," Jessica laughed. "You act like a moron when you've had rope."

"Haha," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes as we pulled up at Lauren's house; luckily, it was only a few minutes away. She skipped out to the car excitedly. I could tell that her purse was filled, as well.

"Hey babes, have fun last night?" She slid into the back seat, immediately pulling out her bong. She passed it up to me after taking a few hits.

"Bella, Tyler said he had fun last night," she teased, poking me as I took a hit. I laughed with my friends when I almost set my hair on fire.

"You bitch, look what you made me do," I laughed, passing the bong back to her.

"You're so clumsy, Bee." It immediately reminded me of _him_. Only _he_ called me clumsy. It was one of the things _he_ claimed to love about me. Guess it was only a lie…

"Bella! Get out of the car. We're here," Jessica said before she slammed her door outside the Port Angeles mall. I put out my cigarette and ran to catch up with them, tripping twice along the way.

We shopped for hours at Wet Seal, looking for the perfect outfit for the party. We eventually found something for each our own.

I bought, with Jess's credit card, a pair of black skinny pants and a red twist-neck top. Jessica and Lauren bought matching light colored skinny jeans with holes in the thighs. Jessica got a black and gray striped tunic sweater while Lauren got a one-shoulder yellow tunic. We all got matching black pumps.

We stopped at a McDonald's afterward, just before the party, knowing there wouldn't be any food there. I watched as Lauren and Jessica downed a hamburger and fries.

"You really should eat, Bells," Jessica said, pointing a french fry in my face. "You haven't eaten anything in like…three days." Lauren's eyes bulged.

"Iz, eat something!" she demanded as she shoved the remainder of her fries in my face.

I grimaced at her for two reasons: I hated being called Iz, and I wasn't hungry. Against my will, though, I ate the stupid fries.

We left McDonald's by six and headed to Mike's to ride with him and Tyler to the party. We pulled up and jumped into his suburban.

"Hey, Jess, gimme a cigarette; I've only had one today," I said, draping my arm over her shoulder from the back seat expectantly.

She handed me a cigarette and her pink lighter. Mike, screwing with me, slammed on the brakes when I lit the cigarette; I almost set my hair on fire for the second time that day. It was only when I scowled at him that I noticed where we were.

We were driving through the woods on the edge of the river. My heart stopped when Mike took a turn into the woods, pulling up into _their_ driveway.

"Welcome to the party, ladies! Ty, help me get the liquor out of the back," Mike said, turning off the car. Jessica and Lauren looked at me apologetically; they knew how I felt about _him_.

They were about 7 cars in the driveway when we approached the front door. I saw Shannon in the far corner of the family room, snorting crushed pills. I looked around, settling my eyes on Mike as he placed his endless supply of alcohol on _his_ piano. Jessica squeezed my shoulder before taking her own bottle of vodka over to the piano in the corner nearest the door. Lauren was already heading up the winding staircase with Tyler.

"Hey, did you bring the roche?" I asked Shannon as I made myself comfortable in his lap.

"Yeah, Bells, I brought it especially for you. Just remember, you owe me. I'll catch up with you later, babe." He put me down on the white couch and staggered over to Mike, probably to congratulate him on the great party.

I popped one of the rophies and a valium I managed to swipe from Jess's purse. I washed them down with a sprite and walked outside into the brisk January wind. I felt warm tears falling down my cheek as I stumbled across the lawn, finally collapsing on the driveway.

I remembered Edward. I thought over all our memories, feeling my high make its way throughout my nervous system. I began to twitch nervously, remembering my birthday party at this very house.

I stumbled back into the house after a few minutes, still crying. I felt arms wrapping around my waist as I made my way to the piano for some Goldschlager: my favorite vodka.

"Hey, Iz," Shannon said teasingly. "I'm ready for my payment." He smiled at me, attempting to be seductive.

"Fight, fight!" someone began chanting in the kitchen. Shannon turned his attention from me quickly.

"Shit. Go to the bedroom on the third floor. I'll meet you up there in a few," he muttered as he made his way through the crowd of people surrounding the kitchen.

I was faintly reminded of my first time in this house as I climbed the steps. My hand shook as I reached for Edward's doorknob.

The room was more beautiful than I remembered it being. The couch still sat in the center of the room. I wiped the tears away as I admired the window looking out over the river. My hand trembled when I touched the soft gold walls.

I lay on the couch, waiting for Shannon to come get his compensation. I lit a cigarette to calm my nerves. I found a bottle of Crown Royal sitting by the couch, left from earlier. I chugged down the small amount left and lay back, willing unconsciousness to come.

As the blackness enveloped me I felt two cold arms wrap around my waist, pulling me closer.


	11. Do you, do you wanna lose it all?

A/N: Hope I didn't confuse anyone too much

**A/N: Hope I didn't confuse anyone too much. A word to the wise—read the author notes more often. Haha. Sorry this has taken a few days; I know you're all anxiously awaiting the appearance of the Cullen family again. I've really been trying to start writing my book. :) And I'm quite pleased with what I've gotten so far. Oh well, here's a new chapter, in Edward's POV, for you all. :) We're going to guess-timate that the date of the party in January 25, kay? Review. And never forget that Sweeney Todd is always lurking in the shadows….**

Three agonizingly slow weeks, twenty four days to be exact, passed much the same. I watched Bella more carefully, always waiting for the perfect moment to go after her. Waiting for her to make _the_ mistake, the one that could possibly end everything I love. Nothing about her demeanor changed, although I did notice she had become quite…impartial to Mike. That alone comforted me; I would rather see her with one of the wolves than with Mike Newton. I shuddered at the thought.

She finally began to rise. I was sitting conveniently in a tree outside the Stanley house, again assuming my role as stalker-slash-protector. She sat up carefully, willing to not wake Jessica. Little did Bella know the favor she was doing; Jessica had been asleep for the entirety of an hour. She shuffled quietly to the shower; I turned my head momentarily to allow her privacy. I shifted in the branches so that I was completely out of her view when she stared out at the fresh-fallen snow. Her tears forced my head to turn away in shame.

Before long, Jessica accompanied her in the bathroom, and they chatted over their plans for the day. I didn't catch all the plans, as my cell phone began vibrating annoyingly in the back pocket of my dark jeans. I held it up, only to see Alice's face smiling on the tiny screen.

"Yes, Alice, what is it I can do for you today?" I waited for an answer, but the only sound coming from the other end was an over-excited, never-ending squeal. "Alice! What. Do. You. Want?" I asked gravely, my voice trickling with frustration.

"Gosh, you don't have to be so mean about it. I was just going to say…..MEET US AT THE AIRPORT!" The ear-shattering squeal started again. "We're coming home, we're coming home," she chanted. I could imagine her doing her 'victory dance' already.

"I'll see you there," I chuckled. "When does the plane land?"

"Two!"

"So soon?"

"Well…YEAH! You're not the only one that missed her, dumbass."

I heard a thump, followed by, "Watch the mouth."

"Sorry, Esme," Alice said sheepishly. "Oh, and I had a vision. And, unless you want to go inside and tell Bella and Jessica you're back, we can't exactly go home."

My eyebrows knit in confusion. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means Mike Newton and Tyler Crowley are planning to break into our house and throw a party tonight. I thought we'd leave the alarms off, you know, make it easy on the poor kids. And then when we show up a little later…" she trailed off, giggling.

"You're incredible," I sighed. I'll be in Seattle by two, but how is everyone getting home? The Volvo only holds five."

"Oh, I guess I didn't mention this…but…I bought a new car. Me and Jazz are gonna pick it up when we get there."

I was immediately intrigued. "And what have you given Rosalie to tinker with?" I joked.

"Oh, not much, just a canary yellow Porsche 911 Turbo. Nothing special," she replied, faking nonchalance.

"Well, well. At least I've taught you something over the years," I sighed proudly. I'd begged her for years to buy a nice, fast car, to no avail. Always something about needing all her money for her shoes.

"Yes, I know. Anyway, I'll see you at two. Bye!"

I snapped the phone shut and took in my surroundings. I heard the girls chatting with, not to mention lying to, Jessica's parents in the kitchen. Not five minutes had passed before they were up the stairs and into Jessica's room again. Bella stood in wonder as Jessica gathered her party necessities.

_Vodka, check. Weed, check. Ex, check. Uhm…what else. Ooh! Condoms, check._ I drowned out Jessica's thoughts immediately, as they had partially turned to Mike while she continued on her scavenger hunt.

The girls were off to a friend's house, from what I could see in Jessica's mind. Rather than sit through that visit, I went back to the house to be sure nothing could be entirely ruined during the party. Once I had secured our most precious items in the attic, I followed the girls to Lauren's house. I saw in the mind of Lauren Mallory that the three were on their way to Port Angeles, shopping for new clothes to wear to the party.

I also saw that Bella nearly set her hair on fire. Will she never learn? Lauren called her clumsy, and she visibly tensed. She didn't speak for the remainder of the trip, and eventually they gave up trying to talk to her.

_Poor girl. She's never going to get over him_, Lauren thought as she carried on her conversation with Jessica.

_I really wish there was something we could do for her. He completely ruined one of my best friends_, Jessica murmured to herself with remorse.

It was quite insulting to be referred to as 'him' constantly. From what I gathered, no one had spoken my name since I'd been listening. They didn't even use my name when Bella _wasn't_ around. I would settle for Dumbledore as a nickname, but just him? It was a bit depressing.

Jessica finally caught Bella's attention when she parked the white Mercury in one of the many available spaces in the parking lot. They dragged themselves inside, and I decided to hunt while they shopped. Considering I hadn't been since a few days after New Year's, I thought it wise to dedicate the afternoon to the meal. Of course, I would have to be at the airport, so the small trip would be postponed a few hours.

I ran back to the house, making the trip in only ten minutes. Once I'd retrieved the car, I sped off to Seattle, arriving just short of two. As I had expected, the family was already waiting and ready to go.

"It's so nice to see you, Edward," Esme whispered, hugging me tightly.

"You, too," I returned as she loosened her grip. "It's nice to see all of you. Shall we go? There's still a few hours before any of them will be arriving." My eyebrows rose, anticipating an answer.

"Actually," Carlisle began, "Maybe we should hunt. I can tell you haven't been in a while, and Jasper's a little jumpy after the flight."

I looked over at my brother, and sure enough, he was trembling slightly. "That sounds excellent," I confirmed as I turned to exit the terminal.

Alice walked down the road to the nearby car dealership. We were all waiting for the new addition to our family of vehicles in the airport's garage by the Volvo. Only a few minutes later, a bright, small car screeched to a stop in front of us. Rosalie began to rattle off every detail of the automobile, while I only walked around it, evaluating the condition of the superior car.

"Interrogation over yet? Hunting?" Alice asked from the driver's seat, beaming at the delight of her new car.

"Sure. Let's go, everyone."

We hunted within the forests of Forks until six. Alice had a vision of the boys, and we thought it best to go watch out for them. Alice was smirking and skipping lithely all the way home, much to my irritation.

"Alice, why are you thinking about the Miley and Mandy Show on youtube?" I asked, wondering what it was she was hiding.

"Because that one video is just great," she replied with a giggle. I knew she couldn't keep the secret long.

"Fine," I grumbled, my impatience growing until Jasper was glaring daggers. "Sorry," I mouthed to him.

Watching her was one of the hardest parts. I knew I had to do it, but I greatly dreaded it. We were watching, from the surrounding forest, as Jessica's car pulled into the already-full driveway. Bella seemed almost catatonic as she stumbled onto the porch and into the house. I smiled at her lack of grace, despite myself. With so many people in the way, it was hard to watch her carefully. I sent Alice around to the side of the house to see what she could find out. Just before she returned, Bella shuffled out into the cold weather in nothing but a short-sleeved top, jeans, and open-toed shoes. I looked at my father, my face contorted in pain.

_Go to her_, he thought, his eyes stern. I nodded my head, and ran into the house when she fell to the ground, her back to me. I burst through the back door, receiving a few sideways stares. I completely ignored them and began my search for Tyler; I needed to say something to him. I spotted him standing by the stereo system, chatting with someone I, amazingly, didn't recognize.

"Tyler," I greeted, "May I speak to you for a moment?"

He looked absolutely astounded. _What the hell is he doing here? If he does anything to hurt her, I swear…_ "Sure…" the astonishment shifted quickly to confusion.

We walked up to the study for brief privacy. I turned around to face him. "Thank you," I sighed. He almost spoke up, but I stopped him. "Just give me a second. I know I made a huge mistake. And I wanted to thank you for taking care of her. I believe you were the only one with the honest intention of making her forget me. And you had every right to. I am eternally grateful. And if she doesn't take me back, and I hope against hope she will, I should hope you'll continue to take care of her. And for God's sake, keep her away from Mike."

He laughed. "You really don't deserve her, Cullen. She's amazing. And you broke her heart. But I appreciate your…thankfulness, or whatever," he chuckled. "You want me to go get her?"

"No," I replied immediately. "Let me handle that one. Go enjoy the party before my parents get fed up. You know this is my house, don't you?"

His eyes widened. "Dude, I am so sorry. Mike said no one had lived here in years. I had no—," he began, but I cut him off again.

"No harm, no foul. Go." I shot him a friendly smile before leaving the room, in hopes of finding my next chatter buddy.

I walked down the stairs, receiving a longing stare from every female in the room. I rolled my eyes and continued to the kitchen, where I expected him to be.

"Mike," I said, just loud enough to make his heart sputter.

"Cullen?" he asked, his already wide eyes bulging. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Oh, not much. There's just one thing I needed to take care of."

I punched him.

Although I exerted almost no effort on my part, he looked up at me with a bloody, and very broken, nose.

"That's it, Cullen. You've had this coming to you for a long time."

The crowd of immature teenagers began chanting, "Fight, fight!"

I rolled my eyes; teenagers were just too…ignorant. I dodged Mike's first attempt at a punch quite easily, but before he had another chance, one of his friends jumped in between us.

"Mike, what the fuck are you doing? I was about to get laid." Bella's face flitted through his thoughts. He was recalling having to send her upstairs, to my room, to wait for him.

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE, NOW!" an alto voice shouted from the foyer.

An uncountable amount of wide eyes glanced at my mother for a few moments before collecting their thoughts and high-tailing themselves out.

"Go get her, sweetheart," Esme murmured with a pat on my shoulder after the crowd had cleared. "We're going to clean up this mess." She smiled hopefully and pushed me toward the stairs.

"Oh, my God," I sobbed when I caught sight of my fallen angel.

Her soft, fragile body lay pale on my couch, sweat and tears covering her sweet face. She hadn't fallen asleep yet, and I took my opportunity. She curled into me, hiding her face away in my chest. Protesting, I gently lifted her peaceful, now-sleeping face to a position where I could see her and she would still be comfortable.

"I love you so much," I whispered into her silky brown hair. I noticed how hot she felt, and I began to worry.

"Edward, I need to tell you something," Alice whispered from the doorway. I motioned with my head for her to sit with me. "Bella…may be in a little trouble, here. Don't expect her to remember a thing when she wakes up," she warned, rising suspicions in me.

"And why is that, Alice?"

"She took two rohypnol and a 10-milligram valium." My eyes bulged, but sadly, she continued. "And she washed them down with Crown Royal, if you didn't notice the bottle beside you. Surely she wouldn't intentionally drink _that_ much with them," she sighed.

"How much did she drink, Alice?" I whisper yelled. I was quickly growing scared.

"About a third of the bottle. And that's a big bottle."

Before I could gather my thoughts long enough to do so myself, Alice called for Carlisle.

"I'll be right there. These kids really know how to make a mess," he sighed.

He's joined us, with his medical bag, in under two minutes. "What's she had, Alice? You were watching her when she took the pills," Carlisle reminded her, pulling his thermometer from the bag.

"A blue valium and two rohypnol," she repeated, her nervousness showing. _Please don't be mad, Edward. I didn't know what you would've wanted me to do,_ she thought, her eyes wide with remorse.

"It's ok, Alice," I whispered. "It's not your fault."

"One hundred point three," Carlisle informed us, sighing.

My eyes bulged. "Is she going to be ok?"

"She'll be fine. Yesterday may be a bit of a blur, but she'll be up by noon. No worries. Now, get her into the guest room. It's the only one with a bed." Carlisle smiled and stood with Alice, leaving me with Bella to get her ready for bed. Knowing she always wore a tank top under her shirts, I pulled her top off for her. Alice, being the oh-so-helpful sister she is, changed Bella into a pair of navy blue shorts. I washed her face with a cold cloth, removing all sights of sweat or tears. Very carefully, I lifted the angel from my couch and walked down the stairs into the guest room.

"Sleep, my angel. I'll be here when you wake, and I pray that you'll still love me," I whispered into her ear.

Throughout the reminder of the night and the majority of the morning, Bella slept peacefully in my arms. It was noon when her peaceful sleep finally ended.

"Good morning," I whispered.

**A/N: I had to make a reference to the Miley and Mandy show. That video parody was hilarious. But anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I have to study for a geometry quiz now. Gay. Review, or I shall make you do my geometry stuff! Insert evil laugh here.**


	12. You could love me if I knew how to lie

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated guys

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated guys! Saturday and Sunday were the best days of my life, pretty much. Haha. And school has been hectic, like always. And my book is coming along quite well. :) And here it is! Will she forgive him? Will she give up her foolish ways? Hmm…. :) I think you might be surprised. Just remember, there are consequences for such foolish actions, dears.**

Staring was the most I could manage. I was debating the possibilities of dreams versus reality. Merely seeing Edward was evidence for the dreaming side. My thrashing hangover strongly supported the theory that this was, in fact, really happening.

He stared at me, thinking intently, as far as I could tell. Maybe he was angry with me…maybe he was considering a good escape route.

"Where's my headache medicine?" I asked groggily.

He laughed. "Is that really all you have to say?" He paused. "Hmm, I suppose it would. Are you even aware of how many drugs you put in your system last night illegally?

"What the hell is it to you?" I snapped. "I'm gonna ask you again, and then I'm looking myself. Where is my medicine?"

A loud sigh that sounded a bit like a growl escaped the flawless lips I had missed so dearly. "I'll get you some. I'll be right back," he muttered as he jumped lithely out of the bed and walked, very slowly, to the kitchen.

The tears flowed like a rushing river from my eyes. However, stronger emotions overtook me—my addiction. I jumped out of the bed and ran to my purse for a cigarette, hoping to find a bottle of vodka in the process. I began to unzip the bag, only to have a door kicked across the room just behind me.

"And what the hell do you think you're doing?" Alice demanded, snatching my purse. "Oh, God, who am I kidding? I've missed you so much, Bella!" she squealed, not helping my headache. I noticeably winced at the sound.

"Oh, sorry," she said a little lower. Before I could comprehend her actions, she was hugging me tightly around the waist.

I couldn't understand why any of these people were here, much less hugging me. I pushed against her, and in understanding, she unlatched herself.

"Why are you even here?" I demanded, livid. "I don't really understand why you could possibly need to see me. What? Is there another sadistic vampire out for me?" I hissed sarcastically.

Her eyes were impossibly sad. "We're here because we love you, Bella, all of us. Edward's been here watching out for you for months. He really missed you, Bella. We all did," she uttered, regret dripping from every word.

"I find that a little hard to believe," I said through clenched teeth before moving around her and out of what was previously the doorway.

I walked quickly down the hall, managing one foot in front of the other without falling. With each step, the hall seemed to grow longer; however, I eventually reached the stairs, and looked down into the family room. Everyone but Alice, who was standing just behind me, was sitting in a circle; Carlisle stood in the middle.

"Bella, would you please join us? We'd like to talk to you about some things," Carlisle said quietly and calmly, obviously afraid I may not be willing.

I sighed. "What do you want?"

"Please, Bella," Alice pleaded beside me, nudging the small of my back lightly.

I sighed again, but started slowly down the stairs. The sound of my feet on the stairs seemed so loud in a room full of silent vampires. Edward was on my other side once I'd reached the foot of the stairs. He attempted to snake his arm around my waist, but I shoved him off. He wasn't about to get off that easily.

"Don't," I hissed, pushing against him, to no avail.

I sat down on the couch between Esme and Jasper and looked up at Carlisle expectantly. He looked at Edward for a moment, who looked at Alice, who nodded to Carlisle. Their father smiled pleasantly.

"Bella, we'd like to talk to you about a few things. We're very worried about you…you could've died last night, sweetie." He sat across from me on the coffee table and took one of my small, nicotine-stained hands in both of his. "You can't keep doing this sort of thing. You don't know how much you've affected this family. If you weren't with us…" he trailed off and sighed.

"If I was so damn important, why did you leave in the first place? All of you are the reason that I started partying. I can't take all the blame, here."

Carlisle nodded, and seemed to allow that. "Nonetheless, we're here now, and we want to help you, Bella, but you have to help yourself, too. No more smoking, drinking, anything that could possibly harm you. You're putting yourself in serious danger. Now, everyone would like to say something, okay?"

"So this is like an intervention?" I laughed. "I really don't think that's necessary. I can quit."

"Bella, I don't think it's going to be as easy as you think," Alice murmured as she took a seat next to Carlisle.

"Alice, why don't you begin?" Carlisle suggested.

Alice nodded and stood. She looked down at me with sad eyes before she began. "Bella, you are my best friend in the world. And I've missed you so much while we've been gone. If you died…" she trailed off, and she sounded as if she could cry. "Nothing about me would ever be the same. You're slowly killing yourself, Bella, and I can't just sit by and let you do it."

My eyes filled with tears; I hid my face in my hands. All too soon, though, someone else chose to speak.

"Bella." Emmett's booming voice filled my ears. "This really hurt all of us. We care so much about you. I don't know what I would do without my human buddy." He ruffled my hair. "I love you, kid. We all do."

The tears fell freely now, but someone, again, interrupted my pity party.

"You know I don't like you," Rosalie sneered in her musical voice. "But you should also know that it's mostly due to jealousy. Anyway, the point is, you make everyone here happy. And I don't want to have to see any of these people if something happens to you. They'll depress me constantly."

"Uhm…thanks?" I guessed, confused by her intentions.

She laughed. "You're welcome."

I felt a shift of weight in the couch; Jasper scooted closer to me. "Don't feel guilty. We should've never left." He shot a quick glare at Edward. "But I, like everyone else, would be crushed if anything were to happen to you. I know I may not be comfortable around you a lot, but after everything happened in Phoenix, and your birthday, it's easier. And since we already almost lost you twice, it would really scare me to even come close to that again, Bella." He took my hand very gently. "You _are_ worth it," he murmured, repeating his words from so many months before when James had come after me.

"Do you see now, Bella?" Carlisle asked. "It would impact all of us, even Rosalie, if you were to be taken away. You have to stop this," he murmured gently, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "I guess it's my turn now." He paused to sigh. "Isabella, you've become one of my daughters, despite the fact that I've been away from you for so long. Being back here, it's like my family's complete again—like we were always missing something. Those months away…it would be a thousand times worse if you were lost to us. Now, I know you're probably thinking it would be very simple for us to change you, and everything would be ok. But you know that that is a last resort right now. I think if Edward would condone it, that if you can stay clean, that you can earn that. As long as you still want it, that is."

I stared at him with wide eyes. "Do you really mean that, Carlisle? I mean, I don't know. Edward's definitely not forgiven yet." I shot him a glare. "But if I do decide that, you would change me?"

"If you so wish it…and if Edward wouldn't kill me," he said, adding the last part after Edward growled.

"May I?" Esme asked before pulling me into her lap. "You know I've already lost one baby. And I threw myself off a cliff…what do you think would happen if you were taken away from me forever, Bella? I think that, with my intense compassion, I would be hit hardest, next to dear Edward, of course. Everyone here loves you so much, but I really couldn't handle losing another child." Her voice cracked towards the end, and she began to dry sob, hugging me close to her; I cried too.

"I'm so sorry, Esme. I love you so much…I never want to hurt you," I cried, clinging to my second mother tighter. "I'm so sorry everyone. Please forgive me," I sobbed against Esme's shoulder.

"Bella, ssh, calm down; we know you're sorry. It's ok; we just want to take care of you now. I called your father this morning, and I told him that I would be keeping you under close watch here. And he's told everyone that you're going back to your mother's. He told me he'd call Renee, and tell her everything. We're all going to help take care of you now, Bella. Charlie's coming over later to see you and bring some things…with the help of Alice, of course." Carlisle smiled at me reassuringly before starting another mind-conversation with Edward.

"Bella, can I talk to you upstairs?" Edward's beautifully musical voice murmured from his new position behind me.

I tensed up as his hands moved themselves to my shoulders. Nonetheless, I stood, with all eyes watching me, and walked around the couch to join him. He made a futile attempt to hold my hand; I walked ahead of him. He sighed loudly, but continued behind me.

He walked ahead of me once we'd reached the second floor foyer. "May I?" he asked, holding his arms out to carry me the rest of the way to his room.

I snorted. "You'll just have to put up with human speed for a while, mister. Don't think you're going to be so easily forgiven."

I walked on, making sure to shake my hips as I moved closer to his room. I opened his bedroom door, only to find a large, gold bed in the center of the floor. I turned around to find him behind me, smiling at my confused expression.

"Alice," he sighed, answering my unasked question. "She seemed to think you might like it." He paused. "I guess she was wrong for once," he muttered, moving into the room and taking a seat on the bed. He patted the area next to him. "Will you sit with me? Or would you prefer the couch?"

My mere reply was a sigh as I sat down on the bed across from him. He looked down in a way that said, 'what have I done?' and looked up only when I cleared my throat loudly.

"Bella," he sighed, "I have missed you so much. I know you probably don't think I love you, but believe me, you don't know how wrong you are. I'm a good liar Bella; I have to be. I really didn't expect you to believe me so easily, though. How could I not love you? I love everything about you, Isabella Marie Swan. You are my life, err, existence." He reached out to touch my face, but I still wasn't convinced. He continued. "What do I need to do to prove my love? I will try for the rest of eternity to prove to you that you are everything to me, no matter what. I'm not giving up, Bella."

Stupid tears—stupid good-for-nothing tears. I cried, like a baby, of course. I don't know why I cried. Maybe I cried because he still loved me…maybe I cried because I wanted to kiss him. Maybe I cried because I knew now how much I hurt him with the things I did. A loud sob escaped, and he pulled me close to him before I knew I was moving.

"Ssh, Bella, it's ok. I understand if you don't love me anymore. I just need you to know that I'm not giving up on my world." He sighed quickly and opened his mouth to speak again, but I cut him off.

"I love you, Edward," I whimpered, ashamed by how quickly I forgave him. "Are you ever going to leave me again? I mean…why did you anyway? If you still loved me…"

"I didn't want to keep putting you in harm's way…with James, and Jasper." He struggled for coherent words. "I was constantly putting you in danger, but as I've told you before, I am a selfish being. I missed you too much to stay away. Plus, Alice thought you might need a babysitter," he teased, breathing in the scent of my hair. He kissed the top of my head. "God, I missed you. And I'm never going anywhere again. I swear it."

He tilted my chin up and looked down at me with smoldering golden eyes. I inhaled and lost all control of my senses; he smelled even better than I remembered. Memories would never do him justice. I traced patterns of hearts on his granite-like, cold skin. Suddenly, old habits and emotions arose in me, and I found myself removing his shirt, kissing him passionately all the while. I couldn't tell if he was completely content with the turn of events, or if he was simply stunned. However, when it came to his pants, he stopped me.

"Isabella, what do you think you're doing?" he asked with wide eyes.

"Are you really that far behind, Edward?" I teased. "This is generally what happens when people have sex."

His eyes widened further, and a booming laugh echoed throughout the house. "Tell him, Bella!" Emmett cheered. Shortly thereafter, a caught the loud sound of Rosalie smacking the back of his head.

"Bella," Edward scolded. "Be reasonable, here. I could very easily kill you. I'm not like…" he trailed off, inwardly scolding himself for leaking information.

My mouth hung open. "You _were_ there on New Years!" I exclaimed. "I knew it." I beamed proudly, while he gathered the clothes I'd thrown in the floor.

"I'm sorry, Bella…I just…couldn't leave. I had missed you so much," he murmured gently, putting my shirt back on me. "You are so beautiful, Bella." He kissed me again, and put his own shirt over his perfect chest.

"Please," I pleaded. "As you well know, I haven't had sex since then," I whimpered, trying, again, to pull his shirt off.

"No," he said sternly. "But that's just more incentive to get cleaned up, isn't it?" he said, voicing his thoughts. "You know, I really like that idea. We can have sex if you can get sober. How's that sound?"

"You really, really suck. So have I officially been checked into the Cullen rehab center, or what?" I asked sarcastically, crossing my arms over my chest. "And what if I want to be changed? How do I earn that privilege?"

"That's not happening, Bella," he answered with no trace of doubt or persuasion in his voice. "End of story."

"That's not fair, Edward. Besides, I can always ask Carlisle to do it. I don't need you," I smirked, glaring at him.

"Oh, and you think he would obey you over me? I don't know about that one, Bella. Don't get too cocky."

"I think he would."

"I don't think he would."

"I think he would."

"I don't think he would."

"I WOULD!" Carlisle shouted up the stairs, erupting laughter from all the other family members.

"Ha." I grinned proudly, obviously having won the argument.

"Oh, this isn't over yet, Bella."

"Well I don't guess it's too important since the only thing I want right now is a cigarette, now is it?"

"Too damn bad, Bella. I'm not letting you get near anything like that anymore. Welcome to the Cullen rehabilitation center." The last sentence was whispered teasingly in my ear, before he nibbled on the lobe gently.

I shivered. "I hate you, Edward Cullen," I laughed shakily.

A few more minutes passed with casual conversation about my 'treatment'; however, I heard the ear-splitting squeal before the tiny monster burst through the bedroom door. She looked at Edward for a moment, obviously communicating something in her mind.

"Go ahead," he sighed. "Have her back by six. Don't let her out of your sight." He kissed the top of my head. "Sorry, love. Have fun."

She was carrying me out the door to the Volvo before I could grimace at him. She sat me in the passenger seat, ran back in for the keys, and was turning on the car in under a minute.

"Yay! Shopping!" Alice squealed, clapping her hands while her elbows steered the car. "I missed this stuff so much."

Expectantly, we arrived in Port Angeles in twenty minutes. How? I'll never know. Alice dragged me through every boutique the town had to offer, leaving each one with another hundred dollars spent. Much to my relief, my stomach growled after about an hour. She sighed sadly, but led me to a fast food restaurant, nonetheless.

It was while I was devouring a hamburger that I decided to tell Alice something I'd needed to say for nearly a week.

"Alice?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Have you…had any visions lately…involving me?"

"None that you don't know about already…why?" She eyed me speculatively.

"I'm late."

**A/N: And she's not late for school, people. Is six pages enough to make up for the fact that I haven't updated in forever? Sorry. Anyway, I'll probably start a new chapter pretty much immediately. As long as Hannah doesn't recommend more mid-chapter tests in geometry. OMG I'M MAKING A 97 IN GEOMETRY, PEOPLE! Cheers for me! Anyway, review for meh! Oh, one more thing…should I make her prego with Tyler's babeh or should she start soon? Hmm…tough decision. :)**


	13. I'll be your best kept secret

A/N: Only 29 days left until I'm out of school

**A/N: I'm going to delete all the AN chapters unless someone objects. They just get in the way. Only 29 days left until I'm out of school. Including weekends. Then I'll be updating constantly. Haha. Yearbooks Friday, so no homework this weekendlots of free time. But I'm going to the tanning bed more often now30 less minutes a day to get things done. But you don't really care. So…on with the chappy!**

"No, you…you can't be. I would've seen it…" Alice trailed off, denying to herself that she may have missed something. "It can't be." She started bouncing nervously in the metal chair. "Ugh. Fuck shopping; we're going to Target for some pregnancy tests."

I laughed as my best friend stormed out of the fast food restaurant and had the Volvo purring before I'd thrown my trash away. "You mean to tell me that _Alice Cullen_ is passing up the opportunity to shop?" I teased with wide eyes. "I'm quite disappointed. I've become quite the avid shopper in your absence," I bragged, tilting my chin up in the air—a sign of superiority.

"Don't care," she muttered. "You could be having a child. The spawn of _Mike Newton _or _Tyler Crowley_, and you're worried about getting our _shopping_ done. I swear, Bella, someone slapped you with the stupid stick really hard when we left."

I trilled a nervous laugh at the comment; I was joking to try and hide my fear of having a child. Renee and Charlie would be beyond disappointed, Edward would never have me, and the father wouldn't be very happy. Of course, Tyler was much more likely to be a man about it. However, I did want to do something with my life, and having a baby wouldn't make that very simple. Even with a vampire family to help me, I would still feel obligated to care for my child, all the while trying to get a college education.

"I'll be right back. I don't need you slowing me down on this," Alice sighed as she shifted the Volvo into park.

"Thanks, Alice. I love you, too," I muttered under my breath once she was inside the store.

My left knee shook nervously as I awaited her return. I looked on at the passerby shoppers: older couples buying some essential groceries like bread and milk, young girls with their mothers acting twice their age in an attempt to be 'cool,' newlywed couples buying things for their first homes.

I was quickly distracted, though, by Edward's CD collection he kept in the car. I pulled a disc from the sun visor and pushed it into the player, letting the soothing sound of Rhapsody In Blue by George Gershwin fill the tiny car with its beautiful melody. Not far into the piece, though, Alice was hopping back into the car and screeching out of the parking lot at very illegal speeds.

"You speak to no one when we get home. I will carry you up to my bathroom, whilst guarding my mind from Edward, and you take the tests, got it?"

I picked up on the plural. "How many did you buy, Alice?"

She hesitated. "Have you ever seen _Knocked Up_?"

I groaned; it would be a long afternoon.

"Don't worry, Bella," she insisted. "No matter the outcome, we're all here for you, okay?" She smiled over at me warmly.

"I know, but a part of me doesn't want you to be. I should take responsibility for what I did, not you guys," I admitted, leaning my head against the cool glass of the window.

"You know how stubborn we are, Bella," she replied with grave seriousness. "We're going to do for you what we believe is best."

My only reply was a sigh as we turned off into the trees, emerging in front of the future rehab clinic/house.

"Remember, I'm running you upstairs. You say nothing, and do nothing but pee on the sticks, okay? I'll bring you a bunch of drinks up, and we'll stay in my room for the entire day until we know, alright? Because as sad as it is, I can't see anything."

"Why do you think that is?" I asked, unbuckling my seatbelt.

She shrugged. "Well, if you haven't decided to keep the baby that might explain it. Then again, I might just not see it because we don't know yet. Or maybe you're just not pregnant."

"I like option three," I sighed as I jumped into her arms, hiding my face in her shoulder while she ran up the stairs.

"Bella!" I heard Edward call once Alice had set me down. "Alice, what is going on? Why are you teaching yourself about Louis the fourteenth in your head?" he demanded, pounding on the bedroom door.

"Go away," she groaned, beating on the other side of the door, and accidentally putting a hole through it.

"Nice," Edward and I sighed in unison. "Esme's going to be pissed."

"I'll worry about that later. Bella, go. Edward, run back downstairs. Tell Esme I'll replace it, and go hunting with the guys for a while, ok? We're busy here," Alice commanded, shoving me into the bathroom and placing a cloth over the head-sized hole in her bedroom door.

"Well that's a pretty hole." Alice groaned, and I heard the squeaking of the mattress as she flung herself onto it.

I ripped open the first test, and began what was sure to be a very boring, agonizing, fateful afternoon.

"Oh, Jazzy," Alice sang from the bedroom. "Would you mind going to buy a new door for us?" His reply was in a hushed whisper as I laid one test on the sink and opened another. "Well, you know what we _can't_ do tonight if you don't," Alice murmured back to him in a seductive manner. I was sure she was only speaking so loudly for my amusement.

Jasper groaned. "Why can't Esme do it?"

I tuned them out, and set another alarm on the thousand unused cell phones Alice had thrown into the bathroom with me. I had somehow managed to take four tests on nothing but a large diet coke. When I was sure that Jasper was gone, I text Alice.

_Drink. Now._

Her phone played a popular rock song, and I heard the door close as she danced to the kitchen. The door opened again only moments later.

"How are we in here?" she asked, placing four bottles of water, two cokes, and a gallon of chocolate milk on the sink.

"I've taken four. And one of the alarms just went off, but I was too scared to look," I admitted, turning the lid on one of the bottles of water.

"Sorry, I would've been in to check it sooner, but Jasper had to whine about not getting to go hunting with the guys. But they're all out of the house now, so Esme and Rosalie are going to come up in a minute. And we'll look at the tests."

She turned and opened the door, but I grabbed her arm. "What does it say, Alice?" I asked nervously.

She patted my arm lovingly. "Calm down, you're going to do some serious damage to that heart." She smiled, and left me there, wondering.

"Only sixteen more," I muttered, trying to convince myself that I wouldn't want to kill Alice by the time I was done.

After two more tests, Alice retrieved the five she hadn't seen, and went back out to sit on her bed with Esme and Rosalie. I took six more, and she came back again. I could hear their hushed whispers as I chugged more water and coke.

"Alice," I whined after test thirteen, "can I have a break yet?"

My only reply came in the form of a can of soda being shoved through a crack in the door and set by the cabinet that housed Alice's make-up.

I complied, sighing, and finished the remaining seven tests. Alice collected them, and I was finally allowed to exit the washroom.

"Well," I sighed, plopping down on the bed between Esme and Rosalie, "how's it look?"

Alice beamed. "It looks like eighteen negatives and two positives. I'm assuming the two positives are false."

I was livid. "And why did I take _twenty pregnancy tests_ if it was obvious by ten that I'm_ not_ pregnant, Alice?"

She smiled sheepishly. "Well, uhm, we couldn't waste them?" She batted her eyelashes, and jumped up to hug me. "Yay!" she squealed, jumping away from me and bounding for the door, which I noticed had no hole. "The boys are home!"

"When did the door get replaced?" I asked, walking down the stairs to meet the men.

"Jazz brought it by about an hour after you started taking tests," Alice answered, bouncing into the arms of her husband when he walked inside.

It was only then that I happened to notice that it was dark outside already. The moon was shining brightly, beaming into the dining room from the windows at the back of the house. I sneaked a look at the clock, letting my mouth fall open—10 p.m.

"Hello, Bella," Edward murmured, hugging me from behind. "I missed you. How was your day?"

I looked over to Alice, and received a confirming look. "Busy…taking pregnancy tests," I admitted, my eyes glancing at only the hardwood beneath my feet.

"What?!" Edward exclaimed, perfectly in unison with his brothers and father. "Bella, how could you be so irresponsible? I mean, drinking and doing drugs is somewhat normal in people around your age, but _not_ using a condom?!" I recognized his expression as he picked Alice's mind for the result.

"You think I don't understand that, Edward?!" I screamed with all my force, tears staining my cheeks. "I know how important that is! You want the truth, though? Mike didn't really seem to care what I was thinking that night, ok? I was _passed out_ on his couch, and Jessica showed me the video on his cell phone that she deleted as soon as he fell asleep."

"Bella, I…" He trailed off, willing articulation to slam into him. "I'm sorry…I didn't know."

"Forget it," I murmured before turning to run up the stairs, locking myself in his room and lying on the bed.

I knew he wouldn't bother with sending the door into the opposite wall; two doors had already been replaced within twenty-four hours. His approach was silent; the knock on the door caused me to jump.

"Bella, please, talk to me. Don't hide that beautiful face from me—I've been living without it for far too long. And you know we really need to talk, Bella. Please, just open the door. I don't want to go get another one."

I knew it was futile effort to try and keep him out, but a stubborn part of me kept me on the bed. After a few minutes of internal debate, I unlocked the door, and was in his arms in a second.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have overreacted like that." He paused, inhaling the strawberry scent of my shampoo. "I'm going to kill him," he murmured gently, all traces of emotion wiped from his voice.

"No, you're not, Edward. He's not worth it. Can I just go to bed now? As you could probably guess, I'm pretty tired."

He smiled down at me, picking me up into his arms. "Yes, love, I think that would be for the best." He laid me down and crawled in beside me. "I love you, Isabella," he whispered in my ear before kissing it.

I fell asleep before I could mutter my reply.

**A/N: So I changed it up a little with the Mike thing. Whatev. Hope you liked it. Hope you review, or bad things will happen. Now, just for Sara:**

_**Thanks to Sara Michele Cullen, my savior, who warned me about vicious readers; I sit here at my computer, now, because of you. I am eternally in your debt. :D**_

**Review!**


	14. Maybe I'm a desperate believer

A/N: God, I am so sorry, guys

**A/N: God, I am so sorry, guys! I know it's been forever, but please don't hate me! We all know how stressful the end of the year can be. :) Hope you like it, and please, please, please review!**

"Could you at least light one and put it in the incense burner?" I pleaded.

I was slowing digressing from the extremely irritable stage of withdrawal. Without warning, I randomly snapped at anyone who offended me. I had even gone off on Esme a time or two. I was certainly thankful for an ending to that misery.

Edward looked up from his book, careful not to upset me. "Bella, no. You're doing so well in such a short time span. I'm not going to light a cigarette just so you can suffer and watch it burn," he argued before looking back down at Jane Austen's _Mansfield Park_.

I looked over at my perfect boyfriend of sorts. Of course boyfriend would never be a fit description, but it was harder now since I was so reluctant to admit my lack of argument when he reappeared in my life.

"Edward, I haven't had a cigarette, or anything for that matter, in seventeen days. Please, anything," I whined. "You know…" I stroked the collar of his shirt, making my way inconspicuously to the buttons. "There are other things I could do to stop that pesky addiction."

"No, Bella. Besides, Charlie's visiting today. You know today's Monday. He should be here any time now. He just got off work."

"Actually, the days start to blend together when you haven't left one place in sixteen days. I really should've appreciated pregnancy test shopping a little more," I groaned, remembering my last venture out of the comfort of the Cullen home.

It was difficult to be bored within the walls of the home, though. Everyone was always busy doing something. Esme was in the garden or the kitchen at all times, and I often volunteered to help her. Alice always had her makeovers to keep us, along with a not-so-resentful Rosalie, busy. And with Edward's short temper, combined with Emmett's sense of humor, there was always a fight brewing. It was fun to watch; Esme would scream at them to take it outside, and she would yell at Jasper to calm them down. However, when it came to his brothers, Jasper never thought to interrupt it. I had even dedicated time to learning useful wisdom from Carlisle during our countless sessions.

"Bella," Edward whispered in my ear, breaking me from my thoughts, "Charlie's here. You should probably head downstairs. Carlisle's waiting for you."

"Fine, fine; I'm going. There's no need to be pushy," I teased, jumping up from the new bed taking up space in Edward's room.

The bed had become quite convenient, as I'd recently taken up part-time residence in Edward's room. We would usually sit on the bed, just reading or watching a movie on the big-screen television he'd invested in for my sake. Other times Edward would work on his music, and other times we would end up partaking in…more interesting activities. Sadly, though, nothing was ever very interesting with Edward.

I could hear Charlie talking to Carlisle before I reached the stairs. Charlie was, as always, concerned about me.

"Has she been ok this week?" Charlie asked, his desperation for sleep apparent in even his voice.

I felt horrible for having left Charlie on his own; I hated to think about our house's condition while I did nothing to help my father. Alice had helped, of course, but I felt like such an irresponsible, unreliable daughter.

"She's been wonderful, actually. Her aggression has definitely been on a downward spiral," Carlisle reported happily.

"Hey guys," I greeted, walking down the stairs from my eavesdropping spot. "Hey, dad, I missed you. How've you been?"

"Missing you like always, Bells," he returned, hugging me. "Everyone in La Push has been asking about you. Jacob has been especially concerned. He was practically bouncing off the couch with nerves when he and Billy came up to watch the game last night."

"I thought everyone thought I was with mom…" I trailed off, my eyebrows raised in confusion.

"That was just to keep Mrs. Stanley quiet and out of the way," Carlisle interrupted. "Sorry, Charlie," he apologized, noticing he'd disrupted our father-daughter time.

"It's alright, Dr. Cullen. I couldn't keep it from Billy and Harry, Bells, you know that," Charlie teased, ruffling my hair. "And when two of the elders know, everyone knows."

"That's very true," I agreed with a sigh. "Well, what are we talking about tonight?" I asked, turning my attention back to Carlisle.

"Actually, I don't have much to say this week except that I'm extremely proud of your progress, and I think that isolation won't be completely necessary any further. However," he began, taking on a fatherly tone, "this is only a test drive, Bella. Someone must be with you every time you leave this house, and I still want you spending the nights here, as long as that's alright with you, Charlie," he added.

"Anything to help my baby," Charlie agreed. "Would you like to come over for dinner tonight, Bella? Some of the guys are coming up, and I'm sure it would help Jake a lot to see you're still alive," he joked.

I deliberated for a moment. The freedom was much appreciated, and I really had missed Charlie. I wanted to see the condition of the house, but half of La Push crammed into our home didn't sound too appealing.

"Excuse me for a moment," Carlisle muttered, heading straight for his office, probably to call the hospital.

"You know, Charlie, I'd love to. You want me to make something special tonight?" I asked, practically jumping at the opportunity to make my dad dinner for the first time in months.

"Well, I think Emily and Sue are going to make hamburgers and hot dogs on the grill. I'm sure they'd love your help, though," he responded, desperately trying not to hurt my feelings.

"That sounds great, dad. Isn't Sue Leah's mom?" I asked, wondering how I'd remember everyone by the time they started to arrive, which wasn't long at all.

"Yeah, Bella," Charlie laughed, sensing my uneasiness. "I'll help you remember everyone perfectly on the way home, don't worry," he promised, patting my hand lovingly.

"What time can we expect you back, Bella?" Carlisle asked, reentering the room. "I think midnight is an appropriate curfew."

"Sounds great, Dr. Cullen. I'll have her back, no worries. We'll see you later," Charlie said as his departing words, walking past Carlisle and out the door.

I started to walk past him behind Charlie, but Carlisle's cold hand on my shoulder stopped me. "Be careful tonight, Bella. There are more dangers out there than you are aware of," Carlisle warned, no emotion in his golden eyes.

"Yeah, uhm, I'll be careful," I stammered, pulling my jacket over my arms and stomping through the thin layer of February snow.

Charlie was ready and waiting in the cruiser. I sat in the passenger seat, reveling in the warmth blowing in my face. I slid my jacket off my shoulders, placing it, instead, in my lap.

I had almost forgotten the beauty of small town life. The streets were teeming with my former classmates (I was home-schooled by Esme as of recently). Behind the tinted windows of the cruiser, it was easier to watch as Lauren and Jessica linked arms and walked into a restaurant, looking as happy as ever. As is always true, I enjoyed the scenery too much for the trip to take long; we pulled into the driveway in under twenty minutes, four beat-up cars following closely behind.

I recognized only Jacob and Leah in the group of Quileutes hurriedly making their way into the small house. Not keeping to his promise, Charlie left me alone to be introduced to the party…again. Of course Billy was easily recognizable, and all his friends seemed willing to remind me just one more time of their identities.

"Embry Call," Jacob's friend reminded me with a stiff handshake. "Listen…Jacob and Sam wanted to talk to you outside," he continued, his voice no louder than a whisper.

I nodded, and started to make my way through the crowd of over-sized people surrounding me. I finally made my way to the kitchen, finding no way to the door through the front. I smiled appreciatively at Sue and Emily as they prepared food on the ancient stove, having had to relocate due to the falling rain that was supposed to turn to snow.

The temperature had dropped drastically since our arrival. I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my jeans, covering all possible exposed flesh. I walked through the snow and around to the front of the house. As I took the corner, though, I found myself slammed into a very large, warm chest. I looked up, Jacob's childlike eyes glistening down at me.

"Sorry," I muttered, passing him to join Sam on the porch.

Sam stood, and Jacob walked over to stand by him, almost as if Sam were his commanding officer. I felt uncomfortable under Sam's tight gaze. An awkward silence ensued, and I finally resorted to passing them and sitting on the porch, my knees pulled up to my chest.

"Isabella," Sam addressed coldly, standing directly in front of me. "There are some things we need to discuss here."

I looked over at Jacob, noticing the childlike beauty had been replaced with a grave expression I previously believed only Sam could achieve. "Bella," he murmured, sensing my fear, "there's just a few things we're concerned about."

"Such as?" I questioned, looking up at them through my eyelashes.

"Your new family," Sam responded coldly. "You need to know that you're not safe. We know the story, and we'd like to invite you to stay in La Push with us. Billy's discussing it with Charlie, and we want to offer you an alternative."

"I realize you think my family is trouble, but I know more than you do, by far. Don't just assume I need you to protect me. Besides, what could a bunch of over-sized Indians do to _vampires_?" I asked under my breath.

"More than you realize, Bella," Jacob replied angrily. He began shaking, and Sam was clutching his arm nervously.

Sam whispered something to him, but it was too late. For what, I wasn't sure. However, I suddenly found myself over Sam's shoulder, being carried away from what I believed had formerly been Jacob. In his place was a large, very large, wolf that turned to run into the woods once it knew I'd seen it. Sam continued around the house, stopping only once we'd reached the very back of the house.

"What the hell was that?" I shouted, scared. I inhaled to scream again when he didn't reply, but Sam clamped a warm hand over my mouth.

"Shut up, Bella," he commanded, his voice almost becoming a low growl. "You saw nothing, do you understand?" he asked, only slightly calmer.

"Sam, you should know me better than that just by knowing my father. What was that?" I asked again.

He sighed in defeat. "That was Jacob," he answered simply. "Bella, we're werewolves. You remember him telling you the legends, correct?"

I nodded.

"Well then you know the story. You keep this to yourself, and everything will run smoothly. I need to go to my car to find Jake some new clothes since those are now ruined. Could you please ask Emily for my car keys?"

I nodded again, dumbfounded, and walked back to the house in a daze. Werewolf? I rolled my eyes, surprised by my lack of reaction. I suppose mythical creatures were becoming routine in my life.

Emily was pulling the last of the hamburgers off the stove when I came in. She smiled at me, acknowledging my presence, but my paled face held hers.

"What's wrong?" she asked, rushing to my side. "Is Sam okay?" I nodded to her, the scars on her beautiful face only now making complete sense.

"He…needs his car keys. Jake had a, uhh, little accident," I whispered urgently, willing her to skip the explanation.

"I see," she responded automatically in shock. "I'll be right back with the keys."

She returned a few moments later, having had to explain the situation to a few of the other people I also suspected to be werewolves. I walked back outside to find Jake sitting, naked I might add, in the back of Sam's car waiting for the keys. Sam met me just outside the door. He uttered his thanks and fetched Jake some clothes.

I avoided them for the rest of the night, choosing to spend as much time with Charlie as possible before midnight. However, the dreaded time arrived, and I was returned to my prison cell.

I was greeted warmly by most of the family upon my arrival. Rosalie, of course, was not capable of a warm greeting where I was concerned.

And as for Edward, he was in his room, I soon discovered, and he was livid.

**A/N: God, guys, I am so sorry. You probably all hate me now. :( Please don't, though. A lot of stuff has been going on, and I haven't found much free time. I love you all, though, and I can't wait until May 23 so I can update almost every day. Review, loves!**


	15. Enter string of profanities here

A/N: So I'm very angry that only one review is permitted per chapter

**A/N: So I'm very angry that only one review is permitted per chapter. I wish I hadn't deleted those stupid author notes now. So…ignore the next like…five chapters or something. Nineteen will be the next actual chapter. All the little fillers will be random stories about my life you care nothing about. Haha. Enjoy.**


	16. A normal day at school

So today in history, Jason brought some of Hannah's movies he'd borrowed back to her, and I spazzed when I saw Pride and Prejudice

**So today in history, Jason brought some of Hannah's movies he'd borrowed back to her, and I spazzed when I saw Pride and Prejudice. (I mean, seriously, who **_**doesn't**_** love Jane Austen?) **

**And I'm like, "I should ask Mr. SexymansexHoover if we can watch it." (Mr. SexymansexHoover is the nickname I used to tell Sara about him. :D)**

**And Hannah said, "Well go for it."**

**So the bell rings, and Hoover's always five minutes late to class, so I studied for our test until I finally showed up. I looked back at Hannah once when he came in before I was all like, "Mr. Hoover I think I have a super wonderful idea.**

"**Oh, yeah?"**

"**Yeah, I pretty much think we should watch Pride and Prejudice after the test today."**

"**We'll see."**

**So my jaw drops, cause I didn't think he would even consider it. I thought the most I'd get from the sexymansex was a lecture on the French revolution. So he leaves again, cause he does that a lot too, and me and Hannah start laughing and high-fiving. And everyone accused me of flirting with him. And I denied it. But maybe I was just a little bit. ;) **

**So we took the test, and I started on the third study guide for the next chapter. I got three letters of my name on the paper before sexymansex called me up to his desk.**

"**If you can find a TV with a DVD player that works we'll watch it."**

"**Really?" I squealed, jumping up and down like Alice fucking Cullen.**

"**Yep."**

"**Ok, can I go now?"**

"**Yeah, go ahead."**

**So I skipped and squealed out of the room and walked to the library. And absolutely no one was in there but the librarian and Ms. Cleek. So I go up to Mrs. Hodges.**

"**Mr. Hoover is in desperate need of a working DVD player."**

"**Well let me see what we've got back here."**

**And we went to the AV room. The only TV had a screen that was probably, oh, about 12-14 inches. Great. But I took it back.**

"**Oh, we'll just all huddle around here and watch it, that's ok," Mr. Hoover laughed sarcastically as I took my seat, laughing so hard I was crying.**

**We didn't use that TV. Danielle went to the band room to get a good TV…one with three DVD players.**

**And we watched Pride and Prejudice. As the opening credits were playing, Mr. Cornett, sexymansex's bff, came in.**

"**Oh, what are you guys watching?"**

**Mr. Hoover looked up at him from a chair in the corner of the room. "Diehard."**


	17. What goes around comes around

There is not one person who doesn't know a whore or manwhore

**There is not one person who doesn't know a whore or manwhore. I happen to know plenty of each. However, one manwhore in particular has an interesting little tale.**

**We're going to call my friend, who initiated the tale, Bee. And the victim shall be referred to as Smithers. I dunno, his last name is Smith. It makes sense.**

**So the two of them have had a very rocky…acquaintance. Smithers likes to sleep with little girls, as young as twelve, when he is 18. Bee is 15. They had a friends-with-benefits type relationship back in the fall, and as always, he began to ignore her.**

**But, unlike always, Bee decided to take revenge. See, Bee is a very easily angered person, and he has apparently done something quite recently that she wasn't very happy about.**

**And now pictures of his genitalia are circulating myspace. :)**


	18. Random facts

This is the last of the stupid random chapters

**This is the last of the stupid random chapters. And I don't know yet what it will be about. Hmm…let me find some really good story deep inside my mind.**

**Alright. I'm going to list some random facts about Twilight some people might not know. (Provided in large part by the magnificent lexicon.)**

**The pain a werewolf experiences during transformation is emotional, not physical.**

**Emmett comes from Gatlinburg, Tn, merely two hours away from me.**

**Edward likes emo music. :D**

**Tanya, Kate, and Irina are sluts, essentially.**

**Eleazar has some super great power like Edward and Alice.**

**So does Kate.**

**Jasper had a little sister.**

**Renee's maiden name is Higgenbotham.**

**Angela has younger twin brothers.**

**The Cullens are hardcore criminals. And most of the third floor of the house is dedicated to their illegal activities.**

**James is supposed to be ugly, but look at Cam. Oh GOD. Gorgeous.**

**Stregoni Benefici is Carlisle. :D**

**Billy can't walk because of diabetes.**

"**Illicit" things are kept in the human-proof basement.**

**Edward ripped up a Plasma TV when Bella did the whole 'voting for mortality' thing. **

**Emmett was very angry with him for it.**

**Rosalie was previously named Carol.**

**I think that's enough. New chapter up, hopefully, by tomorrow!**


	19. You can't start a fire without a spark

A/N: Finally

**A/N: Finally! A real chapter! Now everyone can review for meh. :D I love you all. Anyway, I have 15 school days left. Yay! Everyone loves summer. I'm really sorry about all this guys, but maybe we can finally get back on track! I quoted The O.C., and if anyone can point out where, I'll…do something…I dunno. Shrugs**

I had never actually fought with Edward; I could tell that one of those infamous firsts was unavoidable. He strolled casually across the room to close the space between us, his eyes sweltering anger.

"Hey," I whimpered pathetically. "Uhm…what did you do tonight?"

He glared at me with black eyes. "I paced the entire area of the house, I punched holes in the wall in the basement, I searched every mind in Forks to know what you were doing, I _tried_ to call every tribal elder in La Push; sadly, they were all in your house! Do you have ANY conceivable idea how dangerous that was, Bella?! That fucking mongrel could have KILLED you!"

I had never heard Edward use such language. The worst I'd ever heard pass his lips was 'damn.' Still, I couldn't understand how I was to blame. Did I choose to go home, knowing a werewolf would just pop up in front of me? No. I went home to spend time with my father. In realizing this, I was just as angry as Edward.

"What do you want me to do about it, Edward?! I didn't know Charlie was inviting werewolves into our house, and I'm sure he was unaware of that, too! Besides, you shouldn't be angry with anyone here. Sam, on of them himself, SAVED me from Jacob! There's nothing you can do to fucking change it, so just get over yourself! I have every fucking right to go to La Push right now if I want. I mean, how am I supposed to believe you'll be here in the morning?" He winced at my words, but I was too angry to care; I was on the verge of a rage blackout. "At least I know they'll still be here when I wake up. Hell, this time you might just skip town without even saying goodbye." I was in his face now, crying. "You're just as unreliable as an angry werewolf."

Due to the aforementioned blackout, I hadn't noticed that Edward's eyes had faded back to a smoldering gold. They also looked glassy, as if tears were ready to pool over. He sighed heavily, and the crying began. I felt only a small twinge of guilt, but I still wanted to comfort him. However, he wasn't having it; he ran from the room faster than I'd ever seen him move, and I was alone.

I was sure that that would be the last time I ever saw Edward Cullen. Maybe they would take me home while I was sleeping, and then they would leave again. It was a highly likely possibility. Then I could go back to my old life with people who cared enough to stick around when I needed them. I could crawl back into Tyler's arms with a cigarette, and everything would be good again. I didn't need them. I could go shopping in Port Angeles again with Lauren and Jess. I didn't need them. I didn't need Jasper to control my emotions, I didn't need Alice to tell me what I would be wearing that day, I didn't need Carlisle to tell me how well I was doing in withdrawal, I didn't need Esme's love, I didn't even need Edward's love.

I fell asleep with that thought, ready to wake up to my old life.

"Bella?" a soft female voice asked, waking me from my dream about Flounder and Nemo getting into a fight in Compton. "Bella, honey, wake up."

"Five minutes, Renee," I muttered, sure that I was at Charlie's and he'd sent Renee to take me back.

The beautiful voice laughed. "Bella, it's Esme, wake up, honey." She shook me gently, and at the mention of her name, my eyes popped open.

"Wh-where's Edward?" I stuttered, taken aback by her presence. "I thought you'd all leave again."

Her eyes became undeniably sad. "Of course not, Bella. Edward was just a little upset. He went hunting last night. He should be back anytime. Honey, why did you think we would leave?" She sat down beside me on the bed. "We couldn't bear to be without you again."

"Everyone seemed okay with it the first time," I muttered in protest.

"Isabella," Esme said sternly, locking her gaze with mine. "Do not talk like that. Everyone in this family was completely thrown without you. None of us were the same. We came back here because we love you and we were tired of our family being incomplete. With that said, you're going to cut the crap, okay?" She took my face gently in her hands, as if to get the message across clearer. "We're here. We're not going anywhere, not unless you want us to. Got it?"

"Y-yes, ma'am."

"Good, now I made you waffles. They're chocolate chip!" she squealed slightly, almost like Alice, as she stood and motioned for me to join.

I laughed softly at her sudden mood swing. We walked down to the kitchen in silence, the sweet odor of chocolate flooding my nose. Esme went to the family room to join Carlisle as I sat at the marble counter, playing with my food more than eating it.

I worried about Edward. As I picked apart the waffles, I began to wonder just how badly I'd hurt his feelings. Once I'd torn my breakfast into crumb-sized pieces, I decided to try and eat it. I popped some into my mouth, and drank a swig of milk.

"He's fine, Bella. You need to stop blaming yourself, it's beginning to take a toll on me," Jasper said casually, startling me with his presence behind me. "Sorry," he said sheepishly, "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's fine Jasper," I said sadly. "Are you sure he's okay, though?"

"Yes, Bella, he's okay. You did hurt his feeling last night, but, hey, he really deserved it." He ruffled my hair and sat down beside me. "He'll come around. According to Alice, he'll come around really soon, too."

"Thanks, Jasper. You're pretty good. You don't even have to use your gift to make me feel better." I smiled, also bringing one to Jasper's lips.

"Anytime, Bella."

He stood swiftly, and left me alone with my breakfast. With his reassurance, I felt a bit better about the previous night's argument. Even after I'd complimented him, Jasper still insisted on filling me with a happy feeling that was incredibly hard to ignore. I giggled involuntarily.

"Stop it, Jazzy. She's getting loopy," Alice commanded from her sudden position by my side. She turned to me. "Get dressed, missy. We're going shopping and I have some things to talk to you about."

"Alright, I'm going. Just let me get a shower in, and I'll be right back."

I marched hesitantly up the stairs, stopping by the guest room to grab some clothes, and then went straight to the bathroom for a refreshing shower.

I met Alice in the Mercedes half an hour later. No words were exchanged between us as she sped out of Forks at a speed that, after all this time, still had me clinging to the seat nervously.

"Edward is very upset," she hissed. "You really hurt him, Bella, and all he was doing was worrying about you."

"Oh, my God, Alice. I cannot believe you're blaming this on me. He exploded, blaming me for everything that happened, when I had absolutely no control over it. How was I supposed to know that all my friends from La Push are werewolves? Don't just sigh and shake your head, Alice. It's not rhetorical. How was I supposed to know, huh?"

"I'll give you that much, but did you really have to hit below the belt with that shit about leaving? Come on, Bella."

Her anger toward me had faded considerably, and her eyes were pleading compromise.

"I know. But I can't really do anything about it until he comes back. By the way, when does he plan on returning?"

She grinned cheekily. "Well, you see, we're sorta meeting him somewhere. Esme got pretty mad over the basement. He thought it best to meet somewhere outside the house…just in case."

"What?!" I exclaimed in anger. "I'm finally free, and you're not taking me shopping? Alice, I actually like stuff like that now!"

"Sorry. I'm taking you to the meadow, and I'm off to Port Angeles. I'll get you some stuff, if that makes you feel any better."

"Thanks," I muttered sarcastically as she pulled off to the side of the road—the entrance into the woods that would take me to the meadow.

"Come on," she sighed. Before I could blink she was opening the passenger door for me. "Up you go." She opened her arms, and I jumped into them hesitantly.

I closed my eyes, resting my head on her shoulder, and settled in for the extremely short trip. Moments later I could feel myself being passed off, obviously to Edward. I opened my eyes, and exhaled in relief when I saw his breath-taking smile.

"Good afternoon, fireball," he said, grinning. "That was quite a little show you put on last night."

We sat down in the grass, and I lay, feeling exhausted from a very heavy sleep. A few silent moments passed, and I was sure both of us were too nervous to interrupt the sound of the wind passing through the bare, moss-covered trees. He eventually joined me on the ground, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, forming a pillow of his granite-like arm. We stared at the clouds, neither of us moving or daring disturb the new-found peace between us.

"I'm truly sorry about my behavior," he murmured, finally breaking the record. "It's unforgivable. I realize none of it was your fault, I was just angry. I…I shouldn't have exploded on you because of it."

"I accept your apology; however, I owe you one as well," I murmured just as gently as he had, propping myself up on my elbows. "I shouldn't have mentioned something that happened in the past; it was foolish. But that's how us girls are," I said with a laugh. "We're evil, parasitic creatures."

"Oh, I don't think that's true," he debated with a gorgeous grin. "Some girls are, I'll agree, but you…" He paused, his fingers grazing my cheek. "You are above and beyond amazing, and incredibly understanding; hence, the whole dating-a-vampire thing."

We both laughed, and spent the better part of the day in the grass, exchanging pleasant conversation. When twilight finally rolled around, Edward hoisted me into his arms and ran back to the house I wanted more than anything to get away from, if only for the night.

Sadly, my request was not granted. Edward set me gently on my feet in the foyer, and we were immediately bombarded by his siblings, all wondering if we'd recovered yet from our first fight.

"Make-up sex is the best, Bella. Don't let one rejection knock you down," Emmett whispered reassuringly, patting my shoulder. "Get back on that horse. You gotta giddy up!" he said a little louder as he stood from the couch on which we were seated.

"Emmett!" I hissed. "Shut up, he's just upstairs."

He laughed heartily before throwing Rosalie over his shoulder, making her squeal, and running up the stairs. Soon after, I sighed, and went up the stairs myself.

"Don't think I didn't hear what he said," Edward said softly as I opened the bedroom door. "And it's not happening."

"I didn't think so," I muttered under my breath.

"However," he continued, tearing his eyes away from the David Sedaris novel, "You're getting closer to a reward." He smirked, and patted the sheets next to him. "Come sit with me. You've read this haven't you? I'm dying to talk about it with someone."

I smiled and went to join him on the bed. We spent hours talking over the book before sleep finally overcame me.

**A/N: So I still don't know what I want to give as a reward. So here's the deal: if you can find it, you can choose what you get, as long as it's within reason, ok? Now, with that said, review! :)**


	20. A quick, simple question

Should Bella relapse or not

**Should Bella relapse or not?**


	21. You take the breath right outta me

A/N: Writer's block, sorry

**A/N: Writer's block, sorry. Plus I've been trying relentlessly to write this one-shot that's been in my head for like…ever. So I've figured out that I may not have to attend school for the last four days. I don't have to go the last two, at least. Thank God for perfect attendance exam exemption.**

It's understandable that the ringing of a doorbell in the Cullen home is a rarity. How many people could possibly need to visit a house full of vampires, especially when Charlie's at work?

A number of people, err, beings, actually. Those Italian vampires Edward's always so worried about, suspecting townspeople, strawberry blonde sluts that want my man.

It was none of these people, though, that interrupted a perfectly peaceful spring day.

Edward and I were sitting in the library with Jasper. Edward was sitting in the corner, reading quietly. I, however, was watching Jasper partake in several illegal activities that were necessary to the existence the family upheld. He forged school records, changed the dates of Carlisle's medical certificates, reprinted new birth certificates, and so forth.

Alice and Rosalie had taken a 'girls' week' I'd rather die than participate in to Nevada. (They have my blessing as I sit in Washington.) I knew the dynamic duo would shop the malls barren, and possibly gamble the rest of the family savings, but I didn't realize upon their departure just how helpful Alice would've been.

Emmett was, no doubt, sitting in the family room, complaining to a cleaning Esme about how bored he was. I could imagine her sigh, tell him to do something productive, and return to dust-mopping the hardwood flooring. The thought alone had me stifling a smile.

Carlisle was out being the good citizen he is, saving lives and all that. He had been at the hospital non-stop once he trusted me to be left alone without his constantly wary gaze. I was beyond thankful for this new level of trust, as were his patients, I'm sure.

The sudden chirp of the doorbell had all of us stiffened in confusion. Edward and Jasper exchanged a brief look, followed by a slight nod on both parts.

"Wh—," I began before being cut off by Jasper tucking me into his chest and taking off down the stairs to the front door.

"Who is it, Edward?" I asked as he walked up behind me, half smiling, half grimacing.

"Let's just leave it at this: you will certainly be surprised. I, however, couldn't be happier with the appearance of our guest."

Before I could repeat my question, Edward was swinging the door open to a bouncing Renee in the doorway.

"Bella!" she squealed, pulling me into her arms for a tight embrace. "How are you doing, honey? Dr. Cullen called me last week and told me all about your progress."

"Yeah, I'm fine, mom. How are you? Is Phil doing ok?"

"Oh, don't you worry about us," she said dismissively, waving her hand. "I want to hear all about you. It's truly baffling that you're finally acting like you're not middle-aged."

"Gee, thanks, mom," I laughed softly, playfully hitting her arm. "I don't like acting like a kid. It's so…unlike me. I just hope things will get back to normal soon."

"Well, as long as you're happy." She patted my hand lovingly. A small giggle escaped her lips. "It's funny, really. Here I'm supposed to be the mother, yet I nearly encourage rebellious behavior." She shook her head. "It's a good thing you've always been so mature for your age, huh?"

"Well if it's encouraged, it's not really rebellious anymore, is it?" I mused. "And that means I've been right all along," I laughed, shooting Edward a soft look to let him know it was a mere joke.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, everyone. How rude of me! It's so very nice to see you all again. It's just too bad all our run-ins involve silly Bella here getting herself into trouble somehow. How've you been Edward?"

"I'm fine, thanks, Mrs. Dwyer." Edward smiled innocently at my mother.

"Esme! Oh, you look so lovely, dear. How are you?" Esme and Renee retreated to the kitchen, no doubt for Esme's cooking.

"So what do you propose we do while they catch up?" I asked the three boys, receiving a collective shrug as a response.

"I have to get back to work," Jasper muttered, moving past me and up the stairs to the library.

"Esme's teaching me how to make crepes," Emmett said excitedly, running off toward the kitchen.

"Guess that leaves us, love. Are you up to a trip to the meadow? It's not raining today," he proposed, breathing in my face to win his way, as always.

"Sure," I sighed. "I just need to go get a jacket. I'll be right back, ok?"

"I'll be waiting in the car. I can't exactly run off with you with Renee here."

I smiled at him before turning up the stairs for a light rain-resistant jacket. Sure, it may not be raining now, but this is Forks after all. I skipped down the second story hall to the guest room I hardly ever occupied. Turning on the light, I hurried to the closet, so not to keep Edward waiting. What I found there, though, was not the jacket I'd been searching for.

In the back corner of the small walk-in was a large black purse—the one I'd brought to the party.

Temptation is an odd thing. The sub-conscious can scream and scream to stop, yet the body will move toward its fateful destination on its own accord. Before I'd covered half the closet though, I dropped to the floor, shaking.

My addictions started because of Edward, and stopped because of Edward. But somewhere in between, my addiction was about me. How selfish I was! Here I was, crawling across soft white carpet for a cigarette and vodka, after Edward had put every bit of him into helping me get better. I stopped, my arm reaching toward my purse, and sat completely and utterly still. Before I could hurt everyone close to me again, I did the only thing my stock-still body was capable of at the moment: I screamed. The sound bubbling from my throat shocked me; who knew how loudly I could proclaim my emotion, or lack thereof?

Edward was lifting me and placing me on the bed in under a second. I was sobbing loudly now, the screams ceasing. He opened his mouth to ask what had happened, but the door burst open, the others flying into the room.

"Bella, honey, what's wrong?" Renee asked, shaking my shoulders gently. "What happened?"

"My purse," I choked out, pointing toward the closet shakily.

"Oh, my God," Edward muttered, pulling me closer against him. "Jasper, get it out of here."

Without another word, Jasper strolled into the closet, returning a few moments later with the offending black bag. He pulled out my white wallet, laying it beside me on his way out the door.

"Thanks, Jasper," I whispered, knowing he would hear me. "I'm sorry for scaring you all. I just didn't know what to do. I…I came so close…I couldn't just ruin _everything_ like that."

"Honey," Esme murmured, sitting on my right side. "There's no need to apologize. We want to help you. Are you okay now?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Thank you." I hugged her, and dismissed everyone but Edward from the room.

"Bella," he murmured disbelievingly. "What happened? You were doing so well." His sad eyes stabbed at my chest.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I just…I wanted it so bad." I broke down crying again, and he tucked my head under his chin.

"Shh, it's alright now. Don't worry." He tilted my chin up and kissed my forehead. "I'm just glad you did the right thing by screaming. If you'd relapsed…" He trailed off, sighing sadly. "I love you, Isabella. Don't cry, please."

"I love you, too," I whispered. "Thank you for being here. This is certainly earning you some trust points."

He chuckled softly. "Oh, is it now? Well, how else could I earn some?" He looked down at me with wide, child-like eyes.

"I'd still like that trip to the meadow." I smiled.

He left me for a second, returning with the jacket I'd gone for earlier. "Anything you wish."

I shrugged into the jacket, and jumped into his arms. He carried me at a human pace to his car, and deposited me lithely in the passenger seat. After settling himself in the driver's side, the engine roared to life, and he backed carefully out of the driveway. The Volvo maneuvered through the trees and dirt back-roads all the way to the trail. Edward turned the car off, silencing Gershwin's second symphony, and strolled slowly to my door.

"May I?" he inquired, holding his arms out for me.

I rolled my eyes, giggling, and jumped toward him. He threw me easily, but carefully, onto his back. I secured my hold, and he was running.

**A/N: It's short, sorry. Forgive me, loves. I just really wanted to get this posted. Read my new one-shot NOW. And review, please. I believe I'll go straighten my hair now, so make me happy! New chapter most likely next Tuesday. :( Maybe you'll get lucky. You know how. Hint: Reviews.**


	22. Who's that casting devious stares?

A/N: The Host is great

**A/N: Thunder storms. The Host. I've been a little lazy. :) Eight school days. Do enjoy the chapter.**

I must've fallen asleep during the course of the afternoon in the meadow. I faintly remembered falling asleep against Edward's chest in the warm breeze, but I woke up in the dark guest room, the only light being the bright moon shining in through the window.

Sitting up groggily, I rubbed my head. It was then that I remembered having had a headache from all the previous day's excitements. Renee, relapse—it all blurred into one over-exerting memory.

I rolled over on the soft mattress in search of the red glow of an alarm clock. I soon found it, and had to lift the clock from the bedside table to read the time: my eyes were still adjusting to my surroundings.

12:23

I groaned, throwing myself back into the comfort of my pillow. The covers soon found their way up to my chin, and I clutched onto them as I rolled onto my side, willing sleep to come.

A sigh of contentment escaped me, and I smiled at the comfort. Sleep was not far off, I could tell. However, just as my eyes were giving way, the door slammed open, letting the hallway light blind me.

"Bella!" Alice exclaimed, throwing herself on top of me on the bed. I could faintly make out Edward's shape in the hall leaning against the door frame, laughing.

"Yes, hello Alice. Nice to see you, too. When did you get back?" I muttered, patting her lightly while she clutched onto me in a death-hug.

"Well obviously we left as soon as I had a vision! I'm so sorry I wasn't here to help. I couldn't get a signal, we were in the desert after all, and you were already asleep by the time we got back. I was so worried!" She threw herself back into me, hugging tighter.

"It's fine, Alice. Can I go to bed, now?"

She looked up at me, pouting, but allowed it. "Sure, I'll see you in the morning." She skipped out of the room with her ever-perfect dancer's step, and Edward replaced her in the room, closing the door behind him.

"How are you feeling? You were pretty beat by the time we got to the meadow." He sat down on the bed, and took me into his arms.

"I'm sleepy," I muttered, curling into his cold chest.

He laughed, and the sound reverberated through his chest and onto my body. "Then go to bed, silly," he suggested, kissing my hair.

"I dun wanna," I slurred, already half asleep. "I wanna talk to you." I wondered if he could make out my words, as they were started to blur into my sleep-talking.

He chuckled again, and lay back with me still curled up against him. "Go to sleep, angel. We can talk when you wake up. I promise I'll be here tomorrow, and the next day, and the next."

His promises were the last thing I heard before I was enclosed in darkness once again.

Carlisle was pacing in front of the bed when I finally woke up. Being Carlisle, he immediately noticed when I stirred, and he dashed over to the corner of the bed nearest my head.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" he asked, concerned. "Edward told me what happened."

Before I could answer him, though, I had to look around, take in my surroundings. I found the room empty aside from Carlisle and myself, and pouted.

Carlisle chuckled. "He went to get you some breakfast. Are you feeling okay? Do you need any medicine? Are you still feeling nervous? Jumpy?"

The questions came too fast. My head was still throbbing, and sleep was still over-riding any sense of logic. "Hang on," I muttered, though it sounded like a whimper. "It's too early." I groaned, and pulled my sheets over my head.

He sighed, pulling the sheets back down. "Bella, you've been sleeping for nearly twenty hours. I know you must be tired from yesterday, but you need to get up, sweetheart. I need to make sure you're okay." He patted the arm I'd folded over my stomach, and sat down and the bottom of the bed. "Now, could you answer a few questions for me?"

I groaned in response, but shook my head to please him.

He nodded, and pulled a small flashlight from the pocket of his khaki pants. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," I whimpered, irritated.

He laughed. "I should've guessed that much. Are you feeling nervous, jumpy?"

"No. I haven't woken up yet."

"Cut the complaining, please. Are you still feeling scared?"

"No, but I'm sure if you throw another pack of Marlboros my way I would be."

He finally put the flashlight to good use, shining it in my eyes. "Well you should be rested up. Just give it a few minutes, and go take a good shower. You'll be good as new. And I'll be sure there's nothing else to stand in your way, alright?"

I nodded pitifully.

"You're going to be okay, Bella. I promise you that." He ruffled my hair, smiling. "I'll see you later. I'm going to the hospital. Edward should be back with food soon."

He closed my bedroom door, and moments later I heard the gentle purr of the Mercedes backing out of the driveway. Moments later, another car could be heard; I immediately recognized the hum of the Volvo and sighed in relief. I was starving.

I wasted no time in rushing to meet him as soon as possible. Of course, I ran straight into him the moment I opened the door. Stupid vampire speed.

"Hungry?" He smiled, holding a grocery bag in one hand.

I snatched it, earning a round of laughter as Edward joined me on the bed. I dove right into the bag, snatching back a box of bagels and cream cheese. I ripped both the containers open, only then realizing I had no knife. I looked up at Edward with puppy dog eyes to find him already holding the small plastic knife out in front of him.

After I'd maliciously devoured four bagels, Edward towed me to the shower, leaving my clothes for me on the counter. I showered quickly, though still enjoying the release of stress I naturally felt while showering. Having left my make-up bag in Edward's bathroom, I shuffled my usual routine and dried my hair. After straightening it, I pulled my jeans and shirt on. Edward was nowhere to be found when I exited the washroom, so I shrugged, headed for his bathroom for my make-up.

I could hear the television on downstairs, and some crashing noise in the kitchen, so I didn't anticipate seeing anyone on my adventure.

I was wrong.

Opening Edward's bathroom door was definitely worse than finding cigarettes. There he stood, in _all_ his glory, wearing nothing but a towel.

The towel was busy drying his hair.

Luckily, I only got a back view; a front view would surely have had me pouncing him to the ground. He immediately dropped the towel to wrap around his waist, and turned around to stare at me in shock.

"Uhm…I just…need my, uhh, make-up." Not taking my eyes off his perfectly sculpted chest, I reached toward the counter for my bag.

As I closed the door, I noticed Edward hadn't moved an inch after covering his flawless body—the body I yearned for, and hoped to press against at any available moment. I chuckled softly, the door clicking into place.

I sat on the middle of the large bed and opened the small bag. From it I pulled my eyeliner, powder, and lip gloss—my necessities. Edward had finally mustered enough courage to come out by the time I was finishing up, glossing my dry lips.

It didn't take long for the evil genius in my mind to speak up against Edward, soaking up the opportunity to embarrass the great and almighty.

"I smell sex and candy here," I muttered, twisting the cap of my gloss aimlessly. "Who's that lounging in my chair?"

"Very funny. You could've knocked you know."

I shrugged. "You're the vampire. You should've heard me coming."

He sighed and ran frustrated fingers through his hair. "Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry about that, it probably didn't help your self control at all."

"Let's just say this weekend has definitely been testing every limit I've set up." I sighed, and jumped up from the bed to stand next to him. "What's on the agenda today?"

"Well I think Renee has been sucked into the girls' shopping trip, and she wants to bring you along."

I groaned. "I will not go," I muttered sternly, my eyebrows furrowed.

"Esme's going, too. Do you really want to be here with a house full of boys?"

I weighed the options. Being dragged through a shopping mall, or listening to Emmett crack constant jokes about my humanity. Forced into dressing rooms, or sitting on the sidelines if the boys started fighting. Taking care of my mother or taking care of four vampires who were perfectly capable of taking care of themselves.

That was my deciding factor.

"I think I can trust them with my poor mother. I don't need to do much traveling anyway. Doctor's orders." I smirked, pulling him out the door to announce my decision.

"Morning, Bella," Renee said, wrapping me up in a hug. "Did you speak with Dr. Cullen this morning?"

"Yeah, mom. I think I'm gonna sit out on the shopping trip, though. Is that okay?"

She smiled sadly. "Of course, dear. I feel bad leaving you, but I'd also feel bad declining the offer. Would you rather I stayed here with you?"

"No, mom," I murmured, patting her arm. "Go have fun with the girls. Someone has to stay behind and take care of the boys."

Her smile grew. "We won't be gone too long, just until Tuesday. And you can call if you need anything."

A few hours they were gone, leaving me in the hands of four male vampires. Oh, the possibilities.

**A/N: Sorry for the shortness. I'm working up to the next chapter, which might just include an EdwardxBella lemon. Wouldn't everyone just love that? I know. Now review, or Bella will just have this odd change of heart, and dedicate her life to teen abstinence.**


	23. You caught me off guard now I'm running

A/N: Do enjoy this

**A/N: Do enjoy this. I'm using every spare moment to write it. :) Who wants some nice, refreshing lemonade? ;) 25 cents a bottle, folks! That's right, this chapter comes with a fee. :D Oh, song references: Criminal- Fiona Apple. Listen to it, love it.**

"Now what?" Emmett asked from the couch where he sat with a car magazine. I recognized his wicked grin before it even appeared. "Oh, Bella?"

"No."

"But why?"

"Because I said so."

"Hmph."

I rolled my eyes at his pouting, and went to the kitchen to make myself a sandwich. I pulled turkey and cheese from the refrigerator and grabbed the bread off the counter. Before I could start, though, Edward was gently pushing me out of the way to do it himself. I let out a defeated sigh and sat down on a stool by the counter. He had my sandwich in front of me only moments later, and I muttered my thanks.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his eyebrows on the verge of pulling together in confusion.

"Nothing, I just feel helpless a lot. You never let me do anything." I started to pick apart the sandwich, as I often did with my meals. "I just feel like a baby sometimes."

"You silly girl, I'll never understand you. You don't know how happy it makes me to get to do little things like this for you." He sat down next to me and began gently stroking my cheek. "I just want to take care of you in the best manner possible. What kind of gentleman would I be if I let you make your own lunch?" We both laughed softly, and he gently kissed me.

"Thank you for making me lunch," I murmured, grabbing his hand as I used the other to eat.

"Anytime I can, Bella."

"So what are we going to do for two days?" I muttered, my mouth stuffed with sandwich.

He looked pensive for a moment. "I'm not sure yet. Just don't let Emmett do anything." He shook his head, attempting to drown out his brother's thoughts.

"Should I be scared?"

"Probably."

"Great," I sighed, stuffing the last bite of my sandwich into my mouth. I quickly grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, and chugged it.

"God, kid, slow down." Jasper walked over to the sink to wash his hands. "You're gonna make yourself sick like that, you know. You didn't eat yesterday."

"Thanks, mom."

He glowered at me, and I smirked right back. After a near ten-minute stare down, Jasper seemed to remember his original intention.

"Oh, Bella, right. Uhm…will you come upstairs with me for a minute? I wanted to show you this book I found."

"Before I give my consent, what is it?" I crossed my arms over my chest indifferently.

"I swear, you're gonna love it." His eyes seemed to light up as he continued. "I found an original copy Carlisle has of the Canterbury Tales."

My mouth gaped. "Holy hell, why are we still standing in the kitchen?"

Forgetting poor Edward, I ran up the stairs and into Carlisle's study without a second thought.

Jasper was not behind me.

I started to look back out in the hall when the door closed. From behind it, Emmett smirked, and soon his booming laughter shook the room. Before I could ask what was so funny, the answer came in the form of a crash in the kitchen. Jasper and Edward.

"Emmett…" I said slowly, backing away from the noticeably slaphappy vampire. "What's going on here? Are you and Jasper plotting to kill me or something?"

His face shone with realization. "No, not at all." He came over, and leaned down to whisper in my ear. "But that would be a great idea to plot in lover boy's head, huh?" He laughed again, and soon Edward's ripping growl could be heard.

"Don't piss him off, Emmett. Seriously, though, what are you guys doing?"

The wicked grin appeared again, and more snarling flowed up the stairs. "I'm here to help you, Bella, as is Jasper. We know what you want from the prude, and we want to help you get it, my dear, sweet, little human." He petted my head, and invited me to sit in one of the two chairs directly across from Carlisle's desk.

"I see," I murmured, keeping a poker face for the time being. "And what is it you have to offer me, my dear, sweet, big vampire?"

He chuckled ominously. "I have a nice little tale to tell. It's the story of a girl who liked a boy, and one day this girl discovered one incredibly powerful turn-on."

"Go on," I encouraged, poker face still in tact.

"Before Alice and Jasper came along, we all lived in Denali with the girls and Eleazar. Edward has told you about them, has he not?" I nodded and he went on. "Well, Tanya once told me little story about a certain hunting trip. Apparently, she was feeling a little flirty, and asked Edward to give her a piggy back ride. Being the gentleman he is, he did." Emmett paused to roll his eyes. "He carried her for a while, and he didn't seem to catch on to the flirting. So she bit him. You see, dear girl, Edward has his little weaknesses just like you do. It's right about here." He pointed to the crook of his own neck, just south of the hollow beneath his ear. "You bite him there, and he'll have you in bed before you can blink."

"So what happened with Tanya? He told me he's a virgin."

"Oh, trust me, he is. He threw her down and took off in the opposite direction. She told me she could see his boner for a mile." We shared a quiet laugh.

"Why are you helping me with this?" Different scenarios of 'favors' flashed through my mind, sending a shudder down my spine.

"Because, kid, you both really need it. The boy's one hundred and seven; it's time he got some. And you, you poor little thing. You haven't been laid in months."

"And you're doing this just because you think we should?"

He laughed, loudly again, before answering. "Pretty much."

"But what if he just bolts like he did with the slut? That's certainly not going to help anything."

That terrifying smirk again. "Oh, that won't be a problem. Trust me, little one." He stood, and gestured for me to join. After throwing an arm around my shoulder and guiding me toward the door, our setting sank in.

"What did Jasper do with him?" I listened, my ear pressed to the door, for any sign of combat below us.

"They're outside, or in the basement. I'm not sure. But Jasper's probably smart enough to keep him in the basement; he's smarter than me, after all. Come on, we have strategy to discuss."

My boyfriend's brother is smarter than anyone has ever given him credit for. Not concerning ourselves with the detainment in the basement, Emmett and I put a lot of hard work, and fun, into our set-up. In the family room was an open space for the boys to make the tackle; all furniture had been moved to the farthest walls. We lit candles in Edward's room, and turned down the fresh sheets. I made sure to clear a path to the bed, and covered that path with red rose petals.

7:23

I sat down on the couch in my salmon-pink Victoria's Secret nightie, exasperated. Emmett kindly avoided staring at my exposed cleavage and long legs as he whistled for Jasper.

"Bring forth the prisoner!"

I chuckled, and soon the sound of loud, clamorous footsteps could be heard in the distance. Only then did I realize I had no clue how to find the basement; therefore, I didn't know where to look for an entrance.

Somehow, the boys came from the kitchen: Edward blindfolded, and Jasper restraining him as he thrashed and snarled.

"Where is she? What did you do with her?" he growled, hearing Emmett's approach.

"Edward, you should really calm down. You need to be on your best behavior for tonight's plans." He paused to wink at me. "Bella, assure the boy you're okay." He nodded in my direction as he spoke.

"Bella?"  
I stood and walked closer to him. "I'm here, Edward. And better than ever." I couldn't suppress the laugh in my throat.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all."

He cleared his throat. "Well if no one's going to tell me, could someone take off the DAMN BLINDFOLD?!"

"Sure," Emmett laughed. "Just hold on another second or two. Jasper, guide our prisoner to the couch, please." Jasper followed the command, sitting Edward gently on the couch. "Ready?" he asked Jasper, shifting so that he was ready to bolt for Edward and hold him down. "Go!"

I stood to the side as the blindfold was removed, giving Edward his vision of me…in very little clothing. His eyes bulged and focused on my legs, so he didn't see Emmett launch himself to his left side to restrain him, Jasper taking up the right.

"What the—," Edward began, but trailed off, inarticulate.

"Don't be mad, ok?" I asked, sauntering toward him. "I love you."  
"Bella, what the hell is going on here?"

I checked again to be sure the boys had a good hold on him. Emmett had his knee on Edward's thigh, his arms holding his shoulder and forearm; Jasper mirrored him. I nodded to the best brothers I could ever ask for. "Thanks, guys."

Without thinking too much about what I was about to do, I crawled into Edward's lap, straddling him. His eyes grew even larger, but he still hadn't managed to find his voice.

"I love you," I whispered once more against the cold skin of his neck. "Forgive me, for I have sinned." I grazed my teeth along his neck.

A sharp intake of breath, a contraction of muscles, and a poking against my thigh.

"I've been a bad, bad girl," I sang into his ear seductively. "I've been careless with a delicate man."

"It's a sad, sad world," Jasper interrupted, laughing, "when a girl would break a boy just because she can."

I rolled my eyes at him, and leaned down to Edward's neck again. Before I'd even made contact, he stiffened again. In all senses. I chuckled at my success, and bit him harder, though he couldn't be hurt by it. He began thrashing, black eyes lusting after me. The boys held him until he stopped his squirming, and then they relaxed, but still held him.

"Bella, it seems our work here is done. Don't forget: wrap it before you tap it." He and Jasper chortled, while Edward looked up at them with pained eyes.

"Emmett, you swore you'd never tell," he whispered. "I trusted you with that around her."

"Man, trust me, this is for your own good. Have fun." They released him at the same time, and he was throwing me over his shoulders and running. **(Soooo tempted to cut off here. Wouldn't that be terrible?)**

I caught Emmett and Jasper bump knuckles and wink at me on the way up the stairs. I waved back at them, and Emmett gestured for me to smack Edward's ass. I laughed, but complied, and they began to laugh with me.

"Giddy up!" Emmett shouted as we rounded the second story foyer and up the second flight of stairs.

I made the mistake of blinking, and I opened my eyes to find myself mid-air, flying toward the golden bed. The rose petals, I noticed, had been blown aside in the mad dash for the bed; some of the candles near the door even went out.

"Bella," he growled as he laid himself gently over me, "you are my greatest sin, I swear it. The worst temptation to cross my path in all these years." I could tell from his sparkling, now-golden eyes and heart-breaking grin that he was merely teasing me, and I giggled as he kissed my neck repeatedly.

"You aren't mad at me, are you? For biting you and all?"

He looked up at me again as if he planned to response, but I could almost see a light bulb flashing above his head as he thought better of it. He answered my question by ripping one of the straps of my nightie.

I glared at him while pouting, and, as if reading my thoughts, he growled, "I'll buy you another. As many as you like, in any color. Right now, I need you." With that said, the nightie was gone, as was my lacy black bra.

"Well this is hardly fair," I whispered seductively as I leaned up to his ear. "You're still fully dressed." I grabbed onto his button-up shirt with a firm grip, and with one hand, I undid the buttons quickly. The shirt ended up somewhere, probably on a candle with my lack of grace, on the other side of the room. I looked down at him, my fingers grazing his chest, to find that he'd managed to kick off his jeans, as well.

"Better?" he panted.

"Much."

"I love you so much, Bella. I need you."

In that moment, I wished so badly that I had waited for him. I wished he had been the first, the only man to see me naked. He should have always been the only one to love me in this way. I always knew, know, will know that Edward is the only one I can really love. But I wasted myself on Tyler, Mike, Shannon, countless others. How could he possibly want me now? Unfathomable luck has shined upon me, and continues to. I don't deserve him.

"I love you, too. I'm sorry you're not my first, and I have to be yours. I don't deserve you." I looked at him with sad eyes, my fingers tracing his jaw line up and down…up and down. His brows furrowed, and I smoothed the creases in his forehead with gentle, loving fingers.

"Don't say such things, love. You are the only person I could ever want, no matter the circumstance. The past is the past. And right now, it's you and me. So who's to say I'm not your first?"

"Thank you," I murmured almost inaudibly. "You always know exactly how to make me feel better."

An evil smirk I'd recently seen Emmett wear shone on his angel's face. "Well, hopefully tonight I can do that in more than one way." His eyebrows rose suggestively, and in a flick of his thumb, my panties were added to the pile of clothes. "I love you, Bella. And I hope that this will help you realize that. That, and that I will never leave your side again."

I noticed at this point that his boxers were gone, too. He looked at me, his eyes smoldering, and ducked his head the slightest bit. "Are you ready?" he asked breathlessly, obviously on the brink of insanity.

I couldn't find my voice, so I settled for a pathetic nod, and grabbed onto his shoulders.

Carefully, so very carefully, he pushed himself inside me. I gasped, and he quickly scanned my face. I smiled my reassurance, and he pulled out again almost completely. With another thrust, I dug my nails viciously into his back.

"Faster, Edward," I pleaded, breathless.

He responded by sliding one of his hands down my side, settling it on the small of my back. He began to respond to my pleas, and the faintest murmur of a growl was breathed onto my neck. Edward pulled his head back to look at me again, and I noticed his eyes were again black. Without giving me time to respond to his eye color, Edward attacked my lips fully, kissing me with enough passion to set off a bomb.

I wrapped my legs around his waist as the thrusts became faster yet again. With every moan that I uttered for him, he sped up, closer and closer to his climax with merely the thought that he could do this to me. The same applied to me. His growls, moans, everything, sent me into a frenzy.

With one final scream from me, and with one final roar from Edward, we crashed into wave over wave over wave of ecstasy together. We were both panting, and both covered in sweat due to my perspiration and his close contact. Edward pulled the sheets over us, and kissed my neck when he returned from turning off the light.

"Sleep now, Bella. It's been a tough weekend for you."

"Edward?"

"Yes, my angel?" He kissed my neck again.

"I want to be a vampire, too."

**A/N: Hope you liked it. I wasn't too impressed. Oh well. Review! I have no clue what the next chapter should be about, so don't be looking for it for a few days. But review do always help to inspire me. ;) Laterz!**


	24. Our wrongs remain unrectified

A/N: (Monday) Who in the hell gives an exam review to a class in which NO students are taking said exam

**A/N: (Monday) Who in the hell gives an exam review to a class in which NO students are taking said exam? Ms. Fucking Tipton. That's who. That's the only thing I did today, other than read 16 chapters of Catcher in the Rye. Ugh. Two days. Fuck. Now that I'm feeling better (and thanks for listening to my rant) I'd like everyone to be aware that this should be around the beginning of Eclipse, so I'm probably going to be ending this one soon, and continuing in an Eclipse AU or something. You know, the forthcoming wedding and the change. Or would my readers prefer no sequel, and just get all that in this story? I dunno, so tell me.**

His body stiffened around me. His breath hitched, he was completely immobile. After a few minutes of being locked beneath the statue, I began to squirm to let Edward know it was quickly becoming uncomfortable.

"Sorry, what was that again? I thought you said something crazy about being a vampire or something." He scoffed, and followed it with a short laugh. "How absurd."

"You heard me right," I assured him. I turned around in his arms and gave him my best puppy dog face. "Everything I want is right here, and it wouldn't be fair to have it taken from either of us, especially when you can live forever."

"Bella," he sighed. He paused, struggling for words. "Why don't you just go to bed, and we'll talk about this tomorrow, okay?" He placed a gentle kiss on my shoulder, and tightened his hold around me. "I love you."

I sighed in defeat. "I love you, too. But don't think I'm going to drop this. I fully intend to discuss this in the morning."

"Goodnight, Bella."

I woke to the aroma of pancakes wafting through my nostrils. I smiled and stretched, not yet opening my eyes. I rolled over, hoping to find Edward's still-nude form beside me. I pouted when I found myself alone in the bed.

"Come on, sleepy head, open those beautiful eyes."

My eyes popped open instantly to find Edward sitting beside the bed with a tray of food, still shirtless, but wearing plaid pajama pants. Before him, on the tray, was a plate of pancakes, a bottle of maple syrup, a glass of apple juice, and a single red rose in a slender vase.

"Good morning," I muttered, my voice still thick with sleep. "Thank you for breakfast."

"I told you, love, anytime you'll allow it." His crooked grin had me jumping at him for a kiss. Luckily, he pulled the food out of the way in time to avoid a mess. "My, my, someone's frisky this morning. Care for some food before you try to seduce me anymore?"

I giggled against his lips. "Actually, breakfast sounds fantastic. Did you do this on your own? The four of you must have worked hard on this," I joked, sipping my juice.

"Jasper may have lent a hand." He smirked sheepishly.

A horribly embarrassing thought crossed my scattered mind. Had Carlisle…heard us? "Edward…what time did Carlisle get in last night?" I asked under my breath, my cheeks flushed.

He chuckled softly, and held a finger out to me, motioning for me to give him a moment. He jumped up and pulled a CD down from one of his shelves. After putting the disc in the stereo, Marjorie Fair blasted through the room, so to at least partially drown out the conversation.

"Apparently he got home just before all the action began: just about the time I ran you up here. I'm sure Emmett and Jasper would've been barging down the damn door if Carlisle hadn't stopped them in the hall. He said it would just be better to listen from there."

My jaw went slack. "And you didn't stop them? Knowing they were just standing out there listening!"

Not fazed by my outburst of embarrassment, Edward smiled at me crookedly again, trying to win his way. "Well, love, I was just so caught up in you. I couldn't even here their thoughts, babe."

I sighed. "So today's going to be embarrassing. Waaaaay embarrassing, if you ask me."

"Well," he purred, climbing up into the bed with me whilst placing the tray of uneaten food on the bedside table, "we could just stay here today." He placed gentle kisses on my neck and collar bone. "I'd have no objections to that. Besides, Carlisle's not even home. Something about a car accident."

"As wonderful as it would be to stay in bed today, it probably wouldn't be very nice of me to ignore my brothers after all their help." I smiled down at him before placing a kiss on his forehead. "I think I'll go take a quick shower, though, if you'd like to join me."

"Mmm," he sighed. "That sounds like a wonderful proposal. I'll be right behind you."

In only my one-strapped nightie, I skipped toward the bathroom, shaking my hips suggestively. I heard him growl as he came up behind me. His cold purr against my neck caused me to giggle. Tripping over one another's feet and recently removed clothes, we finally stumbled into the glass shower.

"I have this horrible feeling," Edward growled, "that we won't get very clean in here."

I turned around to face him, and kissed him fiercely. "Would that be such a horrible thing?"

Giving no warning, Edward picked me up and wrapped my legs around his waist. He lifted me higher, and, very slowly, he slid me down onto him. I gasped at the sensation, and his hands gripped my hips. Quickly, we found a perfect rhythm. Hot water beat down on us, creating more steam than we could ourselves manage. I faintly noticed, though, that Edward's stereo cut off just as we climaxed. I thought the disc had ended.

Wrong.

The bathroom door opened. I gasped, and Edward quickly set me down and whipped his head around to try and make out our guest through the steam present on the glass door.

"Carlisle? Jesus Christ, have you lost your mind?"

He reached over the glass wall between them and pulled back two towels, throwing one to me, and wrapping the other around his waist. I wrapped the soft blue towel around me, and we emerged from the shower, dripping wet.

Carlisle cleared his throat awkwardly. "I…have some," He paused to clear his throat again, "news to relay to the two of you, if you'll join me in the family room."

"Uhm…," I stuttered, "can I get dressed first, please?" I could feel immense heat in my cheeks.

"Yes, uhm, of course. I'll just, uhh, leave you two alone now." He ducked out of the room, and I relaxed immediately, dropping the towel by accident.

"Come on, let's get you dressed. He's blocking his thoughts. This can't be good," Edward muttered, dragging me back to his room and throwing clothes at me.

I pulled the clothes on, Edward tapping his foot impatiently the entire time. "Come on, come on," he muttered under his breath. "Emmett and Jasper are waiting."

Finally, I managed to pull my top over my head and comb my wet hair. I put on a very minimal amount of make-up, and Edward threw me over his shoulder. I closed my eyes, and he placed me gently on the couch a few moments later. Carlisle was pacing nervously back and forth, and the boys were all on the edge on their seat, anxious. I, however, sat calmly on the couch, patiently waiting.

"I don't know why the hell the three of you are so excited; this is more for Bella than anyone."

My heart sank as he threw his head in my direction. Me? News? Never good. I played at least seventy-five scenarios in my head: Jessica's pregnant, Charlie fell into the ocean while fishing with Billy, Renee had her car repossessed, maybe the wolves wanted a fight, the Volturi are coming, more trackers want to lead me all over the fucking southwest.

"Bella," Carlisle sighed as he sat down on the edge of the coffee table in front of me, "this morning I went into the emergency room to perform a surgery on a teenage girl that came with four broken ribs, several facial lacerations, and countless other injuries. She…she didn't make it, Bella."

"Who was it, Carlisle?" I asked gravely, tears already staining my cheeks.

He sighed, and took my hand. "It was Lauren Mallory."

Tears fell gracefully into my lap, onto Carlisle's khaki pants, onto the flawless white carpet beneath my bare feet. Terrifyingly loud sobs wracked me, and I realized not at first that the sound came from me. Edward held me tightly against him, and I mourned the loss of a friend who did everything she thought right to help me when he could not.

And now he would return to her eternally the favor.

"What happened?" Edward whispered to Carlisle, thinking I couldn't hear him.

I caught only part of Carlisle's response. "…Intoxicated…Mike Newton…totaled the car…eternally grounded…had the nerve…Shawshank."

"What?" I asked, whipping my head around to Carlisle in confusion. "What did you just say about Shawshank?"

He laughed softly. "I was just telling Edward how Mike Newton, who was driving the car, had the nerve this morning to say to Jessica his parents were reminding him more and more everyday of the warden in The Shawshank Redemption, and how he dreaded going home to face them. As if that's his biggest concern." He sighed, and ran an exasperated hand over his face. "I'd really like to choke the life out of that boy some days."

"You've no idea," Edward sighed, tightening his hold around me.

"How are you holding up?" Jasper asked, squatting down before me, stroking my arm carefully. "I didn't think you'd want to feel all fake-happy, but I'll be glad to make you feel better if you want."

Emmett came to sit on my right side. "Me, too. Even if I can't do it with my mind. Anything you need, you let me know, okay?"

"Thanks, guys," I croaked. "I think all I really need right now is a really, really, really long nap." I sighed, and left the comfort of my lover's arms. "I'll be back down in a little while. You boys enjoy yourselves, okay? Feel free to wake me up if you need anything."

I turned on a very weak heel, and dragged myself to Edward's bedroom. Silent tears fell on the soft, golden pillow beneath me, and I slept, dreaming of such a moment as Carlisle described to me: my friend—cold and dead on the operating table.

**A/N: (Wed.) Shocked, are you? Me, too. It just…came to me. I was taking a shower, and I just came up with this idea of Jessica and Bella getting into an argument at a funeral. Shrugs I dunno. Just happens sometimes. School's out! Yes! Hopefully I can update tomorrow. Maybe twice if we're lucky. So review! Friday's graduation, so next update after tomorrow will probably be Saturday. Unless Dad has something radical planned. Review for a quicker update!**


	25. What it sounds like when doves cry

A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry

**A/N: (Friday) Sorry, sorry, sorry! I know I promised an update sooner, but so much has been going on the past few days! Omg! I cleaned all day yesterday, went to the doctor, and hung out with Karlie. Hung out with Karlie today, went out to eat, and went to graduation. Came home and cleaned up the mess Karlie left. :D Review, please! I've noticed a decline in reviews on both of my stories. Not cool. Everyone's probably going to hate me for this chapter, but trust me guys, it has to get bad before it can get better. Please don't stop reading. Give it a few more chapters, and a proposal will be on the way, promise! Keep in mind, Mike was driving, but it was Lauren's car that was totaled.**

"Bella, sweetie, you need to get up. It's three in the afternoon."

Edward stared at my near-comatose form in desperation. As he had anticipated, I did not respond. I'd long given up on sleep. The dream—Lauren dead in the OR—had me waking up periodically, screaming as I had when Edward left.

His cold fingers stroked my cheek. "Baby, I'm so worried about you. Please let me bring you some food. I'll be sure to get something easy on your stomach. How about some vanilla ice cream? You know you love ice cream."

I smiled a fake smile and nodded slightly. "Ice cream sounds fine. I'm sorry, please don't be worried."

He leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Impossible."

"Go get my ice cream, mister," I commanded jokingly.

He raised his eyebrows in mock shock. "Yes, ma'am. I'll be right back. Do you want anything else while I'm downstairs?"

"Tell Jasper I could use some enthusiasm if he could spare it." I smiled weakly, and Edward nodded.

"I can handle it. I'll be right back."

No one had ever meant that statement as literally as Edward had. Before I had time to sit up in his bed, he was placing a blue bowl on the bedside table, and I felt like jumping into his arms, thanks to Jasper.

"Feeling better?" he asked as he sat with me, wrapping his arms around me.

"Much. Even if it is fake, I'll take this over the nightmare any day." I sighed and twisted into a more comfortable position against Edward's granite chest. "Thank you."

"For what?" He looked down at me, smiling his crooked little smile.

"For everything, silly! You're just so…perfect. You know that, of course, but sometimes I have to remind myself just how perfect you really are. So thank you."

"Well you're most certainly welcome, Bella. I love being able to do things for you. I was so accustomed to your furious protesting, this is really nice. I like being able to bring you breakfast in bed, make you lunch." He buried his face in my hair, smelling it, and kissed my head. "And I _love_ being able to make love to you in this bed."

I giggled. "Oh, do you, Mr. Prude?" I teased, turning over in his arms and climbing onto his chest. "I think I love that, too." I pushed myself up to kiss him.

"Hmm," he purred, "Would you love that right now?" He rolled us over blindingly fast so that he hovered over me.

I responded by pulling his gray t-shirt over his head. "I think I would."

He ripped off my shirt, and I fumbled with his belt. He finally helped me out, and pulled it off for himself. After pulling off my own pants, Edward kicked his to the floor. He kissed me roughly, pulling me closer to him. I pushed his boxers down, and he kicked them, too, off the bed. I didn't realize my panties were gone until Edward pushed two fingers into me. I moaned against his mouth; he growled low in my ear. I reached up to bite his neck, and he removed his fingers.

"I love you, Bella," he panted, pushing himself against me, though never entering. "Tell me you love me, please."

"I love you, Edward."

And then he was inside me. We both gasped breathlessly, and a low, soft moan escaped my lips. He reattached his lips to mine as his thrusts came faster and harder.

I didn't really think sex could be so loving before Edward. The way his hands roamed my body, it made me feel…special. Like I was his only reason for living, and that is an amazing thing to feel.

We climaxed simultaneously, and he moved so that we were lying side by side in bed. He got up for only a moment to put in CD in the stereo; his favorite Muse album wove serene notes in the air.

"Bella, I hate to mention it, but Carlisle wanted me to ask. Do you want to attend the funeral tonight?"

"It's tonight?" I asked in shock. "Why so soon?"

He sighed. "Lauren's parents just want to get it over with that much sooner. They couldn't stand to wait."

I deliberated a moment. "I should. It's only fair to her." I sighed. "I'll need to raid Alice's closet."

Jasper retrieved the key and carefully unlocked the large, thick doors. He flipped the light switch just to the left of the door, and row by row, the spotlights lit up the long halls of Alice's walk-in closet.

"Now," Jasper began, "the blacks are down the main hall, take a left, and open the black door, okay?"

I nodded and took a few steps forward. Jasper and Edward hung back. "Aren't you guys going with me? I need opinions, you know."

The guys looked to the floor. "We're not allowed in the closet."

"Uhm…why not?"

Edward scratched the back of his head. "We…may or may not have…uhm…played paintball in the closet…once or twice…"

I shook my head. "Unbelievable. If I'm not out in twenty, assume a Prada bag kidnapped me."

"Will do," Jasper laughed as the two went to sit by the computer.

I took the given directions, and opened the door to Alice's room of black clothes. I found the light switch, and flipped it. There were six black light bulbs down each of the two rows of clothes. I shook my head; how ridiculous my best friend could be. I pulled out dresses one by one and tried each on in front of Alice's multiple mirrors at the end of the farthest hall. After seventeen dresses, I settled on a tie-front halter dress. The soft cotton fell to my knees, and I paired it with black ballet flats.

"How do I look?" I asked the boys, modeling my outfit. "It took forever, but I think I might jack this."

"Go ahead, she wore it to a car auction once, and it's been in there for months. It looks better on you anyway," Edward said, wrapping his arms around me. "Are you sure you can do this tonight?"

I looked up and smiled sadly. "I have to try…for Lauren." Tears welled in my eyes again, and Edward pulled me closer against him, burying his face in my hair.

"Shh, Bella, it'll be okay, calm down, baby," he murmured, petting me. "Are you ready to go? The service starts at six."

"Yeah," I sighed, "let's go."

Big shocker: it was raining. Carlisle took us all in the Mercedes; Emmett rode shotgun, and I sat between Jasper and Edward in the backseat. Forks's one and only funeral home was, as expected, just off the highway about five minutes past the high school.

The residents of the small town, who thought me to be the flighty daughter of the chief and his flighty ex-wife, were kind enough to leave me be while I mourned, rather than ask why I was there. The only people I wanted to see stood at the front of the room with Lauren's parents; Mike, Jess, and Tyler leaned over the closed coffin crying.

I approached slowly, Edward by my side, and placed a hand on Tyler's shoulder. He sniffled, and turned around slowly to face me. Mike and Jessica followed his lead, and the boys looked shocked to see me; Jessica looked disgusted. Tyler and Mike said their greetings and asked why I was in Forks. I told them I'd gotten the call from Carlisle and got on the first flight from Jacksonville. They talked with Edward for a moment, and I went to stand by Jessica.

"Hello, Bella," she sneered. "It's so nice to see you."

"Uhm…hi, Jess. Listen, have I done something to offend you? You seem…quite different since I last saw you."

"It's all your fault!" she cried. "My best friend would still be here if you hadn't gotten us into such horrible things! Why did you do this to us?!"

Unbelievable. She wants everyone to think I did this to them. She wants to save her reputation. What a pathetic little cunt.

"Jessica," I said under my breath, "I will not do this with you here. I refuse to disrespect Lauren and her _real_ friends and family the way you have."

When I walked away, I wasn't surprised to hear hushed whispers and see all eyes on me. Edward caught up with me, and we took our seats with Carlisle.

"No one believes her, Bella," Edward whispered reassuringly. "They're all thinking about how horrible it was to do that to you, not to mention Lauren's parents."

"I'll be right back," I whispered, rising. I walked down the aisle toward the exit, being sure to stop where Mike sat. "Will you come with me for a minute?"

"Sure," he replied, smiling.

As we left, I saw Edward get up, but I gave him a stern look to let him know I would be okay. Jasper made him sit back down, as the service was officially beginning. Mike and I walked to his car, and I sat in the passenger seat.

"Listen," I began, "this is going to sound really weird, but don't think about anything I'm saying, okay? I really need a drink. Do you have anything with you right now?" I was ashamed, of course, but desperate times do call for desperate measures.

"Uhm…yeah, there's some vodka in the back from last night. Are you sure, though? Won't Cullen be pissed?"

"Mike," I said slowly through clenched teeth, "I need a drink. Edward is not important right now. I just lost one of my closest friends, and it really fucking hurts. Give me the vodka."

Without another word, Mike climbed over the driver's seat and retrieved a bottle of Goldschlager. Ah, my favorite.

I sighed. "Thank you. Now, could you do me one more favor? I need you to drive me to La Push."

He hesitated. "I don't know, Bella. I need to be here, but," he sighed, "I guess I could if we hurry."

He started the car, and sped off toward the one place where Edward couldn't reach me. I carefully thought out my plan as Mike drove in silence. I wouldn't touch a drop until I was safely on Quileute land. Edward had no reason to do anything until I drank. No one would be on the beach tonight; I remembered Charlie telling me something about a big party at Sam Uley's.

"Hey, Bells, I've got to get back." Mike's persistence broke me from my reverie.

"Right. Thanks for giving me a ride, Mike. And I'll pay you back for the vodka. I promise."

"Don't worry about it, Iz. I'll see you later, okay?"

I opened the passenger door. "Bye, Mike."

I hadn't noticed, but Mike had dropped me off just by the cliffs. I looked down at the black ocean, and walked down toward the beach. After finding a comfortable driftwood log, I sat down with my bottle. Tears pouring from my eyes, I opened the bottle.

It burned my throat like hell.

**A/N: Don't hate me, please! I have the rest of the story planned out entirely. It will be awesome, trust me! Next chapter up hopefully by Monday! Review!**


	26. I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

"She's been gone for an hour," I whispered urgently to Carlisle

**A/N: This is super short, but it's just a little look at Edward' POV as he scoured the earth looking for Bella. Enjoy, and the next chapter should be up soon!**

"She's been gone for an hour," I whispered urgently to Carlisle.

He sighed. "I know, but it would be very rude to just get up and leave right now. I'm sure she's fine. As dumb as he is, I doubt Mike's gotten her into too much trouble."

I listened intently for the ignorant boy's trivial thoughts. And suddenly, I had my answer. _Cullen is going to kill me. That's it. I'll be right next to Lauren by Friday. I shouldn't have taken her. He's going to kill me. I shouldn't have given her the vodka and just_ left_ her there. I'm an idiot. He's going to kill me, and I deserve it. Dammit._

"I have to go," I whispered, rising. "He took her to La Push. He…he gave her vodka." My voice was strained, and Carlisle sensed my urgency and pain.

"You can't go yet. Let me call Sam, and I'll have the wolves look for her." He read the shock and frustration etched in my features. "You can't just _go_, Edward. I have to get permission first, okay? Come on." He turned to tell Emmett and Jasper about the emergency, and we all made our hasty exit as the mourners prayed.

"I can't believe he would do that!" I screamed once we were a safe distance from the funeral home, driving toward the border. "Why would he just give her booze and drop her off in east Jesus nowhere?!" **(A/N: Yay Juno references!)**

"Calm down, Edward, we'll find her," Jasper said calmly, placing a hand on my shoulder from the backseat. "It's going to be okay."

"Why would she do this to me?!" I cried, dry tears wishing to fall. "Why did she do this?" My sobs quieted, and that god-forsaken dog finally answered his phone.

"Yes, Sam, this is Carlisle Cullen. We have an emergency. Yes, you see, Chief Swan's daughter is in La Push, and we desperately need to get to her. I was hoping you would be willing to do that for us, Mr. Uley, but my son desperately wishes to see her, and I was hoping you could let him cross the border." There was a short pause as the mongrel deliberated. "Thank you so much, Sam. You are truly a life-saver. Yes, of course I'll allow it. I'll see you soon, then."

"Well?" I urged, glancing quickly at the dashboard; we were coming up on 120.

"Sam has graciously decided to let us go out with the wolves to look for her. Emmett and Jasper will be waiting by the border. He's sending you out with Jacob Black; he knows her best of any of them. I'll be with Sam."

"Remind me to thank the pup later," I grumbled, checking the speed again. "Why are we slowing down?"

"Because we're here, Edward," Carlisle stated as if I should've understood immediately.

"Oh."

Carlisle and I got out of the car, Jasper and Emmett taking our seats in the front.

"How far is it to Sam's?" I asked, gearing to run.

"Not far if we run. Follow me."

The run took days, it seemed. Every step I took pushed Bella farther away; I would never reach my destination.

Then again, why should I want to? Bella betrayed me for alcohol, and that hurt. She chose, and she didn't choose me. But she would need my help. And I love her. I love her so much, and to know that she loves alcohol more than me…it caused an unbelievable pain. I should've known, though, that all things take time. Even forgiving me.

I was so lost in my own thoughts, I took no notice of the mongrels that had approached. Sam Uley and the one I remembered as Jacob Black, the one who had nearly killed Bella, were talking with Carlisle.

"I think we should take the woods, and Jake and Edward and take the beach. All the guys are running the borders and Forks. We'll find her in no time at all. No worries." Sam gave Carlisle a small, reassuring smile. "Jake, take Edward and go. Take her back to the house and stay with Emily if you find her."

Jacob nodded and looked over to me. "Think you can keep up, parasite?"

"Jake," Sam scolded.

I smirked. "I can if you can, Lassie."

I took off running, and Jacob was on my heels. We searched the beach high and low for nearly twenty minutes before we saw her. She sat on a driftwood log, a bottle cradled to her chest. She swayed back and forth, her eyes closed, until we stood in front of her.

"Uhm…hi, guys. I…I can explain."

**A/N: Enjoy it, homes! Review, review, review! And watch some Harry Potter movies, it's quite fun. :)**


	27. It might take some time to get it back

**A/N: I'm super excited, homes! I has Microsoft 2007! Yay! So pretty much, here it is. New chapter. There's probably only going to be about three or four more chapters. Then a sequel! Yay! Review, dudes!**

An entire bottle gone, and I felt nothing. Sure I felt a little woozy, but the pain was as fresh as ever, and I could rationalize as well as I could sober. I guess that's tolerance for ya.

The sun vanished below the murky waters, and I sat on the log in the dark, hoping that by some miracle Mike would come along with a few more bottles and a pack of cigarettes. I began singing a familiar Johnny Cash song as I sat, swaying back and forth. Once I realized I could only remember the first verse, I settled to continue swaying with my eyes closed.

The sound of shifting sand wafted through my ears, and I looked up into two familiar faces—both contorted in anger and worry.

"Uhm…hi, guys. I…I can explain." I smiled stupidly, attempting to calm Edward and Jacob. Wait…Edward? In La Push? "How are you even here?" My brow furrowed as I looked up into his angry black eyes.

"Carlisle placed a special order with Sam Uley. Though I hardly feel you're in the condition to be asking questions here, Isabella. Come on, now. Jacob is supposed to take you to Sam's house until everyone can get back. Uhm…Jacob…do you need to, uhh, you know, go now?"

"Yeah," Jacob sighed. "I have to let him know we found her. The pack plural will be the easiest way. Hold this for me?" Jake took his shirt off and darted off toward the woods, a howl echoing down the beach a few moments later.

"You, my dear, are in monumental trouble. Just you wait until we get home," Edward threatened, picking me up into his arms.

"I'm sorry," I muttered over and over as he carried me up the beach in the direction Jacob ran. "I just needed an escape. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I began crying and pouting like a child guilty of stealing from the cookie jar.

Edward showed complete indifference. "Hush, now. We don't need you scaring Emily when we get there. Just calm down. We'll talk about this later, you needn't worry about that."

Jake returned from the woods and asked Edward for his shirt. Edward obliged, and Jake led him in the direction of the house.

"How far is it, Jacob?"

"If we run it shouldn't take any longer than…two minutes, maybe. You think she can handle it?" Jacob stabbed his thumb in my direction, his gaze never wavering.

Edward nodded and looked down at me. "Bella, close your eyes. I'll have you on a comfortable couch with some coffee in no time, okay?"

I buried my face in his chest, and I could feel the wind beating harder against me as he ran. Two minutes later, as Jacob had predicted, the wind stopped and a door creaked open. I peaked, and saw the familiar woman with the three scars marring her beautiful skin. Emily's face was masked with worry as she showed the boys into the living room. Edward laid me gently on the couch and retreated to the kitchen with Jacob and Emily.

"What happened?" Emily asked the boys in a hushed whisper, assuming I couldn't hear her.

The boys made the same assumption. "She's drunk," they murmured at the same time. I could sense their tension as they probably glared at one another in discomfort.

"Oh, my God," Emily hissed. "Well, here, get her some coffee. Here." I could hear the coffee pour into a cup and heavy footsteps coming toward the doorway.

Jake came and sat on the chair next to me, placing the cup gently on the coffee table. "How are you feeling?"

"Uhm…drunk?" We both laughed carelessly at the statement. "No, I'm fine."

Jacob's usually cherubic face became abruptly somber. "Why are you here Bella?" he asked, gently taking my hand into his unnaturally warm one.

"Comic relief," I said casually. "At least that's the way it seems."

"No, I mean, why are you in La Push with a bottle of vodka? It hardly seems like you. Dad told me Charlie said you were doing so much better. I don't want you to be like you were a few months ago. It really scared me to see you at Christmas."

"I know I'm an idiot, Jake." I sighed. "Lauren went and died on me, and it was hard." I shrugged. "I'm just not good with dealing with things, I guess."

"Damn right you're not," he muttered, reaching for the television remote. He turned the channel to ESPN and watched baseball scores as I sat up to drink my coffee.

Emily and Edward continued talking in the kitchen as Jake and I sat in comfortable silence. A few minutes passed uninterrupted before the door was nearly ripped off its hinges by its owner. Sam burst through the door, Carlisle behind him, and sighed in relief when he saw me.

"Charlie's going to kill you if Billy finds out," Sam informed me, joining me on the couch. "What're we watching, Jake?"

The pack filed in a few minutes later, and Carlisle announced our departure almost immediately. It was obviously uncomfortable for the vamps to be outnumbered.

"Thank you for all your help, Sam. I owe you one." Carlisle firmly shook Sam's hand as we made our hasty exit.

"I'll remember that," Sam laughed as he was closing his door. "And we'll try and keep this from the chief as best we can."

"Thanks, Sam," Edward called back as he picked me up into his arms again. "Are you ready?"

I nodded and ducked my head into his chest again. It felt like no time at all when he was dropping me again and I was sitting in the back of the Mercedes between my two angry brothers; Emmett and Jasper hadn't yet mastered the art of indifference.

"So…" I began in an attempt to ease the tension, "have you guys heard that new David Cook song? It's really pretty. I heard it on the radio earlier."

"Bella, shut up."

"Sorry, Emmett. Geez. Let me know when you get off the rag." I crossed my arms over my chest angrily and glared at him.

Jasper chuckled. "Nice."

"Bella, are you hungry?" Carlisle asked as he made the familiar turn into the woods that led to the house. "I'd be happy to send one of the boys out to get you something."

"Do we have any bagels?" I responded. "I could really go for a bagel right now."

"Of course," he laughed. "There's regular and blueberry. I'll send some up to Edward's room for you." He killed the engine of the Mercedes. "Would you like them toasted?"

The boys were already in the house by the time I answered Carlisle as we strolled up the walkway to the house. "Yes, thank you. I guess I have to go talk to Edward now." I sighed, and Carlisle gently pushed me ahead of him toward the staircase.

Edward had already changed into a white t-shirt and sweat pants by the time I made it to his room. He stood, stiff, in the middle of the room. His arms were crossed tightly over his chest, his muscles flexed in frustration. "Bella…we need to talk."

I sat down on the black leather couch. "I figured as much," I mumbled. I sighed. "Go ahead. I'm sure you've got much more to say than I do. All I really needed to do was apologize. I did that at the beach, so…" I trailed off, willing him to start.

"I can't do this anymore, Bella."

I fought back all visible emotion. "Edward," I sighed. "Please don't do this again. You promised you wouldn't leave me again. I need you." The alcohol assisted in my indifferent reaction.

"I'm not going anywhere. I won't do that to my family again. But I think it would be best if you went back to Charlie's. I'm sorry, Bella, but I can't be with you like this." He came to sit with me. "You chose. Unfortunately, you didn't choose me. But I suppose this shouldn't surprise me," he mused. "I knew it shouldn't have been so easy for you to forgive me."

Tears spilled unwillingly down my cheeks. "So you don't want to be with me, but you're going to stay here and throw it in my face every day that I'm not good enough for you because it wasn't so fucking 

simple for me to recover from four months of heavy drinking? That hardly seems fair, Edward. This is my first slip-up, mind you." I looked up at him through my lashes angrily.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I just…I don't see how this can work if you're going to run away from me for a drink every time something bad happens. It won't work."

"I gave you a second chance. I don't see why it would be so hard to offer the same courtesy to me."

I stood up and walked out of the room. Edward let me go with no more than an exasperated sigh. I had every intention of going home to Charlie's, though I had no means of transportation aside from walking. The boys ignored me as I slammed the door and started down the long driveway. I made it to the bridge, a ten minute walk, before I heard footsteps behind me.

"Bella," Jasper called, "come back to the house. Edward went out." He picked up his pace to catch up to me, as I showed no sign of slowing. "Come on, Bella. You're not walking all the way home. I'll take you in the morning. He won't be back from hunting until tomorrow afternoon," he added once he saw my horrified glare. "Don't you still want that bagel?" he tempted, smiling warmly at me.

"Thanks, Jasper," I sighed, leaning into the arm he draped carefully around my shoulders. "You sure you can handle this, though?"

"Of course, Bella. Otherwise, I would've sent Emmett after you. I practiced a lot while we were away. No worries. Do you mind if we run? I'm sorry, but your pace is agonizingly slow."

"Sure, Jasper."

He held his arms out for me, and I gladly obliged; my feet were tired. I closed my eyes, and he was running. I heard the front door open, and Carlisle questioned Jasper, making sure I was okay.

"She's fine. I'm going to take her upstairs and let her change, okay?"

I opened my eyes and looked up at the men. "I can walk, Jasper. It's okay."

He hesitantly set me down, and I dashed up the stairs for my sweats. I changed and packed my things in Edward's room and the guest room. I was careful not to linger in the bathroom or by his bed—where we'd shared our most intimate moments. When the girls returned, I knew what would have to be done, but I tried not to linger on that thought very long.

I stopped by Esme's room and dropped the last of my home-school assignments on her desk. Hopefully I could get my diploma, though it sounded like a good idea to go back and try another hand at my senior year.

Amazingly, the boys were excellent cooks. My bagel was toasted to perfection, smothered in cream cheese. I even got a tall glass of apple juice to accompany it. Once my dinner was out of the way, I broke down in tears—something the guys had been expecting from the moment Jasper carried me in.

"Why can't I have another chance?" I asked rhetorically as I cried, the three of them trying their best to comfort me.

I cried myself out, and almost fell asleep wedged between Carlisle and Jasper on the couch before my phone rang. I flipped it open and read the text message from Renee.

_Sorry about your friend, hon. Dr. Cullen called this morning. We'll be home tomorrow. Ily! Goodnight! _

I didn't bother to reply, but climbed the stairs and crashed on the bed in the guest room, my pillow soaked with tears once I finally managed to fall asleep.

**A/N: Each chapter probably makes you guys hate me more and more. And the next will be the same. But then it'll get better. And then I'll get to start on a sequel. :D Review!!**


	28. Slow down you crazy child

**A/N: I came up with a wonderful title for the sequel. :D And it even keeps to the whole 'Taking Back Sunday songs' theme: You Need Me Like a Bad Habit. What do you think? Last hate-me chapter, homes. Then it'll get better again, and no one will be upset with me (or Edward). That poor boy. You guys really let him have it. :D He's offended.**

The bed was shaking me awake.

"Get up! Get up! Get up! We_ have_ to talk! Isabella Marie Swan, wake up! We _need_ to talk! Bella! I bought you new clothes! You drank last night! Edward's a fucking jerk! You've _got_ to get up!" Alice bounced once more, and landed with an 'umph' on her bottom next to me.

"Alice," I groaned, "hangover. Let me sleep. I'm not up for a homicide today."

She scoffed. "Like you could even begin to try and kill me. God, you've been asleep forever. I've been sitting here for hours."

"An hour," I begged. "Then you can talk yourself to death for all I care." I sighed and curled into the pillow again.

She not-so-graciously obliged, and my dreams made me regret my persistence for sleep.

_I was in the forest again, just after Edward left. Too much time passed for it to be the same nightmare I had before. I lay, crumpled up on the ground, for what felt like days. Perhaps it was days…_

_I hummed my lullaby to myself while I waited for Sam to find me, like he had before. I should've woken up already. Finally, a twig broke in the distance. Leaves shuffled, and from the darkness of the woods, Lauren came to sit by me. I didn't look up, but she stared at me intently, a gentle smile plastered to her face. Being Lauren, she didn't tolerate the silence for long._

_She recited her monologue from our first friendly encounter. "Bella, I know you've had a hard time lately. We just wanted to invite you to our party this weekend. It'll help take your mind off that bastard." Her warm smile was in place, just like always. From beside her, she pulled out a vodka bottle and a pack of cigarettes—the same ones from our first party. "Have fun, babe. The real party's tomorrow."_

I woke screaming. I shot straight up in the bed, beads of sweat decorating my forehead. Alice sat calmly beside me.

"Bad dreams?" she guessed, placing a cool hand on my forehead. It helped.

"Yeah," I sighed. "The worst."

She nodded in understanding. "You should come downstairs. Everyone would like to see you. And I would like to ask about a certain decision you made last night—one pertaining to, oh, I don't know, leaving with your mom?!"

I groaned. "Could you please refrain from yelling? It would be a monumental help."

"Is that all you have to say for yourself?" she hissed. "You can't possibly be considering going to Florida, Bella!"

"Yes, I am. I need to get out of here, Alice. This place…it's…I can't handle this anymore. I need to get away. Please, try and understand," I pleaded, finally waking up.

She sighed. "You can't leave me, Bella. We both know how hard it is for the two of us to be apart. We're best friends!"

"Alice," I murmured, shocked, "you don't actually think I would stop talking to you, do you? I'll be calling so much, you won't even be able to miss me." I took her hands. "Who could live without their other half?"

She smiled sadly. "It won't be the same! Ugh, why did your mom have to live in Florida? Jazz and I would be on the next flight with you if we could."

I laughed. "I think we'll make it, Alice. Come on, let's get downstairs. I missed you guys a lot. I needed you yesterday."

"Sorry," she sang, "I had some shopping to do. And boy, did I find some _great_ things for you. You are going to love me so much."

And I did. She bought clothes for me that were actually comfortable, but still looked good. Among the pile of clothes I found a sundress, two pairs of boyfriend jeans, and—especially for me—a new pair of sweats.

After our detour to her room, Alice and I joined the family in the kitchen. As Jasper had said, Edward was nowhere to be seen, still. I felt no less than awkward walking into the room—everyone's eyes on me, all filled with pity. All motion came to a halt as I approached, and I felt my cheeks flush as Renee's coffee cup stopped, mid-air on its way to the table.

"Morning," I said quietly, averting my eyes.

"Afternoon," Renee corrected. "How are you feeling, honey?" She came to stand next to me in front of the sink.

"I'm fine," I lied as I turned around to find some aspirin in the cabinet behind me. "I just have a little headache, is all. Hey, mom, could I talk to you upstairs for a minute?"

"Sure," she said with a shrug of her shoulders, "we'll be right back."

I led her up the stairs to Carlisle's study—the only sound-proof room in the home. I hoped that Alice would keep her vision to herself until I could tell the family on my own accord. We sat in the chairs in front of Carlisle's desk, and I took her hand, staring at her intently.

"I want to move to Florida with you. Don't totally freak out or anything, it might just be for the summer. But I was thinking about maybe trying twelfth grade again. Can I come stay with you?"

Her eyes were wide and twinkling with joy. "Absolutely, Bella! Phil and I would love to have you back. Have you talked to your father about this? What about Dr. Cullen? Do you think you can handle this, Bella?" she asked, never pausing for me to answer.

I giggled. "Slow down, mom. No, I haven't spoken to either of them yet. And I'm positive I can handle this. Getting out of Forks is exactly what I need."

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"You're sure about this, Bella?" Carlisle asked, narrowing his eyes slightly. "You know I'll worry sick all the time and call constantly, right?" He smiled and hugged me. "Don't worry about the bags, Renee; I'll have the boys get them."

The cab sat in front of the house beside the vacant Volvo. The driver waited impatiently as I said my tearful goodbyes by the door. Emmett and Jasper had already wished me well and given me hugs, and had followed Carlisle's orders to retrieve our bags.

Esme stepped forward with a sad smile. "You can't know how sad it is to let you go, Bella. Edward will come around, I promise." She sighed. "Well, maybe he'll learn now. Keep in touch, dear, please. We love you, Bella." She sniffled, hugged me, and went to stand by her husband as Alice and Rosalie came over.

Rosalie went first. "My brother's an idiot—we both know that. But this makes me think you might be, too." She smiled sadly. "It sucks to see you go, I must admit. I was actually beginning to get used to having you around." She hugged me awkwardly and retreated to Emmett's arms.

I sighed and walked the short distance to Alice where she stood, pouting. Rather than ruin myself with words, I threw my arms around my tiny best friend and squeezed her tightly. We both began to cry—loudly—and we held each other tighter.

"I love you, Alice. I'll call you every day, I promise." I sniffled again. "We're pathetic," I laughed.

"Yeah," she sighed. "We kinda are. But it's okay. I love you, too, Bella. You better call. Don't think I won't be on the first flight to Jacksonville if you don't." She winked at me and pushed me toward the taxi where Renee was waiting.

"Ready?" She smiled at me as I closed the door and waved my final goodbyes to my family—to my former way of being. One more detour and I would be on my way to my new life.

"Yeah. Let's go see Charlie."

The ride didn't take long enough. All too soon for my liking, we were lurching to stop in front of my father's small home. The Volkswagen Rabbit beside the cruiser made me think this would be harder than necessary—having to see Jake and Billy when I leave. Then again, I needed to say to them my goodbyes.

Renee sat in the cab while I went inside. I took a deep breath and reassured myself before opening the door. Quietly, I made my way through the living room, eavesdropping.

"I just can't believe it. He was just fine last week when we went fishing." Charlie heaved a heavy sigh.

"I know, Charlie," Billy murmured. "But, these things happen."

I interrupted their conversation with my presence. Billy and Charlie sat at the kitchen table while Jake leaned casually against the counter, all three of their expressions pained. Charlie looked up in surprise.

"Hey, Bells. What are you doing here? Is anyone with you?" He became slightly panicked.

"No, Dad, I'm alone. I just…I needed to talk to you. But I can wait. You guys were obviously talking about something." I awkwardly nodded my head and pressed my lips together. "So I'll let you get to that."

"Yeah," Billy agreed, "Jake, why don't you go watch some TV with Bella or something? You've already heard all this. I won't make you listen again. Go on, now."

Jake uncrossed his stiff arms and came to stand by me. I didn't move for a minute—I needed to ask Charlie something.

"Hey, Dad?" He looked up at me. "Do you mind if Jake comes upstairs with me for a minute? I need to get something out of my room."

He sighed and ran a hand over his tired-looking face. "Yeah, go ahead. Get whatever you need."

"Thanks, Dad!"

I didn't speak until I'd closed my bedroom door. Tears silently fell, and I turned immediately away from Jacob—walking straight to the rain-covered window. I heard his heavy footsteps pick up and cross the small distance my tiny room put between us. He placed a warm hand on my shoulder.

"What's wrong, Bella?" he asked anxiously. "Bells, look at me." He turned me around to face him, my tears flowing like a stinking river.

"I'm leaving, Jake," I sobbed, collapsing on his fiery chest. "I'm going to Florida with my mom."

"What?" he breathed in shock. "You…you can't be. I mean, you can't let that mosquito drive you away from your home."

My wide eyes bored into his. "How did you…?"

"He called Sam last night. Said he needed to make a quick run through to get out." He shrugged. "Sam drove him. It was pretty funny, actually. He drove about as slow as your decrepit truck moves. Sam was pretty pissed that he broke up with you, still is."

I averted my eyes from his smoldering dark ones. "So, ah, what's going on downstairs?"

Jacob sighed and I could see a small tear form in his eye. "Harry Clearwater died this morning." He ran a hand through his shaggy black hair.

My breath hitched in my throat. "What?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "Sue called this morning at seven. He had a heart attack. Bella, I can trust you, right?" I could barely manage a nod. "Seth and Leah…they phased. That's what triggered it."

My eyes bulged. "Seth and Leah are wolves now, too?"

He nodded. "We thought only guys phased. That, and the fact that Seth is so young…it was just too much on him."

"Wow," I breathed, sitting on the bed. "I can't leave now. He's going to need me. I can't just leave Charlie when he just lost one of his best friends. I'll be right back. I need to get my bags out of Renee's cab." I jumped up, and Jake tried to stop me.

"Bella, don't make such rash decisions all the time. You can't always babysit Charlie. If this is what _you_ need, then you go to Florida."

I sighed. "It's a good thing Carlisle's paying for the cab; this is taking longer than I had expected."

He laughed. "Come on, let's go talk to Charlie."

"Let me grab some stuff first. I need a few things to take to Jacksonville." I grabbed my bag of toiletries from beneath the bed and stuffed a few important things into my duffle. I sighed and Jake gave me a reassuring smile, guiding me toward the stairs.

Billy and Charlie were quietly watching an old football game on ESPN classics. Neither seemed too enthralled in the game, and their pained expressions had yet to fade. They didn't look up as we took up spots on the love seat, and I had to try a few times to grab Charlie's attention.

"Yeah, Bella?" he asked after my third try.

"Dad, what would you think about…about me going to Florida with Renee for a while?" I tensed, awaiting a reaction.

His expression was immobile. "What brought this on, Bella?"

I took a deep, much-needed breath. "Edward and I broke up."

His face went purple. "That no-good son-of-a-bitch left you again?!" he shouted, infuriated.

"Technically, no," I explained. "No one's leaving…except maybe me. If you need me to stay here, though, I'd be glad to, Dad. I understand if you need some help around here. Jake told me what happened. I'm here if you need me, Dad."

"Bella," he sighed. "You're not my mother. I think Florida would be great for you. Forks is not the best place for you right now—I understand that. Besides, I'm probably going to be in La Push most of the time for a while. Helping Sue and such. I want you to be happy, Bells. Is that why that damn taxi has been outside for half an hour now? You're costing your mother a fortune, you know." He smiled—the first one I'd seen in a while.

"Carlisle's paying our cab fare, no worries," I laughed, rising to go hug my father. He welcomed me with open arms, and I sat on his lap.

"I'll miss you, kid. Don't stay gone too long, okay?" He patted my back.

"Couldn't if I wanted to," I promised. "Well, Billy, I'm really sorry about Harry, and I'll see you in a few months or so, okay?"

"We'll miss ya around here, Bells. But you do what's good for you. We'll be checking in on you, okay?"

"Sure thing." I stood to walk to the door with my bags in tow, Jake and Charlie close behind. I hugged Jake and promised to keep in touch. I told Charlie I'd call when we landed, and I went back to the cab, much to the driver's satisfaction.

"You ladies are costing yourselves a fortune," he laughed as he drove us as quickly as speed would allow to Port Angeles.

We had to be at the airport by six, after all.

**A/N: Hate me, go ahead. But express that raw, evil hate in the form of a review. :)**


	29. All we know is falling

**A/N: EPOV is always so short. He's just not very interesting, is he? Baha. Well, you guys will probably like Edward a lot more after this chapter. So get to reading! Oh, yeah, my birthday is Friday, so if I don't update by then, which I probably won't, be sure to send me lots of birthday wishes! Love you all, and so does Edward!**

I tapped the cell phone gently against my chin. The numbers on the screen taunted me, calling me an idiot. I sighed and gave up, pressing send. Sam Uley must make it a habit to let his phone ring long enough for someone to kill themselves, should they so choose.

Finally, the bastard answered. "Hello?" he asked, dazed.

I tired to make my tone as cheerful as I could manage. "Sam, Edward Cullen here. Listen, I need one more favor tonight, and I promise I'll leave you alone."

"Yeah?"

"I need to pass through La Push. You see, I'm going away for a few days—need to clear my head. You think that'd be alright?"

He grunted, and I could envision him getting out of his bed angrily and ripping a few shirts in an attempt to get dressed. "And why, might I ask, do you need to come through enemy territory?"

I tensed and hesitated, but I knew it best to tell as much of the truth as possible. "Just…a little trouble at home, is all." I laughed nervously.

"What kind of trouble, kid? You know we need to know these sorts of things."

I sighed, defeated. "I broke up with Bella, and I'm heading out of here to hunt. I'm not hunting in La Push, Sam; don't choke on your spit or whatever. It's just the best way to get out of here."

Sam growled almost inaudibly into the phone; static ensued. "Em, I'll be back in a few, okay?" he whispered to his fiancée before returning the phone to his ear. "You broke up with Bella? Cullen, you know she's pretty important to us on the rez, and if you hurt her as bad as last time, your ass is ours. You realize this, don't you?"

I exhaled heavily. "Yes, Sam, I know. My family isn't going anywhere, and I'll still be keeping a close eye on her, as will the rest of my family. It just didn't work."

"Fine," he growled, "you see to that. I'll meet you at the border in five."

Confusion settled in. "Why are you meeting me? I can make it through La Push, you know. It's a pretty straight shot."

He chuckled. "Now what kind of host would I be if I didn't guide our guest through my home?"

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His car looked to be older than Bella's, as hard as that was to believe. Her name made me hurt. To think of it nearly brought me to non-existent tears. The smell of her hair was still fresh in my nostrils, and every part of me ached to touch her silky skin again. I tried to shake these thoughts from my mind, convincing myself that it just wasn't meant to be, that we just needed to get along with our lives, and she could maybe find normalcy as a human. But warm, painful memories kept coming back.

The roar of the ancient engine shook away my desires. Sam drove through La Push, pointing out every tiny detail of his history through something he saw on the side of the road. The needle never pushed itself past 40 mph, and I nearly pulled my hair out, waiting.

And waiting.

And waiting.

An hour later, Sam was dropping me off, and I was running as fast as my feet would carry me away from him and his stupid car. He smiled convincingly, though I knew his every thought—something he'd obviously over-looked. That was his payback for everything that had happened with Bella, and it pained him just as much to drive so slowly.

Morning was already upon me as I approached Goat Rocks. An overwhelming sense of loneliness crashed into me as I stood upon the edge of a hill, looking down at the multitude of trees below. The sun was just stretching across the horizon, and the brightness was nearly blinding. I shook my head of the memory of Bella in the meadow and retreated to the forest in order to fulfill my original intention for coming.

I sat on a rock after I'd satiated my thirst. My iPod sat sullenly in my pocket, so I pulled it out and pounded the center button as the scroll landed on shuffle. Grunge music blasted into my ears too loudly; I turned the volume down considerably so that it was background music to the sounds of nature engulfing me.

I don't know how long I sat there, pictures of Bella flashing through my mind in a slideshow. Every single memory was laid out in a painful blur before me during the course of the afternoon: the first time I saw her, taking her to the nurse's office, our first date after she was nearly attacked in Port Angeles, the meadow, her waking up in the hospital in Phoenix, the day I left. I shivered at the thought.

I turned off the music. Every song, in some way, reminded me of Bella. I settled, instead, on watching a few episodes of Bones. After two episodes, I glanced at the clock on the top bar. It read 3:47, and I decided to leave early to avoid having to go through La Push again.

Despite the distance, I was soon running through the encroaching forests of the city of Forks. I stopped in a small clearing of trees to check the time. I'd managed to waste nearly two hours of my time, as my phone read 5:20. I approached the house slowly, having scanned the thoughts burning from within.

_I'm going to kill him_, Emmett growled in his mind, envisioning my limbs spread across the living room furniture.

_I'm going to help Emmett kill him,_ Rosalie thought in a calmer tone, simultaneously thinking about how beautiful she looks with an evil smirk.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and continued through the house.

_I hope she got everything_, Jasper sighed as he helped Esme change the sheets in the guest bedroom.

_You really messed up this time, Edward_, Alice informed me, watching me disapprovingly from her window.

_I still can't believe she's gone_, Carlisle and Esme thought in unison.

So she had gone back to Charlie's, then. Good. It would kill me all over again to have to go into that house and face her again. This would be much easier.

I headed up the front steps, and all movement and voices inside came to a stand-still. However, when I opened the front door, I looked into four angry faces and two sad, disappointed ones. Carlisle placed a hand on Emmett's chest as I made a movement to speak, as he was planning his attack again.

"I'm sorry, guys," I whimpered. "I just couldn't do it."

"You are an idiot," Emmett roared. "She messed up _once_, just like you." He showed me his memories of her broken, crying form from the former night in his mind, and I cringed.

"Now, Emmett, calm down." Rosalie placed a hand gingerly on his burly shoulder. "Bella's gone now, and he won't hurt her anymore." She finished her speech with a glare thrown in my direction.

I sighed and Jasper shot me a disgusted look. "You don't even care that she left, do you?"

"What?" I asked innocently. "She's just over at Charlie's. If I want—,"

"She's not at Charlie's," Alice informed me coldly. "You,"—she poked my chest accusingly—"drove my best friend all the way across the country to Jacksonville, Florida."

I froze. Jacksonville? When…

"The flight leaves at seven," Alice murmured, answering my unasked question. "Better hurry if you have any shot of catching her, moron."

I didn't bother with any of them further. I shoved myself between my brothers to run up to my room. I retrieved my desired object and dashed out the door at full speed with my keys in hand. The Volvo purred to life, and I gunned it as fast as I could to Port Angeles.

I had to be at the airport by six, after all.

**A/N: Does everyone love me now? He's going after her. But will he make it? You don't know. I know. I'll probably inform you all by Saturday. I probably won't write on my birthday, since my parents are encouraging me to do something 'fun.' Honestly, I'm kinda like Bella when it comes to birthdays. I'd rather just treat it like any other day. Unless I don't want Edward driving me home. Baha. Hopefully I won't get left in the forest Friday. If I do, you guys send Solomon Trimble and Seth Clearwater after me, okay? Thanks. :)**


	30. I'm all over you, I'm not over you

**A/N: OMG! I was literally shaking when I got closer to the end! Excitement! Ok, so now you'll all get to find out if he makes it or not! Ugh, I'm not happy about this, because I have to switch POV mid-chapter, and I really freaking hate that. #&#! So, after I finish this story, I'm taking a week-long break. :D Then I'll jump back in with the first chapter of our amazing sequel. I'd like to get to 600 reviews by the end of this chapter, so review plentifully!**

**BPOV**

I couldn't stop crying, and I hated it. I had banged my head against the window a few times before the driver started complaining about it. I wasn't entirely sure why I was crying, though. Sure, I was sad about leaving everyone and everything I knew behind. But that wasn't a primary thought as my tears stained the collar of my shirt. Sadly, my main thought was Edward. I didn't care if he didn't want to be with me—I needed him. Why was I running away?

"Bella," Renee murmured, gently touching my shoulder. "We're almost there, Bella. Do you want to stop and get some dinner?"

"Sure," I said quietly, wiping my eyes. "I just realized I haven't eaten today," I chuckled.

Renee smiled sadly at me and petted my hair. "Are you sure you can do this, Bella? I know you better than you think. I wonder, can you leave him behind?" she stared intently, willing to lift the answers from my eyes.

I sobbed loudly. "How can you know all this?" I asked in desperation as the driver pulled into the McDonald's parking lot. "You're too good."

She laughed. "What can I say? I'm a mom; I know my girl." Her following smile seemed sweeter, happier, and I couldn't help but let the faintest trace of a smile light my own features.

"I think I can handle it, Mom. There's only one way to find out, though. Now let's go eat; I hate wasting Carlisle's money on my tears." We laughed, though it sounded forced, awkward; sad.

"Well, come on, then." She turned her attention back to the irritable driver. "We'll be right back."

We half-ran across the slick, wet parking lot in an attempt to please our stomachs. I reached the door first, and kindly held it open for my mother. Luckily, the line was short, and we quickly purchased two McChicken sandwiches and a medium fry to share. The order was to-go, so we ate quickly as we approached the airport.

Our cab fair totaled an ungodly amount. Thankfully, Carlisle had thought to loan us plenty. Of course, it was probably Alice's doing to begin with. No matter, Renee had to use nearly all of the money he'd given her, against her strongest wishes that he keep it. He said she was being silly, and that it was mere pocket change. Renee didn't realize how literal he'd been.

We got to the airport five minutes before six. Renee and I dragged our luggage—three large, rolling suitcases—to the terminal and sat patiently, waiting. My mother fidgeted anxiously for nearly ten minutes before saying another word.

"I'm bored," she groaned, much like a child.

I laughed. "Same old mom. You'll never change, will you?" I smiled warmly.

She ignored my question. "What should we do to pass the time?"

I smirked. "How do you feel about a game of truth or dare?"

In the end, Renee and I humiliated ourselves. Nearly an hour we spent doing outrageous things, each one more embarrassing as the last. I argued with a worker at the airport café that they did indeed have the Big Mac on their menu; Renee had laid limp and silent on the bathroom floor, pretending to have hit her head on the dryer above her. We stood on the flimsy plastic chairs in the center of the terminal singing Def Leppard at the tops of our lungs, earning many odd looks and laughs.

We ran out of fun things to do by 6:45. I pulled out my favorite Harry Potter book—The Order of the Phoenix—to pass the short time until we boarded. I'd only read a few pages, though, before my child-like mother was disturbing me again.

"Phil is going to be so surprised to see you," she gushed. "We've both really missed you, you know. You can't know how excited I am to have you back for a while, Bella." She became suddenly somber; typical Renee.

"But I can't help but worry about how well you'll adjust. I…I have my doubts about you leaving Edward. The two of you…it's like nothing I've ever seen before. He loves you so much, no matter what he says or does—I can promise you that." She sighed. "I just can't imagine feeling like I've taken you away from that. Are you absolutely sure this is what you want, Bella?"

I contemplated that for a moment. Was it? Did I have another choice? I knew the answer to that. I couldn't get up every day in that rainy town—the memories of Lauren and Edward cutting me open every morning. I couldn't just pass Edward on the street and not crumple up on the sidewalk right in front of him. Jacksonville was my best—my only—option.

I raised my fallen gaze to stare, with no doubt, at my mother. "I'm sure this is just what I want—what I need."

She was about to respond, but a loud, booming voice interrupted her. "Flight 180 to Jacksonville has been delayed one hour," a woman's voice informed kindly, followed by a crackling discord.

"Perfect," I groaned. "Well, do you want to run through the parking lot in your underwear? I think that was the next dare on the list."

"No, I want to talk to you about this, Bella. I can't help but feel that you're just running from him because you still love him. I won't let you do that, young lady. I'll piss off another cab driver to get you back to Forks—don't think I won't," she threatened with a laugh.

I smiled to add to my charade. "Don't worry, Mom. I think, even though I love him, maybe I'm better off without Edward." Of course, she knew as well as I did that I was lying through my teeth. She said nothing, though. "I just need my time to think things through. And maybe when I go back to see Dad, I won't feel a thing when I see him."

Renee snorted. "You should know better than that. You can't fool me."

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**EPOV**

Stupid cars. Stupid, unreliable human cars. I groaned and complained and beat my head against the steering wheel—gently, so not to cause permanent damage to the automobile—as I waited for stupid, unreliable roadside service.

Stupid Alice. Stupid Rosalie. Stupid Alice should've seen it coming, and she should've sent stupid Rosalie with me so she could fix the stupid, defective car. The stupid human wouldn't get here—in the middle of the woods, no less —for another half hour.

My stupid cell phone rang. It was that stupid Alice. "Why are you sitting on the side of the road beating your head against the steering wheel?!" she shrieked into the phone angrily.

I sighed in frustration. "So you see the aftermath, but you don't see the stupid car overheating, huh?"

There was a long pause. "ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?! Ugh, you're lucky the flight was delayed an hour. Why aren't you running?"

I calmed myself entirely before responding. "Well, Alice, in case you've forgotten, most humans are unaware of our existence. I feel it would probably surprise a few people to see me running at my normal speed through the streets of Port Angeles, don't you think?"

"Well, Edward, for God's sake, you have to run at least part of the way. Run through the forest until you get to the city, and then you can run like the little humans do the rest of the way, idiot!"

"And you expect me to just leave my car sitting here in the middle of the forest?!"

She sighed as if I should understand. "I'll go to your car, sweetheart," she said as if she was speaking to a toddler. "I'll beat the itty bitty tow truck, too." Her tone changed. "Now get your ass out of the car and GO!"

I did as commanded.

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**BPOV**

We were extremely bored. There was still half an hour to wait until the flight was boarding, and we had nothing to do but sit in the terminal and have thumb wars. Renee even painted her toes while waiting. Finally, though, our flight was boarding. We were amongst the last ones in the line of passengers, due to an intense arm wrestling session we'd been involved in.

Soon, more and more people began lining up, and the passengers seemed to wind through half the airport.

"Bella, I'll be right back. This is taking forever." Renee pushed herself past the people in front of us, explaining she just needed to speak to the attendant momentarily.

My face was buried in Harry Potter again when my phone started buzzing. The screen informed me that I'd just received a text message from Renee.

_Ugh! They pushed me onto the plane. I'll save you a seat._

I sighed and snapped the phone shut, shuffling ahead as passengers moved forward. I was just about to hand the flight attendant my ticket when I heard a muffled argument taking place at the back of the line. I couldn't mistake the musical voice.

"You don't understand! I need to talk to someone! I just bought a ticket so I could talk to her! I'm not getting on the damn plane!"

I turned around, confusion etched into my features. There, at the back of the line, the golden eyes of my knight in shining armor twinkled toward me.

"Bella!" he shouted.

I excused myself through passengers, not caring that I would never be near Renee on the flight now. Apparently he had something to say. Maybe I forgot my socks… His reason for needing to talk to me wasn't all that important, though. It was just the fact that he did. Several people sighed and shuffled forward as I pushed past them, already annoyed by the long wait. Finally, though, I made it back to him, and his crooked grin was undeniably beautiful when I did.

He looked down and back up quickly, the grin never wavering. "I messed up, didn't I?" he asked.

I didn't move. I didn't speak. I hardly processed the words.

His eyes began smoldering sadness. "Could you forgive me…again?"

My body will still immobile, my mouth included. He sighed and turned to walk away, and suddenly my arms could move—on their own accord, too. I tugged his arm subconsciously and he wore the smallest 

tinge of a smile on his lips when he faced me again. I shook my head yes to answer him. And, much to my surprise, he dropped to one knee.

And there, in the middle of the airport terminal, Edward pulled out a black velvet ring box. He balanced the unoffending box on his knee as his hands seized mine. He took a deep breath before his eyes could meet mine fully. "Isabella Marie Swan, you are my existence and my soul. You are every breath I will ever take, and I can only pray that you won't deny me that breath. I would be horribly uncomfortable without it." We both laughed at his joke, though tears were falling from my eyes again. He stared intently and seriously through his thick lashes into my dull brown eyes. "Bella, will you marry me?"

I waited with baited breath for my mind to compute the question and submit an answer. Edward waited patiently as my tears continued and I looked blankly around us. Several—no, all—people in the terminal were watching with glassy eyes as I dumbly tried to force words out of my mouth. It wasn't until his eyes burned hurt that I realized the tiny workers in my brain had deliberated and reached a verdict.

"Yes," I whispered softly. "Yes, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, I will marry you."

I'd never seen such a smile on his face as the one that lit his features. Several people clapped and cheered, and I could swear that several women were crying as he slid his mother's ring on my finger. We had exchanged numerous hugs and kisses before I remembered my poor mother waiting for me.

"Oh, shit," I laughed, pulling my phone out from my purse. I thought over whether or not I should go into details. I was only thinking about her horrid thoughts concerning young marriage. _Fuck it,_ I told myself; I text her quickly.

_Edward proposed. Staying here. Sorry Mom! Love you!_

Edward retrieved my luggage, and we sat in the terminal as we waited for his car.

"Why isn't it here?" I asked.

He sighed and laughed softly. "Long story, dear. I'll explain when Alice gets here, though. She's still with Rosalie getting the stupid thing fixed. Do you want some coffee? Something to eat, maybe?"

I opened my mouth to answer him, but the sudden silence of the entire terminal had me turning my head in the direction that all others were pointed. Edward pressed his lips into a tight line, and I looked up at him. _What?_ I mouthed. He held up a finger, motioning for me to wait. Obviously he'd heard something I couldn't yet. Then, I heard it.

"OH, YES, YOU WILL LET ME OUT OF HERE! MY DAUGHTER JUST GOT ENGAGED! I HAVE A WEDDING TO PLAN!"

**A/N: Who loves me? Come one, you all do. You know it. Just look at me, I just put back together everyone's favorite couple, and I updated three days earlier than I had intended to. You love me. And you'll tell me so in the review you're about to write for me.**


	31. Broken down in bars and bathrooms

**A/N: Tada! The Epilogue. Since Hannah and I are going to Nashville this weekend, I thought I'd go ahead and post this. Next Friday, or possibly sooner, be looking for the sequel titled You Need Me Like a Bad Habit. I need to work out the plot, and I want to get in some reading time. I'm not going to ruin the end with an author note, so review!!**

Renee got off the plane successfully. Sadly, her luggage didn't. Phil had to send her suitcase, along with himself, back to Forks for Renee to stick around and plan the wedding. She and Esme were having a field day planning the moment we came back.

Alice picked us up in the Volvo two hours after Edward proposed. Apparently, Edward had done some nearly irreparable damage in an attempt to beat me to Port Angeles. Silly boys and their silly toys. Rosalie seemed to think he owed her big time, since she'd had to take apart the Mercedes to fix Edward's car. Carlisle thought Edward in his debt, too.

Charlie wasn't too excited about the decision—that much I could tell. However, I was surprised by how well he held his tongue when we'd told him. He was hoping for Renee to be the one to freak out on me, and his angry purple face had lightened with laughter at that thought. The color returned when I told him she already knew.

Everyone in La Push seemed to be as content as they could be with the decision, which was much more than I expected; I had been anticipating a war. Sam and Carlisle had been getting along quite well, and I chose to invite Sam, Jake, Emily, and Billy to the ceremony. Everyone but Billy accepted.

Renee, Esme, and Alice chose to handle all the plans on their own, leaving me with a good amount of free time to spend with my fiancée. On this particular evening, two days after the proposal, we were sitting on his bed reading.

"Edward?" I asked, placing the book on my stomach. "Does this mean—,"

He interrupted me, taking my face into his hands. "Yes, it does. It means I will give you everything in my power to make you happy as my wife. I'll change you if it is your will. I can't deny you happiness, no matter how selfish it may be on my part."

I smiled, and almost began to cry. "You really mean it?" I whispered, turning my face in his hands to kiss his palm.

"Yes, Bella, I really do. I love you."

We lay back again, my head resting on his chest as he petted my hair repeatedly. He began running his fingers easily through it, and I nearly fell asleep. Before I could, though, I leaned up to look at Edward.

"Thank you," I muttered, my voice overcome with sleep.

"For what, love?"

"For picking me up again."


	32. THE SEQUEL IS UP!

**The sequel is up early! It's just the prologue; new chapter by the weekend, hopefully. Go now, and review. You know the title already: You Need Me Like a Bad Habit. :)**


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